Mislay

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

I identify myself with that picture so much. For me it portrays a deep yearning that may be interpreted wrongly as a creepy need for someone. Creepy love, my kind of love. I can't help it. 

...

Staying over at my mom's place, so no diary entrees or old stories. 

     Feels like so long ago the last time I sat down and wrote. Maybe it's because I've been stuck in my own head thinking about (darks) butterflies and rainbows. I've binge watched many tv series and dramas, read a bit here and there and spent time with friends and family. Above all I've slept. So much. 12+ hours a day. Laziness, I love it. That is, after classes ended. Before that studying was all there was for me. It's difficult to put a whole month worth of "stories" into words without leaving important details behind. I always say the same, I know. Some things never change...

     Winter is upon us! Not really. Benefits of living on a tropical island is that you don't have the need for any cold clothing. It's also something I dislike. I love winter clothes. 

     Time passes so fast. Just one year ago I was running around buying winter clothes and doing my luggage to embark on the biggest adventure of my life (yet): my first trip to China. I still remember the nervousness that had to be hidden, reassuring my family that everything was going to be alright while I myself doubted my survival. A new country, unknown food, language, transportation and culture in general. I am just happy that we did it. Learned so much, grew so much. Can I go back?

     Three more days for Christmas! I am not big on Holidays. To be honest, I pretty much hate all Holidays except Halloween. But Christmas means I get to see my boyfriend and spend time with him. Long distance relationships are not as fun as people make them seem, but (let me be cheesy here) when you find the right person, it's totally worth it. 

Swift dots! (I didn't want to say quick points. Let me be.)

• Got 3 A's and 1 B this semester. Still missing one grade. The most important one. Fingers crossed for another A!
• There's something about two girls dancing together that attracts guys like bees to honey. It's stupid and pretty weird. Stop it. Honestly.
• My younger brother doesn't want me in his room just because I didn't take him to the skatepark. He is so spoiled... (and it's totally my fault)
• That Legend of Korra finale. It was just epic. (SPOILER ALERT!!) For the first time in history we see a same-sex couple in a children's tv series. Don't try to fool yourself by arguing otherwise, Korrasami is an actual thing.
• So far I've gotten 2 amazing gifts from my friends and roommates A & K. K got me a red lightsaber (“Only at the end do you realize the power of the Dark Side”). A on the other hand got me a Chinese clay tea set. They are awesome. I know.
• I am an official Puerto Rico Comic Con Staff!! Although I know the chances are real slim, I am hoping to meet Jason Momoa at any point. Fingers crossed.
• I need to get on a plane soon. Please. Send some money my way with a letter signed by you saying that it was a donation for travelling purpose that way I can take it to court and show my dad that I don't waste money on travelling. I know it's not wasted money, but he doesn't thing the same. Patience and Wisdom.
• Went to the Social Security Administration to get stuff. I felt like such an adult. Didn't like it. 
• I started at the gym this month. May the gods bless the humans that assist to that place. They are flawless. Just the perfect motivation. 

     I'd like to think that so far I have been to two Christmas parties. Truth is the two parties I've been to had nothing to do with the Holidays. One was the "End of Semester" house party where we played Super Smash Bros, Cards Against Humanity, "Jenga" and __ pong (keeping it family friendly). M and I killed it in the pong. Good times. The second was a kind of charity event for a baby that has to undergo a heart surgery and needed help. It was a really good activity and venue. Had an amazing time. I can't say it has been a bad winter break. Sure, ups and downs, but it's been good.

     I don't think I will be writing before New Years. I will be spending some much needed quality time with my boyfriend and family. I feel so irresponsible with my blog. I am really sorry. It's not easy to keep a blog, specially when you have a lazy life and do nothing. What am I suppose to talk about when all I do is Netflix and sleep?!

(:

Arid

My diary

August 7, 2007

     ...

     That night I had a great time. I danced with him and everything. He started joking around saying that I was his girlfriend and Mara was his lover. I stayed until 4:30am with him and we exchanged phone numbers without raising suspicion on each other. We talked on the phone the rest of the night, until 6:30am.

     The beautiful thing about this is that, without even noticing, we weren't even looking for it, we both fell in love in just 3 days. But not everything is perfect, there are a few problems:

• He studies in Philadelphia
• He leaves late August, early September.
• The biggest of them all: HE IS 22 YEARS OLD!!!!

     He is so nice and what I like the most is that he has the same religious views as me. He was in a band and everything. But, we will see what happens. Apparently he is a good guy. I hope he is the one for me...

...

ANOUNCEMENT: Until the semester is  over, the post will be updated biweekly. 

Sorry guys, finals are almost here and I need the time.

     I just had to write that diary entry. I laughed so much when I read just now. Why? Because I have NO IDEA who I am talking about. Thank heavens we were deeply in love right?! Got a headache trying to remember. So naive (it's not like that has changed much over the years). This our love story  continues for 3 entries more, so I shall write my next posts with them. See if that refreshes my memory. 

     I had to back at calendar to know how far back I had to remember. Luckily I remember things easily... sure. 

     October 31st, 12:40am I received a important call. While I was on the phone, my call was intercepted by your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man! We had a nice conversation about Halloween costumes. He was excited to go out into the world and be called Spider-Man and receive free candy from everyone. Apparently Spider-Man is no different than all of us.

     Remember I said we would probably have a Halloween party at my place? It did happened. Drinks, candy, music, awesome people and Cards Against Humanity. It was epic. That card game can make any 6 person party something fun that goes on the whole night. There's no better way to get to know a group of people than playing Cards Against Humanity. You should try it out on your whatever party. Promise you won't regret it. At the end of that night, Dracula (me) killed it. I was on fire!

Let's do some quick points while I remember anything worth going deeper into!

• We got a new cat in the apartment! He is adorable. Named him Sherlock, since we already have a dog named Watson. Pretty sure Watson is a Hufflepuff and Sherlock is a Ravenclaw. 
• I am hungry.
• So. Much. Schoolwork. Help...!
• Interstellar came out! I've heard such good reviews about it. Can't wait to watch it whenever that may be.
• I've been in a terrible mood lately. Been acting like that old lady that lives with 50 cats at the end of the street and screams at everyone for no apparent reason. Yes, that's me right now.
• Volunteer work? Nope. They never called or called when I was unavailable (I gave them my schedule).
• Dressed as Clark Kent for my classes on Halloween.
• French toasts...
• I should finish school soon. I am the oldest one in almost every class.
• I left my wallet in a classroom one day. Thank zeus a professor found it and took it to the department. For a moment there I thought I had lost what little IDs I had left.
• I exchanged pants with K. His pants fitted perfectly. No one would notice the difference.
• People, don't have fun without the hat! There are lots of terrible STDS out there. Play it safe. It's for your own good.
• I am pretty sure I failed today's test.

     Quick points turned into eternal points. I went through my text messages while I made those. It was easier than trying to remember all that happened.

     It rained so much last week that the temperature went down to 72ºF. I know you may think that's not much but, when you are used to live on a tropical island called Hell (Puerto Rico), 72ºF feels like snow will fall at any moment. I had a long sleeve and a cardigan on most of the day and I would still feel cold. Also, my hair could not deal with all the humidity (it was at 100%). At least I got to wear my rain-boots all over campus and jump in puddles. Fun times.

     I think that's about it for now. I hope I didn't forget anything worth telling. Wait... let me check on Facebook... Yes! I knew I missed something. So I've decided to make a lifestyle change. After some research and thought, I've decided to practice Secular Buddhism. I am obviously new to it, so I can't go too deep into it. To put it into simple words it's just Buddhism for, but not limited to, agnostics and atheists. It takes the religious beliefs out of Buddhism. If you, like me, are looking for something less "to believe but not see" in your life, maybe this will be good for you. I have yet to see how it works for me.

Done.

One last thing, congrats to all the veterans out there (in advance)!





(:

Deter

Dec. 29, 2011

My diary

February 12, 2007

?

I don't know what to tell you

...

I have so much school work this week, I just shouldn't be writing the blog.

     I feel like it will be a good week. How can it not be when Tuesday started with us watching Ip Man in our Chinese class? I watched this movie a few years ago and really enjoyed it. Add to that the fact that there was a table full of Puerto Rican traditional candy for sale at my Faculty's lobby. The fat person that resides inside me was so happy.

     After a little incident that happened this week I feel the need to make something clear: (if I write about you) don't take things so seriously. Since I was 15 I've always used writing as a way to let out  some steam and organise my thoughts. Originally I started this blog because of my experience as an Au Pair, but now that I am done with that, I just write of random life things and thoughts. It's like a supplementary writing to my actual diary. Raw things are usually written here. So once again, don't take it so seriously.

      Now... this week is Halloween!! Do I have a costume? No. Do I plan to go to a party? I may do something at my place (I will let you come if you bring drinks and chocolates). Do I plan to dress up? I always do. Best part about Halloween is the day-after-candy-sale at stores. My sweet-tooth goes crazy buying chocolates. Mmmm... peanut butter Snickers... *drools*

     Wednesday was an unexpected free and alone day. I had no class (or at least I didn't go to my morning class), so I stayed and took a day off to treat myself to Netflix and other streaming sites. I really love spending time with myself. It gives me an opportunity to both clear my head and think about life. I wish people could see more the beauty in silence, in being alone from time to time. We live such hectic lives nowadays. Slow down, take a deep breath, relax, think a bit, keep going.

     My weekend was not so fun. I think part of what made it that way is that I didn't have my partner in crime with me. K was out having fun in Universal Horror Nights while jobless and busy me was stuck in the apartment studying (such responsable person). Okay, I did study but I also went out. Let's start with Friday...

     I had to drive home to leave my car there. It has been heating up a lot lately and some other car related stuff needed to be done. Had to stop and wait for my mom at the hair salon. I decided to get a haircut since I was there. After, my mom decided to head to the mall and buy some sexy halloween costumes for her so we could go out on Saturday. Later, I was happy to find out that my boyfriend "by mistake" had bought and sent me the book Gone Girl. Finally back to my apartment. The rest of the night was... complicated. Drinks, music, people, kisses, arguments, conversations, messages, calls that never came. It all ended with a feeling of anger burning in my chest. 

     I remember hearing once that when women go out, they should only pay for the first drink. I've seen how many of them just stand there, flirting with guys who look like they could pay for a drink. The thing is that most time it is the guy they don't like who buys the drink. It angers me how they aren't polite enough to hold a five minute conversation with them. Yes, I know that a free drink does not mean you have to talk much less sleep with anyone, but as a good gesture just thank that person and at least ask for their names, even if you forget it the second after they tell you. It takes courage to buy someone a drink, and I consider it a big compliment. I feel that the least I can do is smile, give thanks and have some small talk. It doesn't kill you. It makes you look approachable and polite. "Good" men like women, not spoiled girls.

That's enough words. Now quick points!

• Dressed as Cruella Devile for Saturday's costume party. Taking advantage of my half blonde, half black hair. 
• My mom was a sexy nurse that same night.
• I've never dressed as sexy something. I guess I didn't get that from my mom.
• I have a hand-in test tomorrow that I will probably hand-in Wednesday.
• Marx... Lenin... Dos Santos... I will never finish this.
• I don't have a test on Wednesday. Yay! (I live by rule #32)
• Benedict Cumberbatch as The Sorcerer Supreme made my day.
• Do any of you want to pay me a trip to Seattle? I will be forever  grateful and will pay back with stuff.
• Can this week be over?
• Can this semester be over?
• Can I be New Years Eve already?
• Even if "NO" is the easiest answer, say "YES" please... 

Time to read. Sadness.

(:

Maybe we should project this out into the world...

Gape

My diary

March 20th, 2007

(Post written by my boyfriend back then)

     Muñequita, you have given meaning to my life. When my soul lacked hope and my heart had forgotten the meaning of the word LOVE, you appeared in my destiny. 

     I will never forget you, even if destiny makes us a foul play and we loose each other (which I highly doubt).

     How to forget the tenderness in your eyes, the softness of your hands, your beautiful voice, your body...; however, without doubt the most beautiful thing about you, what made me fall in love, you unique personality, affectionate, sweet; hard to forget.

I love you with all my heart,

C.A.

...

Why can't any story begin with "I was having this amazing ice cream..." 

Life happens. Sometimes I just don't have the time to write.

     Right now my roommates are reading my last blog post out loud. It's just too funny. It makes me question if all you read it in the same voice they are reading it. If you are, thank you. You get how non-serious this blog is.

Tuesday (October 7). A few things happened that day that I will list because of lazy not going into detail reasons.

• I got to see my friends G and JC, whom I hadn't seen in a long time. We had a nice lunch together. 
• I found out what was the application process for the after-college-job I want.
• Someone I "dated" called just to ask me if I knew someone who sold Adderall. Just because I used to be in Natural Sciences doesn't mean I know prescription drug dealers. (I've made some terrible dating choices, I know) 
• I had a drunk person come by apartment and start screaming my name  at 10pm.
• I couldn't finish studying for my test (replacement) because I had a drunk person trying to paint my hair with a black Sharpie.
• I was not a happy camper at the end of the night.

     It kind of upsets me when people who kicked you out of their life want to push themselves back in just when you are happy again. I personally think that it can be possible to be great friends with someone you've dated before. But what happens when you feel that person getting too clingy again? Most people would be "just tell him/her off!", but in my case I just KNOW the person will act defensive if I try and do that. I started trying distance myself, but then I get a drunk at my door. It's kind of frustrating because I honestly don't want it to affect my current relationship. That person had the chance to be with me and didn't appreciate it. It's been more than 6 months since the brake up with me (it wasn't even my choice!), it's time to move on to friendship. Not flirty-I-want-to-sleep-with-you friendship, but a nice healthy friendship.

Wednesday (October 8). I really need it to be Friday.

Then we get to this last week. Quick points!!

• I have nothing.
• OH! I went to Ponce on Saturday. That's where the picture was taken. Just wanted to get my mind off of things. Didn't really work that well, but at least I had a good sleep after that!
• I was attacked by a water fountain today at campus. I will not go into details, since I need to keep this PG. I will just say it felt somewhat like rape.
• I have a test tomorrow and I haven't read anything. Yes, I write this in almost every post. But it's because I am irresponsible like that sometimes...
• I found a organic market. Yay to eating healthy!!
• Remember kids: prostitution is illegal.

Feeling. Sick. Don't. Want. To. Study... 

(:

Kismet

My Diary
July 5, 2011

     It was hard to begin with, but with A LOT of communication everything has been improving. With time you learn the art of patience, the frustration and the continuos effort it takes to live and be happy.

     ... And... I need to go to the bathroom. I know that these few pages leave you with the desire to know more, but it will be until next time. Break a leg!

...

     Fall is here! You see that red leaf? It's actually the first time I see one. I wanted to take it home with me. It seemed like a bad idea at the moment. Now I want to go back and get it. Sadness.

     Two weeks (and a bit more)... You could say right now I am procrastinating, but I would like to see as if by writing this blog I am getting ready to do whatever school work I have to do. Plus, I am waiting for the tea to cool down a bit. 

     These past few weeks have been kind of unlucky for me. Have you heard of the chikungunya? Well I got sick with that just 2 days before something special and important happened. It was a hard decision I had to make that day. I still got to do what I wanted (more like needed) to do. But the process was a bit painful. I couldn't stay out of bed or do anything physical for a prolonged time because of the pain. But in the end, it was worth it.

     What was not worth it was the amount of class I lost. Having to stay inside for a whole week meant not going to school, which meant falling behind in class. I already took 2 tests, and I am pretty sure I have 2 more waiting for me. Add to that the whole alimony thing. When I think I am going to go back to school, no. I have to meet up with my lawyer, go to court, meet up with the lawyer again and repeat. Tomorrow will be my actual complete first day of class and I am honestly just expecting the worse. I get exhausted with half days in school right now, so I am guessing I will be dying by the end of the day.

     Stuff (I like using the word stuff) doesn't end there. Quick piece of information: my lawyer is back at my mom's town, so I usually just stay home each time we have to meet up. The drive from where I live to where she lives is a bit exhausting. The thing is, my brother and mother got the influenza B. In the event of contagion and, because I still got the chikungunya in my system, it would be mortal. So I got kicked out of my mom's house (for my own good). At this rate soon you'll see in the news "FIRST CASE OF EBOLA IN PUERTO RICO: A 23 year old student was found to be...". After so many years of good luck and karma something bad had to happen, right? So in the end I can't complain. 

Now to random stories and points:

• Received a text message this morning from an old "friend". It read "Sup. I wanna see you. Typo, I mean taste." Does that ever work for guys? I am guessing it has to in some way. If not, why do they even use it? I once tried it and got rejected... BADLY. Tried it again today, got rejected again. Third time is the charm? My ego can't take another rejection.
• People still don't believe me when I tell them I am in a relationship, even though I posted a picture of him, tagged him and added a cheesy message to it. Am I not relationship material? Is it that people think I am too selfish or something like that? Why, people? WHY?!
• I am asking myself too many questions lately. It's a phase, just ignore it.
• Can I get a flight out of here? Oh wait... I am still jobless.
• I will be doing some volunteer work in the Urban Culture Fair by the end of the month. I feel like I need more volunteer work in my life. Maybe that will tilt karma back into place.
• My Chinese has improved a lot since classes started. I can ask your name now. *wink wink*
• Wine hangovers are the worst hangovers in life. If you ever get so drunk with wine that you end up hugging the toilet... I just feel bad for you.
• I haven't been to the movies in so long it hurts. I can't wait to get some extra money on the side to waste on the movie theatre. (I should save it up, but sometimes my priorities suck.)
• I really don't want to do any school work.

Tea time is over! I guess it's time to go back to work...

(:

Tussle

I think I should do another diary post. 

... I should have marked the diary dates I already wrote about.

Been loosing some readers...

My diary
July 10, 2010

      As you would expect (if you do the math), I just "finished" my first university year (the quotation marks because due to the strike it actually finished the 28th of June) in the University of Puerto Rico, Río Piedras Campus. Yes! One of my dreams have become reality, even if there is still a long way to go. I am lodging with 2 of my best friends from high school, K & J. Our apartment is ... near the University Avenue (there are lots of bars) and it has 3 rooms. It the best freshman year! I discovered and learned so many things. Mi cognisance has been opened on so many ways that I can't even believe it. I met so many new people. Got drunk for the first time. Learned about infidelity, but I also learned about trust and love. I learned that sometimes is better to keep quiet and listen carefully, that sometimes we need to strive to be happy and keep that happiness at hand. It has been some really marvellous, good and not-so-good experiences that fills my heart with happiness just thinking about it.

...

Let’s start on Tuesday. Sometimes I like to think my life is full of this random moments that happen on a daily basis and make things interesting. I remember writing “I need to get out of my room more” and I am pretty sure my room read this and took it into his own to get me out of there. So my alarm sounds, I snooze it. It sounds again, more snooze. Some days I try to sleep the maximum. I wake up with just 40mins to get ready and head to class. I have to do an oral presentation for my first class, can’t be late. Having no time to waste, I head to the shower. I hate getting dressed in the bathroom, so I just take my towel with me. Done with shower, head to my room, turn the doorknob… it doesn’t open. Try again, nope. I do not have the key to the room, am late for class and everything is inside. I call my mom and ask her if I should break the door down (I have no idea how I intended to do that). She says to just get a hammer and break the doorknob. No hammer in my place. I look around for something strong enough to break it. Found a frying pan. I start hitting it with the pan. It breaks down. I am free to ender my room. I feel like a powerful person.

            So that was how my week started. Turns out my day was long from over. I had to run to class. Got there just in time. Got an A on my oral presentation (Achievement unlocked!). I had an interview, which ended up in me getting angry with the company and withdrawing my application. Because of a interview that led nowhere I even missed classes. But after that it was smooth sailing. Had someone stare at me in traffic while I ate (I was hungry; traffic was terrible; you can’t judge me; the struggle is real.). I would like to see it as funny and not creepy. Just a normal day.

          ... and then my hair is half salmon color, half black. This last weekend I decided I would dye my hair. I already knew I wanted to do it, but didn't actually make a move to get it. From wanting to dye my whole hair, I ended up just doing half of it. I want to make it look like a fashion statement, rather than a crazy metal girl who wants a rainbow in her head (nothing wrong with this). White is the desired color but, since my hair was originally dyed black, it will take more than 2 hair bleaches to get there. This means my hair will go under a lot of stress and it will take time. So I had to settle with salmon semi-permanent hair color so it wouldn't look as bad (I am not a blonde kind of girl). One of my professor saw me and asked "Did you ran out of dye halfway or is it a fashion statement?"

Time for quick points!

1. Let the countdown begin: 11 days to go.
2. Free salsa concert in campus last Thursday. I had an amazing time studying and then falling asleep. Good days...
3. Paid drinks karaoke Friday! Somehow I ended up drinking with Law School students (not my favourite bunch) and singing Bon Jovi classics on karaoke.
4. I am loving Peter Capaldi as the new Doctor.
5. Got some ice cream delivered to me today! (I am sorry. I love ice cream too much.)

Some thoughts:

          I am quite impressed with how much importance romantic relationships have on today’s society. Something that’s supposed to be between couples somehow ends up being a public spectacle. From where and how did you meet to how long have you been together, people want the “scoop” on the whole story behind your relationship. My discomfort began when, because of a small misunderstanding with a classmate, I decided to change my relationship status on Facebook. I’ve been in a relationship for a few months now and both my boyfriend and I felt like there was no need to tell the whole Internet we were together. The thing is I worry with the fact that I’ve been congratulated and asked for confirmation so many times. Relationships are normal and necessary part of that social interaction that happens throughout our lives. We all fall for someone and get our hearts broken at least once in our lifetime, so why congratulate someone on something that happens on a day-to-day basis to the vast majority of humanity probably since the first homo sapiens walked the Earth? It’s not like I am getting married (which we are taught it’s forever and I don't actually plan on doing) or anything. I just decided to share my life and make someone happy for an unknown amount of time. I am doing this because both he and I as consenting adults decided we wanted this. We are not looking for anyone’s approval or anything of the sort. Leave the congratulations for people who encounter a big life event like graduation, a baby or winning the lottery.





(:

Raillery

     While looking for some official papers in some drawers I rarely open I found a notebook I used to write poems. We (girls) have all gone through the "writing poems" phase. Either it was early in our teens, or later in our 20somethings. I have to say, I was really bad. No rules where followed, in a really bad basic cheesy way the rhymed though. At least I found a way to put my thoughts into words. I guess it all started there. Translation won't rhyme, I know. I just thought it would be fun to share what my thirteen year-old self thought about love...

July 8, 2004

LOVE

Many people say that love is beautiful,

but for me it has been painful.

Knowing you will never love me,

each day I love you more and more.

The more I try to forget you,

my heart and my mind make me remember you.

Each time I see you my heart flutters

and sometimes I even loose my mind.

I think about you all the time,

even when I am sleeping.

All this pain

for just a love

that has broken my heart.

     Wow. That was a really cheesy way to begin this post. I don't think I remember why I wrote this, but memories from this time come to mind. I must have been on 10th grade. It comes to mind Sean and his blue eyes, those I used to die for so much in middle school. I remember he used to be under the tree every recess wearing all black. He was the reason I started listening to rock and wearing black eye-liner in the first place. I wanted to be seen as cool in his eyes. His smile, even when it wasn't meant for me, could melt me on the inside and make my days better. I would go to sleep every night thinking about how one day he would notice me. My first big crush. I don't remember how long this went on. Maybe two years? See, that's the good thing about keeping diaries. It helps keep memories fresh and intact. If only I would have written a diary back then, the story wouldn't be incomplete...

...

Let's light up the mood!

     Got it? No? Not funny. It kind of was in my head. I would like to think it actually was and you all laughed with me. Please, don't shatter my dreams.

     I have no idea where to start. When I don't write weekly, the time line in my head starts being less of a line and more of a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff. Can I be lazy and put things in a list again? Lists are real easy to make. Maybe while doing it I can remember things that are worth telling details about!

1. Two Friday's ago I went clubbing with K and L (my other roommate). We had a really good time. Missed my Chinese friends at the club. They are always there. It's funny because they can't pronounce my name correctly, so they call me "Walaly" and I've grown fond to it.
2. Found something to tell you details about! You will find those stories after the list you are just reading.
3. The Saturday after clubbing I had my stepsister's birthday. It was a typical teenager party with DJ, balloons, candies and cake. Her dad got me beer and wine since I would be the only 20something there. I had a good time with beer, wine and Drake.
4. Job interview! I've learned that the job you want the less is the job you will get in the end. Life can be cruel like that.
5. Got some good grades on my Mandarin language class. Whoop whoop! :D
6. Flights are booked!! Less than 3 weeks to go.
7. Yeah... I need some adventures soon. I miss being on an airplane and things.

     You know when someone rejects you for whatever reason and you just wish you could randomly meet with them one of those days you are looking flawless? Yeah. That happened to me. It may be (probably is) really immature, but it feels empowering. Even if you know deep down inside they could not care less how you look, the fact that you feel beautiful and he got to see you on your best moments has something that makes you feel so good. I am girly like that sometimes. ... And then he goes and remembers a small detail of something you don't like, does it while telling you "I still remember you don't like this" and all the happiness turns into just wanting to kill him for that. But I will just think about that moment when I did what I wanted to do and I was flawless at it. 

     I don't know if it is because it's late or my life has become pretty boring and someone of a routine since the semester started, but I am out of things to write about. I should try and get out of my room a bit more. Do some yoga or something. It just gets a bit hard when you have so much schoolwork plus other personal things to work with. I also enjoy my alone space and silence (...will fall? I need to stop with the Doctor Who references, I know). It's really loud in the outside world and sometimes we just need to stop, take a deep breath and listen to the silence.

(:  

Adjunct

I need to start being responsible with my blog again.

...

I can't find a "My diary" post to go with the mood, so I decided to leave it out just for today.

...

     This post is long overdue. Just as some other ones, I just forgot to publish it. The dates here are from 08-14-2014 to about 08-19-2014. I apologise for the delay, but the semester started and it's has not been easy.

...

     Although this week has been a long one and lots of things have happened, I can't say much this time. So let's see how this turns out...

     I feel it's kind of hard to write about this past week without getting into real personal detail-like things. Sure, I write about my days in school, travels, adventures and random things that happen in day to day basis. But when it comes to writing about days I spent with someone I love, I just stop myself. You see, I have become really protective with that. In past relationships third parties have become too involved. Sometimes because I let them, sometimes without my consent. What I have right now is too important and precious for me to just share everything out loud. With that said, I will try to write simple points of what I did this past week.

From Thursday to Tuesday:

1. I went out drinking to the University Ave the first Thursday of the semester. This means that many of the students were out having fun and meeting new people.
2. Old San Juan. SOFO Culinary Fest was going on. The town was full of food, drinks and people. I didn't know about it, so to get a table for dinner at my favourite restaurant, Pirilos, we had to wait for one hour and half. At least the wait was not boring.
3. Saw Guardians of the Galaxy. Loved the movie, hated the children who were in the theatre screaming all movie long. I thought if we went early there wouldn't be so many kids, but I was wrong. Still, it was a nice time and a nice movie. You should all watch it. Then a long drive to Aguadilla.
4. Yes to Crashboat! Went to my favourite beach again. Got a terrible tan. Had to put some aloe vera when I got home. At the end of the night we had a couples beer pong contest. It was a draw. We have to do a rematch to find who is the true Pokemon Master! Wait... I mean beer pong masters.
5. Lazy days! I love those kind of days when nothing mayor happens after having a really busy week. To just sit down, watch a movie and relax makes me so happy.
6. Goodbyes had to be said.... OUCH!

     Apart from that, school. I want to graduate soon, so I have to put all my effort to what's left of school. I've learned so much (not really so much, but the basics make me happy) in my Mandarin class so far. Actually, today we had an "out of nowhere" oral presentation. So we had 10 minutes to come up with a conversation in Mandarin and recite it in front of class. It was so stressful. I am not the kind of person who likes attention (as in people looking at me) from big groups. Usually I like to have some time ahead to prepare myself for the idea of standing up in front of a crowd and talking. Ironic since I took drama classes in high school. 

     My other political sciences classes have been pretty good so far. I am really enjoying them all, specially Political Relations between Puerto Rico and the United States of America. So interesting. ... I think that's all for now. Yeah. I just want ice cream because it feels like 97ºF outside. 

(:

Plunge

     Sorry guys! Since it is the last week of summer/first week of class, I've been really busy with cleaning the apartment and leaving everything ready for the semester. This post had been already written by Monday, but didn't have the time to publish it. You should also know that next week's post will also come late. Thank you for your patience and for reading!

My diary

April 28, 2006

     Classes are over at last! I am on my vacations. Now to thing what to do. Probably I'll be home al day long. There isn't much I can do about that.

...

     Initially I thought I would only have to wake up early once this week, and sleep off the rest. Sadly, things never go our way even when they do go our way. It's been a long long long week. But at least I am happy to know that I am done running around from office to office... for now. 

     Updates! I got to enroll on the Chinese (Mandarin) language course. Had to change my schedule a bit (a lot actually), but it was totally worth it. Once I had the language class, I went to talk to the Political Science Department Director and got a class that's really important for the completion of the degree. I got asked so many questions about why did I want a degree in Political Sciences instead of any other natural sciences degree. Apparently I did a good job answering because I got the class and the Director said "Valerie, we should sit down and talk later. I want to know about your experience as a Natural Sciences student and other things." 

     There was a time where I didn't care to be recognized by any of my professors. I was pretty much a ghost in all my classes. I've never been someone outgoing in large groups, more like a sit back and observe. However, if there is something I have learned is that observing without commenting takes you nowhere. It's not like I will become a avid participant in class, but I will do my best to contribute to class discussions so that professors can remember my name for future references. 

   Last week at work! I should be more worried than happy. But I've come to see this as an opportunity to grow. I did apply to other libraries and departments in campus, but they will probably be closer to my new faculty and I wont have to deal with ugly vibes anymore. Also, it made me look for internship opportunities in the island and mainland, primarily in non-profit organizations. Apparently there are a broad range of things to do with a BA in Political Sciences.

     My car is fixed! It runs smoothly now and the A/C works perfectly again. So happy to have her back (yes, my car is a girl). I just hope that it doesn't break down in the next 6-7 months. ... aaaaand I wrote this too fast. A/C stopped working again. This time it just doesn't cool. So now I have to go back to the mechanic before Thursday.

     First day of school! For a moment there I thought the summer would never end. It was a nice first day. Had my first Chinese (Mandarin) class. I'll rant about a few things that happen in Mandarin class later. Nothing I didn't learn before in my Au Pair classes, which is nice. Other two classes were just introductions and papers of what we would study and what we needed. The heat was terrible though. Had to take a nap after that. But all around, it was pretty nice.

Quick points:
1. THURSDAAAAAYYYY!!! Can't wait for it.
2. Happy to be able to have lunch at the vegetarians again. Yay for healthy food.
3. The new roommate (L) is here. Excitement!


Hope you have a good semester!



(:

Swig

My diary

June 29, 2006

(Back story: I was in Orlando, FL on vacations with my mom's boyfriend and his daughter. We were staying at a hotel. I met some cool children in the common area while I wrote on my diary. So here is what one of them wrote...)

     Your friend who's very sexy and fine that you met an hour ago and has a nice body and is very very very very funny.

Marquice

...

     I went back and started reading my first posts. I had so many expectations with the whole Au Pair program. It kind of hurts that I didn't get the chance to finish it as I wanted. Maybe I didn't plan it well enough. Still, I am happy to have been able to experience a bit of that program and will cherish the memories.

     After a few days without work, Tuesday started again. These will be the last two weeks I have left at work, so I will be at it every day of the week just to make the most money I can. It's nice because my supervisor is back and I am also working with K. Still, the head boss has been a bit... grouchy lately. Everyone knows so. My supervisor had to apologize in her behalf because she knew that the way I was fired was not the correct one. Sadly, I am just a student assistant so there is not much I can do about it. Just move on and try to find a new job at another library. On a positive note, my supervisor said she would be happy to provide a reference letter if needed, and she did. I am impressed with all the positive things she wrote about me. I can't thank her enough for that. 

     Car's A/C broke again. Well, my car in general. One of these days I will throw the car down a cliff and watch it burn while I smile in a creepy way... Also, I should go get an ID soon, just in case I get asked for one when going out for a drink. It's funny because legal drinking age in Puerto Rico is 18, I am 23 and I still get asked for my ID at places. Good genes right here.

     Wednesday was wine and beer pong day. Somehow Owlady and her boyfriend thought it was a good idea to fill up red cups with beer and wine, wine cups having as much as beer ones. K was my partner and let me tell you, he sucks at beer pong so much. We lost 3 out of 3 games, so you can imagine how wasted we ended up. But we had a lot of fun, all in the safety of our apartment. Now that I know that my table is great for beer pong, I guess I'll be doing more competitions like this during the semester!

     Do you like snakes? I love them. They are so majestic. Ever since I was a little girl I've wanted one as a pet, but my mom is scared of them so I never had it. But now that I live "by my own" there's an opportunity to have one. The thing is, Owlady said the other day "Hey! You guys like snakes? I want to buy one." ... and in that moment I was the happiest person alive. She said she will buy the whole thing about next week. Yay to pet snakes!!

     We had a storm on Saturday. It didn't rain as much as I would have liked, but it was nice to have some not so hot weather. There had been a drought the past few weeks, so a good rain was much needed in the island. What I find stupid is that, even though it rained, it wasn't much and, instead of keeping the rationalization of water in a smaller scale until the reservoir (or dam, not sure which to use) is at healthy levels, they just decided to set it back until there is another drought. Puerto Rico does it better.

     AUGUST IS HERE!!! Campus was full today. Suddenly I remembered why I loved studying so much... The semester starts next Monday and I am not happy with that (contradictory, I know). It means that we have to go back to studying and being a responsible adult. On the bright side, it also means meeting new people, having new adventures and just having something to do instead of being in bed all day.

Time for radom points:
1. Ten more days for Thursday!
2. Can't wait to put on my "I ♥ BJ" shirt (BJ stands for Beijing) for school.
3. I miss some of my college friends. Getting to see them is a plus.
4. Today has been the most productive/unproductive day ever. I felt like flipping tables everywhere.
 5. My last week of summer and I will spend it all at work.



(:

Advent

My diary

August 28, 2008

     My heart once more has been wounded, and greatly. I am unsure about how it happened, I just know it did. Everything was so unexpected that I didn't have time to react. There was a drastic change out of nowhere that I myself can't seem to understand. After so many words, so many promises, everything was taken away by the wind. To think that for the first time in my life I was going to let go of my dream of... just to be close to him. It's how I've said before: "Apparently I love in a non-existent world full of  unreal people". Everything around me is lies and deceits. My heart has been belittled.  Once he swore it would be different and, yes, maybe it was different. He was the only one who fooled me, leaving my heart to die. It's incredible how I already knew this was going to happen, but he was smooth with his words and achieved to wrap me blindly in his ways. I let myself go and drank from that poison dressed as a special potion. Without the need for it I became a beggar for his love, his words, forgetting how important I actually am. Loneliness jointly with lack of love took me to my own demise. My forces subsided and the feeling of slag entered my life, just because I once again opened the doors to a madness that has no cure: LOVE.

...

     Honestly, today is one of those days I really don't want to write. But I have a goal, and I need to stick to it even when I don't want to.

     This last week... Hmmm... It's funny because I actually don't remember much about this last week. I went to work, watched Netflix and today I went to the beach. It's been two weeks since last time I stayed a whole weekend at my mom's place. Probably I am just getting mentally ready to begin the semester and go more than a month without going back home. It's funny because it's not like my mom lives that far away from me. But when you live in an island with weather as the one we have here, a 45 minute car ride seems like hell.

     I love watching good movies, and even though I try to watch as many as possible, there are some classics I haven't watched. Following the advice of a friend who shares the same interest but in a more deep way, I watched three movies this weekend; Hitchcock's Psycho, A Clockwork Orange, and 12 Angry Man. Each one was great in their own way. I enjoyed 12 Angry Man a lot just because of how one rational person can change someone's thought. 

     So there you have a picture of one of my favorite places on Earth. It's a well known beach in Puerto Rico named Crashboat. During weekdays you can go early and get some peace, sun and clear water. It has a bridge where you can jump off and it's a well known spot for amateur divers. There are also some food stands around where you can get "pinchos" and "frituras", and I think I even saw a pizza place. After noon it gets really crowded and noisy so, once again, get there early.  

     After the beach, we decided to stop in the Guajataca Tunnel in Quebradillas since it was on the way back. It's a really beautiful tunnel besides the beach that was originally used for trains to transport sugar canes across the island. I have to be honest, the place is pretty filthy. But it is gorgeous nonetheless. We walked around and had fun with the view. Then it was time to head back home. Such a long exhausting drive, but totally worth it.

Lastly, some quick points:

1. I got a sprouter and the seeds are sprouting. Yes, I get all excited because of that.

2. Mmmmm... Burritos <3

3. Two more weeks of "summer"!!

4. Someone special (aka my boyfriend) will be visiting soon. So excited! 

5. We painted K's room. Yay for summer projects!

I hope you enjoy what's left of your summer!

(:

Purloin

My dairy

August 14, 2005

My First Kiss

     Yesterday was a spectacular day. I went to the movies with M.A. I never believed that waiting would be so worth it. It was something special, that or those kisses took me to the clouds. I didn't care about anything, I gave it all I had because I love him with all my heart. The first, even though it was just a peck, it was super special. I had cold sweats and I was trembling because of the nervousness, but I was also fascinated. When he actually gave me the "real kiss", I didn't knew how to react, but at least what I did came from the heart. I've never felt this way and I am super happy.

...

This will be a long and not so happy one. But you are welcomed to laugh at my misfortunes. I already did it.

     As far as second chances go, experiences have not been the best. I honestly believe that people can change when they learn the consequences of their doings, but that doesn't mean I will literally give you a second chance to do what you did. As the saying goes... fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Yes, I've seen people change and really take advantage of second chances. Sadly, it's not normal, at least not in my personal experience. In Contrite I talk about apologies. That's because a "friend" apologized to me that week for being pretty much a douche bag. The thing is, I honestly expected for him to go back to friend mode, so when he invited me for drinks with him and a mutual friend I expected nothing more than that. I was so wrong. Just as the night ended and I was saying my goodbyes, he told me "Bye? Why? Aren't we gonna...?" After a small argument, I walked away feeling like shit. I can't understand how some guys think that being nice and friendly after they were total assholes with us means we want them in our beds. Was the apology just that? A way to get to my bed...?

     I love my island. It's a beautiful place to spend some vacations. The beaches, sun, sky, culture and traditions are amazing, like no other place on Earth. As with every other country inn the world, we have criminality. Sadly, our rates are really high. I don't live in the safest area in San Juan, so I've always been really careful to where I park or walk through. This weekend I went back home (my mom's place) and bought some new things for my new place, mainly for my room, so I was excited to head back to my apartment. Being all impatient and stuff like I always am, I decided to go back home a day earlier. I decided to stop first at a friend's house to have a drink and talk for a bit with them, since it was on the way. Had a few extra drinks, so I told K to drive home. It was almost midnight when we got to San Juan, and we were starving, so we stopped at McDonald (it was the only thing opened that late). It took us less than 30 minutes to order, eat and head to the car...

     All I remember was K saying "my laptop..." and getting inside the car, while I asked "what happened to your laptop?", ignoring the fact that I haven't even unlocked the car. Still confused, I walk around to the passengers side just to find glass all over the floor. Someone had broken into my car and had taken K's backpack. I called my mom (yes, I called her instead of calling the police. You will learn my reasons soon enough). While waiting for the police to get there, it hit me. My bag was also in the car. I looked for it and, as I feared, it was missing. My wallet and all personal documents with it. Luckily, my mom has contacts in one of the Police Departments, so agents were there in less than 10 minutes (now you understand). Something that would usually be treated with a simple taking of personal information ended up being a complete investigation. I had the CID taking fingerprints in my car and everything. Even during this misfortunes I could not help but imagining myself in a tv show or movie. Everything took about an hour and a half. Not fun.

     I am not sad or angry about the fact that they took things, but the fact that out of the 3 laptops that were in the car, they had to take K's, not mine. I can't help but to feel guilty. It was my car they broke into, they should've taken my stuff, not his (not like they would know). His new T-Rex shirt was inside that backpack, and he had been wanting that shirt so long just to get it stolen before he could use it. It's pretty unfair, and I hate myself for it. Adding to that, now I have to do eternal paperwork to get my drivers license, student ID, credit cards, insurance card and other important documents inside. I also have to obviously waste money on fixing the car's window. Then I remember the things that had some emotional value inside. A note my boyfriend wrote to me when we were in Chicago, a photo of me and my middle-school friends, another with my high-school friends, currency from places I've visited with special people... and I just get more upset.

 Now to the positive things. I will list them to make the post shorter:

1. My room is going to look so pretty once I am done with it!

2. I am planning a trip to Vieques/Culebra before the month ends. Never been there and that makes me feel like a terrible Puerto Rican.

3. This week I am supposed to receive something my boyfriend sent me. Can't wait for that! ... (10 minutes later) I just got it... incomplete. The package was open and something was missing. What a great week!

4. I plan on start my own home garden with vegetables and stuff. Yay to healthy eating!

5. Mom got me pizza for dinner. Nothing makes a day better than pizza (Well... ice cream is way better. But I won't say no to pizza.)

That's about it for this past week. I hope somehow I put a smile on someone's face.

Q: So tell me, do you remember your first kiss?

:)

Adipose

My diary

July 27, 2007

     Every girl dreams of being a princess and someday find Prince Charming, and so nice to dream. Sadly, we all wake up and realize that reality is not like that, it's nothing close to what we dream of.

     So many times we believe to have found Prince Charming, all to just realise it's just a jester in disguise. At first they make us see everything as beautiful, they treat you like a princess, they please your every desire, all with a smile in their faces. They show a kind, caring, honest, respectful, understanding face. They make themselves look like the perfect guy. Only time lets you see who is really that person who's behind the mask. Everything that once they showed you crumbles to the ground, little by little. It becomes painful living. You ask yourself when did all this started to happen, always trying to look for the one who's to blame, not knowing that indirectly the fault is ours. Why? you may ask. Many would say "It was he's fault because he never showed who he really was". I think the mistake is ours for letting our self  get blinded by love and not see past the mask.

...

     What can I say? This week I have done nothing. At least nothing worth writing long and kind-of-interesting blog about.

     I said I would go to the beach with some friends last Tuesday on my previous post. Well that didn't happen. My job schedule changed and suddenly from 10 hours I was supposed to work, I worked 20 (that you knew). Which means I worked all Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday evening. Don't take this as a me complaining. On the contrary, I was really happy to have those extra hours.

     I did get to do the other two things I wanted. Fixed my car's A/C (FINALLY!!!). Now I can happily go to my favorite beach without dying of dehydration and other heat related stuff in the process. I also went to the Comic book store. Found two issues of the comic book I was looking for (it's not for me). Going to the Comic book store is always a funny experience. Everyone goes silent when I go in. Apparently not many girls go there. On the bright side, I always get a good service. What was really amazing is that one of my elementary school classmates worked there and recognized me. It took me a bit longer to know who he was, but that's normal in me. We talked for a few minutes, just trying to catch up. But I was on a schedule and still had not paid, so I said goodbye and went on with my business.

     Let's talk about the 4th of July. It's a really American Holiday, and Puerto Rico belongs to the USA, so we are expected to celebrate it, right? We do and we don't. We have our own way to celebrate it. It doesn't involve fireworks or the American flag themed everything. Hell, I am sure people here don't even know the history behind the 4th of July. So what do we do? We go to the beach. Every single beach we have gets full to capacity. Everyone will be there with their family, the coolers full of Medalla (Puerto Rican beer), BBQ grill and just whatever food you can think of. Some people camp in the beach for the weekend, others get there as early as 6am just to get a good spot, and will stay there until sunset. Don't get me wrong, it's not that we don't care about the 4th of July, we just don't care about any Holiday at all. We see it as a free day to go to the beach. I just am happy I didn't have to go through all of that.

     I started running again this weekend. Did a 2.2 mile run around the development where my mom lives, 2 days in a row. People usually ask me why I run and try to eat healthy, since I am skinny. There are millions of answers to that question, all that have to do with having a healthy life style. Actually, what not many people know is that I have cholesterol problems. I am almost 100% sure that they are hereditary. Even before I knew I had high cholesterol, I always tried to eat healthy and exercise from time to time. It's kind of ironic how my mom is overweight (based on healthy standards), eats cookies with butter for midnight snacks and has a healthy heart. But let's look at the positive side, I wont ever let myself get overweight because I have no plans to die anytime soon.

Looks like I did have something to go on this week.

Ps. Did you get the post name reference?

:)

Contrite

My diary (translated from Spanish)

August 23, 2006

     What a f***ing sh*t!! I always have to pay for other's sh*t. Mom can not blame me if things are not going as she wants them to. She lashes out on me all the time. First she makes me cry, just to give me what I asked for in the end. It's always the same. Whatever, I have to love her anyways. She is my mom after all.

     Let's begin with the only good things that have happened this week. I started school on Monday and I already get along with everyone. I love the school, and there are some really cute guys. Teacher's are really cool. I never imagined I would be taking a class with one of my old crushes, Sean. He is really fun and treats me nice. The school and those in it are amazing. I would have never imagined I would like it so much!

...

     "Valerie, do you have a minute? I need to talk with you." Words that I've heard twice this week. It doesn't matter who says them, your heart always stops for a second when you hear it. You start going back, blaming yourself for so many things and then ask yourself which of those things are the ones they are blaming you for. Then you hear an apology. You see, I have mixed feelings with apologies. They are necessary for both parties involved. They are not easy, but they help heal and grow. But at the same time it doesn't change what happened or erases the consequences it had. Why wait until you've wronged someone to say sorry? We are humans, and what differences us from other animals is the fact that we can think logically, reason if you must say. Use that head of yours to analyze your future actions, so that way you don't have to atone later.

     This week I went out to drink and dance, better known as "clubbing", with some new friends we made in our last hangout (refer to Boil). They got out of work at 1am, and since in Puerto Rico clubs don't close until 5am or so, my best friend and I decided to take them to our favorite club. My best friend (K from now on) and I don't like to go clubbing that much, but we do have a place we like for when we get the urge. It's a nice, not that fancy, late 20-something place where we know people and have a great time. Before going to the club, we decided to pregame on a small bar near that had cheaper drinks. One of the guys we were with got drunk within the first 2 hours. It was so funny seeing him with his cheeks all pink and eyes half closed (or where they fully closed...? I will never know). He then started saying he wanted to listen to his "jam" which, to our surprise, was Happy by Pharrell. When the song came out he just stood up and started dancing. It was the funniest thing. After that, around 3am, we headed to the club. Our friends have never been there. We were lucky that night; no cover entrance. It was full and the music was not that bad. We danced like no one was watching during what was left of the night. We knew other people there, so the group got bigger and our new friends got to dance with other girls. I got home and the sun was coming up... just to get a drunk call.

     K and I were supposed to go to the beach tomorrow, but apparently that won't be possible. My work got extended through July (yaaay!) and now I have to work tomorrow. But I have Wednesday free, so maybe I'll be able to get my car's A/C fixed and finally go to the Comic book store and get some comics I've been wanting to buy. Since I'm already there, go and visit a few family members I haven't seen since I got back from China. I can see all the questions about my return coming at me. Take a deep breath Valerie...

Other things about this week:

1. K and I went furniture window shopping. We need new things for our new place.

2. We bought some pillows. First thing you do with new pillows? Pillow fight in front of the store. (We are such grown ups)

3. I dreamt I was in Las Vegas. Can I have that now?

4. I love you.  :3

     I forgot to tell you a story about last week. So, all university students out there know what it is to just have $16 in your account, a empty fridge and not knowing when more money will come in. For emergency cases like this, I have a credit card. So my K and I decided to go get some groceries to survive until the next paycheck. We both have the same credit cards, so the plan was to slip the bill and put it on the cards. Because of my cholesterol problems, I can't just go buying whatever cheap thing I find on the stand, I have to go with more healthy things, and sadly healthy equals expensive. We got the basics.. fruits, yogurt, whole wheat pastas, chicken breast, fish and such. Time to pay! Total: $80. Perfect. We take our cards out just to hear "Sorry. We don't accept that credit card." We are talking about a big brand supermarket, how could they not accept it?! So what to do...? We decided to leave out simple snacks and downed the bill to $60. Then proceeded to pay in 3 separate ways. Two cards and dollars. The cashier looked at us in disbelief, to what we replied "Student life. You have to work with what you have."

The struggle people, it is real.

(: