Lofty

This post was created somewhere around March.

(Still no internet at my place)

                         Sing, whenever there is wine,
               For life is as ephemeral

              As dew in the morning,

                               With the days to come numbered.

                Mind must be generous,

                             But seldom is it free from sorrow

That dissolves

            Only in a cup of wine. 

                                                            - The Martial Emperor of Wei 

...

It's been a pretty positive couple of weeks. 

     After a whole semester without working, I finally found a part-time job. I went from librarian to bartender. It came as a surprise to me when I got the message. I had joked around with M about covering her shift at the bar for her, but never thought that joke would actually get me somewhere. At the beginning I was completely skeptical about it, but now I love it. It's a nice once or twice in a week work with pretty good pay. I get to have fun, meet people and get them drunk. Now I understand why so many college students around the world bartend. 

     Spring Break is here! The island is full of "foreign" students (from the mainland) ready to have all kinds of fun and looking for locals to show them around. It's my favourite time of the year. One makes so many friends and shares experiences, making their stay and company one to remember for times to come. Also, they pay good tips. 

Art by: Jonathan Ortiz

     I turned 24 on February 20th. Time flies by. Each time one of my birthdays comes by I can't help but to go back to when I was 18 and I asked myself "How will I look like when I get to 21? Or 25? Where will I be?". Now I am one year away from 25 and I can't help but to ask myself the same thing about my 30's. Sometimes I wish I could stop time. But then again, I've learned enjoy the present and leave the past behind. Take what I need about it, apply it and just be happy. 

Let us read some quick points...

• Back to Seattle on March 27th! Airplanes make me happy. Food makes me happier though...
• New York, Las Vegas and Vancouver this summer? Make it a YES!
• My baby brother turns 16 on the 25th. He will finally get his driver's permit and I'll be there next to him to celebrate. So excited!
• I miss China... 
• That last point sounds a lot like something I wrote on my last post.
• Starting to plan a graduation trip. Backpacking through Europe next summer and maybe go back to China.
• I can't believe it's already been almost a year since Vancouver 2014. I miss those days.
• Alimony problem got solved and everything is good now.
• Mid-terms are here! I guess that stress makes me want to write.
• I am actually writing in class. The classmate in front of my is watching a soccer game.
• The more money I make, the more money I spend.

:)

Mislay

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

I identify myself with that picture so much. For me it portrays a deep yearning that may be interpreted wrongly as a creepy need for someone. Creepy love, my kind of love. I can't help it. 

...

Staying over at my mom's place, so no diary entrees or old stories. 

     Feels like so long ago the last time I sat down and wrote. Maybe it's because I've been stuck in my own head thinking about (darks) butterflies and rainbows. I've binge watched many tv series and dramas, read a bit here and there and spent time with friends and family. Above all I've slept. So much. 12+ hours a day. Laziness, I love it. That is, after classes ended. Before that studying was all there was for me. It's difficult to put a whole month worth of "stories" into words without leaving important details behind. I always say the same, I know. Some things never change...

     Winter is upon us! Not really. Benefits of living on a tropical island is that you don't have the need for any cold clothing. It's also something I dislike. I love winter clothes. 

     Time passes so fast. Just one year ago I was running around buying winter clothes and doing my luggage to embark on the biggest adventure of my life (yet): my first trip to China. I still remember the nervousness that had to be hidden, reassuring my family that everything was going to be alright while I myself doubted my survival. A new country, unknown food, language, transportation and culture in general. I am just happy that we did it. Learned so much, grew so much. Can I go back?

     Three more days for Christmas! I am not big on Holidays. To be honest, I pretty much hate all Holidays except Halloween. But Christmas means I get to see my boyfriend and spend time with him. Long distance relationships are not as fun as people make them seem, but (let me be cheesy here) when you find the right person, it's totally worth it. 

Swift dots! (I didn't want to say quick points. Let me be.)

• Got 3 A's and 1 B this semester. Still missing one grade. The most important one. Fingers crossed for another A!
• There's something about two girls dancing together that attracts guys like bees to honey. It's stupid and pretty weird. Stop it. Honestly.
• My younger brother doesn't want me in his room just because I didn't take him to the skatepark. He is so spoiled... (and it's totally my fault)
• That Legend of Korra finale. It was just epic. (SPOILER ALERT!!) For the first time in history we see a same-sex couple in a children's tv series. Don't try to fool yourself by arguing otherwise, Korrasami is an actual thing.
• So far I've gotten 2 amazing gifts from my friends and roommates A & K. K got me a red lightsaber (“Only at the end do you realize the power of the Dark Side”). A on the other hand got me a Chinese clay tea set. They are awesome. I know.
• I am an official Puerto Rico Comic Con Staff!! Although I know the chances are real slim, I am hoping to meet Jason Momoa at any point. Fingers crossed.
• I need to get on a plane soon. Please. Send some money my way with a letter signed by you saying that it was a donation for travelling purpose that way I can take it to court and show my dad that I don't waste money on travelling. I know it's not wasted money, but he doesn't thing the same. Patience and Wisdom.
• Went to the Social Security Administration to get stuff. I felt like such an adult. Didn't like it. 
• I started at the gym this month. May the gods bless the humans that assist to that place. They are flawless. Just the perfect motivation. 

     I'd like to think that so far I have been to two Christmas parties. Truth is the two parties I've been to had nothing to do with the Holidays. One was the "End of Semester" house party where we played Super Smash Bros, Cards Against Humanity, "Jenga" and __ pong (keeping it family friendly). M and I killed it in the pong. Good times. The second was a kind of charity event for a baby that has to undergo a heart surgery and needed help. It was a really good activity and venue. Had an amazing time. I can't say it has been a bad winter break. Sure, ups and downs, but it's been good.

     I don't think I will be writing before New Years. I will be spending some much needed quality time with my boyfriend and family. I feel so irresponsible with my blog. I am really sorry. It's not easy to keep a blog, specially when you have a lazy life and do nothing. What am I suppose to talk about when all I do is Netflix and sleep?!

(:

Deter

Dec. 29, 2011

My diary

February 12, 2007

?

I don't know what to tell you

...

I have so much school work this week, I just shouldn't be writing the blog.

     I feel like it will be a good week. How can it not be when Tuesday started with us watching Ip Man in our Chinese class? I watched this movie a few years ago and really enjoyed it. Add to that the fact that there was a table full of Puerto Rican traditional candy for sale at my Faculty's lobby. The fat person that resides inside me was so happy.

     After a little incident that happened this week I feel the need to make something clear: (if I write about you) don't take things so seriously. Since I was 15 I've always used writing as a way to let out  some steam and organise my thoughts. Originally I started this blog because of my experience as an Au Pair, but now that I am done with that, I just write of random life things and thoughts. It's like a supplementary writing to my actual diary. Raw things are usually written here. So once again, don't take it so seriously.

      Now... this week is Halloween!! Do I have a costume? No. Do I plan to go to a party? I may do something at my place (I will let you come if you bring drinks and chocolates). Do I plan to dress up? I always do. Best part about Halloween is the day-after-candy-sale at stores. My sweet-tooth goes crazy buying chocolates. Mmmm... peanut butter Snickers... *drools*

     Wednesday was an unexpected free and alone day. I had no class (or at least I didn't go to my morning class), so I stayed and took a day off to treat myself to Netflix and other streaming sites. I really love spending time with myself. It gives me an opportunity to both clear my head and think about life. I wish people could see more the beauty in silence, in being alone from time to time. We live such hectic lives nowadays. Slow down, take a deep breath, relax, think a bit, keep going.

     My weekend was not so fun. I think part of what made it that way is that I didn't have my partner in crime with me. K was out having fun in Universal Horror Nights while jobless and busy me was stuck in the apartment studying (such responsable person). Okay, I did study but I also went out. Let's start with Friday...

     I had to drive home to leave my car there. It has been heating up a lot lately and some other car related stuff needed to be done. Had to stop and wait for my mom at the hair salon. I decided to get a haircut since I was there. After, my mom decided to head to the mall and buy some sexy halloween costumes for her so we could go out on Saturday. Later, I was happy to find out that my boyfriend "by mistake" had bought and sent me the book Gone Girl. Finally back to my apartment. The rest of the night was... complicated. Drinks, music, people, kisses, arguments, conversations, messages, calls that never came. It all ended with a feeling of anger burning in my chest. 

     I remember hearing once that when women go out, they should only pay for the first drink. I've seen how many of them just stand there, flirting with guys who look like they could pay for a drink. The thing is that most time it is the guy they don't like who buys the drink. It angers me how they aren't polite enough to hold a five minute conversation with them. Yes, I know that a free drink does not mean you have to talk much less sleep with anyone, but as a good gesture just thank that person and at least ask for their names, even if you forget it the second after they tell you. It takes courage to buy someone a drink, and I consider it a big compliment. I feel that the least I can do is smile, give thanks and have some small talk. It doesn't kill you. It makes you look approachable and polite. "Good" men like women, not spoiled girls.

That's enough words. Now quick points!

• Dressed as Cruella Devile for Saturday's costume party. Taking advantage of my half blonde, half black hair. 
• My mom was a sexy nurse that same night.
• I've never dressed as sexy something. I guess I didn't get that from my mom.
• I have a hand-in test tomorrow that I will probably hand-in Wednesday.
• Marx... Lenin... Dos Santos... I will never finish this.
• I don't have a test on Wednesday. Yay! (I live by rule #32)
• Benedict Cumberbatch as The Sorcerer Supreme made my day.
• Do any of you want to pay me a trip to Seattle? I will be forever  grateful and will pay back with stuff.
• Can this week be over?
• Can this semester be over?
• Can I be New Years Eve already?
• Even if "NO" is the easiest answer, say "YES" please... 

Time to read. Sadness.

(:

Maybe we should project this out into the world...

Gape

My diary

March 20th, 2007

(Post written by my boyfriend back then)

     Muñequita, you have given meaning to my life. When my soul lacked hope and my heart had forgotten the meaning of the word LOVE, you appeared in my destiny. 

     I will never forget you, even if destiny makes us a foul play and we loose each other (which I highly doubt).

     How to forget the tenderness in your eyes, the softness of your hands, your beautiful voice, your body...; however, without doubt the most beautiful thing about you, what made me fall in love, you unique personality, affectionate, sweet; hard to forget.

I love you with all my heart,

C.A.

...

Why can't any story begin with "I was having this amazing ice cream..." 

Life happens. Sometimes I just don't have the time to write.

     Right now my roommates are reading my last blog post out loud. It's just too funny. It makes me question if all you read it in the same voice they are reading it. If you are, thank you. You get how non-serious this blog is.

Tuesday (October 7). A few things happened that day that I will list because of lazy not going into detail reasons.

• I got to see my friends G and JC, whom I hadn't seen in a long time. We had a nice lunch together. 
• I found out what was the application process for the after-college-job I want.
• Someone I "dated" called just to ask me if I knew someone who sold Adderall. Just because I used to be in Natural Sciences doesn't mean I know prescription drug dealers. (I've made some terrible dating choices, I know) 
• I had a drunk person come by apartment and start screaming my name  at 10pm.
• I couldn't finish studying for my test (replacement) because I had a drunk person trying to paint my hair with a black Sharpie.
• I was not a happy camper at the end of the night.

     It kind of upsets me when people who kicked you out of their life want to push themselves back in just when you are happy again. I personally think that it can be possible to be great friends with someone you've dated before. But what happens when you feel that person getting too clingy again? Most people would be "just tell him/her off!", but in my case I just KNOW the person will act defensive if I try and do that. I started trying distance myself, but then I get a drunk at my door. It's kind of frustrating because I honestly don't want it to affect my current relationship. That person had the chance to be with me and didn't appreciate it. It's been more than 6 months since the brake up with me (it wasn't even my choice!), it's time to move on to friendship. Not flirty-I-want-to-sleep-with-you friendship, but a nice healthy friendship.

Wednesday (October 8). I really need it to be Friday.

Then we get to this last week. Quick points!!

• I have nothing.
• OH! I went to Ponce on Saturday. That's where the picture was taken. Just wanted to get my mind off of things. Didn't really work that well, but at least I had a good sleep after that!
• I was attacked by a water fountain today at campus. I will not go into details, since I need to keep this PG. I will just say it felt somewhat like rape.
• I have a test tomorrow and I haven't read anything. Yes, I write this in almost every post. But it's because I am irresponsible like that sometimes...
• I found a organic market. Yay to eating healthy!!
• Remember kids: prostitution is illegal.

Feeling. Sick. Don't. Want. To. Study... 

(:

Kismet

My Diary
July 5, 2011

     It was hard to begin with, but with A LOT of communication everything has been improving. With time you learn the art of patience, the frustration and the continuos effort it takes to live and be happy.

     ... And... I need to go to the bathroom. I know that these few pages leave you with the desire to know more, but it will be until next time. Break a leg!

...

     Fall is here! You see that red leaf? It's actually the first time I see one. I wanted to take it home with me. It seemed like a bad idea at the moment. Now I want to go back and get it. Sadness.

     Two weeks (and a bit more)... You could say right now I am procrastinating, but I would like to see as if by writing this blog I am getting ready to do whatever school work I have to do. Plus, I am waiting for the tea to cool down a bit. 

     These past few weeks have been kind of unlucky for me. Have you heard of the chikungunya? Well I got sick with that just 2 days before something special and important happened. It was a hard decision I had to make that day. I still got to do what I wanted (more like needed) to do. But the process was a bit painful. I couldn't stay out of bed or do anything physical for a prolonged time because of the pain. But in the end, it was worth it.

     What was not worth it was the amount of class I lost. Having to stay inside for a whole week meant not going to school, which meant falling behind in class. I already took 2 tests, and I am pretty sure I have 2 more waiting for me. Add to that the whole alimony thing. When I think I am going to go back to school, no. I have to meet up with my lawyer, go to court, meet up with the lawyer again and repeat. Tomorrow will be my actual complete first day of class and I am honestly just expecting the worse. I get exhausted with half days in school right now, so I am guessing I will be dying by the end of the day.

     Stuff (I like using the word stuff) doesn't end there. Quick piece of information: my lawyer is back at my mom's town, so I usually just stay home each time we have to meet up. The drive from where I live to where she lives is a bit exhausting. The thing is, my brother and mother got the influenza B. In the event of contagion and, because I still got the chikungunya in my system, it would be mortal. So I got kicked out of my mom's house (for my own good). At this rate soon you'll see in the news "FIRST CASE OF EBOLA IN PUERTO RICO: A 23 year old student was found to be...". After so many years of good luck and karma something bad had to happen, right? So in the end I can't complain. 

Now to random stories and points:

• Received a text message this morning from an old "friend". It read "Sup. I wanna see you. Typo, I mean taste." Does that ever work for guys? I am guessing it has to in some way. If not, why do they even use it? I once tried it and got rejected... BADLY. Tried it again today, got rejected again. Third time is the charm? My ego can't take another rejection.
• People still don't believe me when I tell them I am in a relationship, even though I posted a picture of him, tagged him and added a cheesy message to it. Am I not relationship material? Is it that people think I am too selfish or something like that? Why, people? WHY?!
• I am asking myself too many questions lately. It's a phase, just ignore it.
• Can I get a flight out of here? Oh wait... I am still jobless.
• I will be doing some volunteer work in the Urban Culture Fair by the end of the month. I feel like I need more volunteer work in my life. Maybe that will tilt karma back into place.
• My Chinese has improved a lot since classes started. I can ask your name now. *wink wink*
• Wine hangovers are the worst hangovers in life. If you ever get so drunk with wine that you end up hugging the toilet... I just feel bad for you.
• I haven't been to the movies in so long it hurts. I can't wait to get some extra money on the side to waste on the movie theatre. (I should save it up, but sometimes my priorities suck.)
• I really don't want to do any school work.

Tea time is over! I guess it's time to go back to work...

(:

Malaise

Old Facebook post

October 12, 2009

     Nobody can go to the past to make a new beginning, but you can create a better present to live a more rewarding tomorrow.

...

Currently at my mom's house. That's why there is no diary post today.  Sorry guys!

     So here I am sitting down on my mom's dinner table with personal papers all around me. Being the offspring of divorced parents is not easy, specially when they hate each other. So here I am stuck between a mother who has given her all to keep us alive and healthy and my father. One asking to about every single penny I've spent in the last 3 years just because he wants to lower my alimony, another fighting for my right as a daughter who is still a student. It's kind of frustrating to be asked to hand in evidence and you having none. I've never had a full time job, much less have my economic life organised at all. How could you expect that much from a twenty-something university student?

     I am trying to recall something fun about last week, but I just can't. This whole legal mess is taking too much of my time, the one that already university takes away. So apart from what I've already written, I will keep this short. Let's jump to quick points:

• My friend Timmy got me those awesome drawings signed by my favourite web comic creator Yale Stewart. You can read them here. If you are into superheroes, you will love these.
• Miley! Miley Cyrus gave a concert in Puerto Rico. Yes, I know, not something to be proud of. But for some reason she is my guilty pleasure. I wasn't going in the first place, but then the ticket prices went down, so K,G and I decided to go. It was WAY better than we expected. We had so much fun.
• Class class class.
• Friday is almost here!!! :D

That's as much as I can remember. So I hope you all have a nice week. I don't think next week's post will be due on Monday. Probably on Tuesday or Wednesday. 

THANK YOU FOR READING! 

(:

Raillery

     While looking for some official papers in some drawers I rarely open I found a notebook I used to write poems. We (girls) have all gone through the "writing poems" phase. Either it was early in our teens, or later in our 20somethings. I have to say, I was really bad. No rules where followed, in a really bad basic cheesy way the rhymed though. At least I found a way to put my thoughts into words. I guess it all started there. Translation won't rhyme, I know. I just thought it would be fun to share what my thirteen year-old self thought about love...

July 8, 2004

LOVE

Many people say that love is beautiful,

but for me it has been painful.

Knowing you will never love me,

each day I love you more and more.

The more I try to forget you,

my heart and my mind make me remember you.

Each time I see you my heart flutters

and sometimes I even loose my mind.

I think about you all the time,

even when I am sleeping.

All this pain

for just a love

that has broken my heart.

     Wow. That was a really cheesy way to begin this post. I don't think I remember why I wrote this, but memories from this time come to mind. I must have been on 10th grade. It comes to mind Sean and his blue eyes, those I used to die for so much in middle school. I remember he used to be under the tree every recess wearing all black. He was the reason I started listening to rock and wearing black eye-liner in the first place. I wanted to be seen as cool in his eyes. His smile, even when it wasn't meant for me, could melt me on the inside and make my days better. I would go to sleep every night thinking about how one day he would notice me. My first big crush. I don't remember how long this went on. Maybe two years? See, that's the good thing about keeping diaries. It helps keep memories fresh and intact. If only I would have written a diary back then, the story wouldn't be incomplete...

...

Let's light up the mood!

     Got it? No? Not funny. It kind of was in my head. I would like to think it actually was and you all laughed with me. Please, don't shatter my dreams.

     I have no idea where to start. When I don't write weekly, the time line in my head starts being less of a line and more of a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff. Can I be lazy and put things in a list again? Lists are real easy to make. Maybe while doing it I can remember things that are worth telling details about!

1. Two Friday's ago I went clubbing with K and L (my other roommate). We had a really good time. Missed my Chinese friends at the club. They are always there. It's funny because they can't pronounce my name correctly, so they call me "Walaly" and I've grown fond to it.
2. Found something to tell you details about! You will find those stories after the list you are just reading.
3. The Saturday after clubbing I had my stepsister's birthday. It was a typical teenager party with DJ, balloons, candies and cake. Her dad got me beer and wine since I would be the only 20something there. I had a good time with beer, wine and Drake.
4. Job interview! I've learned that the job you want the less is the job you will get in the end. Life can be cruel like that.
5. Got some good grades on my Mandarin language class. Whoop whoop! :D
6. Flights are booked!! Less than 3 weeks to go.
7. Yeah... I need some adventures soon. I miss being on an airplane and things.

     You know when someone rejects you for whatever reason and you just wish you could randomly meet with them one of those days you are looking flawless? Yeah. That happened to me. It may be (probably is) really immature, but it feels empowering. Even if you know deep down inside they could not care less how you look, the fact that you feel beautiful and he got to see you on your best moments has something that makes you feel so good. I am girly like that sometimes. ... And then he goes and remembers a small detail of something you don't like, does it while telling you "I still remember you don't like this" and all the happiness turns into just wanting to kill him for that. But I will just think about that moment when I did what I wanted to do and I was flawless at it. 

     I don't know if it is because it's late or my life has become pretty boring and someone of a routine since the semester started, but I am out of things to write about. I should try and get out of my room a bit more. Do some yoga or something. It just gets a bit hard when you have so much schoolwork plus other personal things to work with. I also enjoy my alone space and silence (...will fall? I need to stop with the Doctor Who references, I know). It's really loud in the outside world and sometimes we just need to stop, take a deep breath and listen to the silence.

(:  

Plunge

     Sorry guys! Since it is the last week of summer/first week of class, I've been really busy with cleaning the apartment and leaving everything ready for the semester. This post had been already written by Monday, but didn't have the time to publish it. You should also know that next week's post will also come late. Thank you for your patience and for reading!

My diary

April 28, 2006

     Classes are over at last! I am on my vacations. Now to thing what to do. Probably I'll be home al day long. There isn't much I can do about that.

...

     Initially I thought I would only have to wake up early once this week, and sleep off the rest. Sadly, things never go our way even when they do go our way. It's been a long long long week. But at least I am happy to know that I am done running around from office to office... for now. 

     Updates! I got to enroll on the Chinese (Mandarin) language course. Had to change my schedule a bit (a lot actually), but it was totally worth it. Once I had the language class, I went to talk to the Political Science Department Director and got a class that's really important for the completion of the degree. I got asked so many questions about why did I want a degree in Political Sciences instead of any other natural sciences degree. Apparently I did a good job answering because I got the class and the Director said "Valerie, we should sit down and talk later. I want to know about your experience as a Natural Sciences student and other things." 

     There was a time where I didn't care to be recognized by any of my professors. I was pretty much a ghost in all my classes. I've never been someone outgoing in large groups, more like a sit back and observe. However, if there is something I have learned is that observing without commenting takes you nowhere. It's not like I will become a avid participant in class, but I will do my best to contribute to class discussions so that professors can remember my name for future references. 

   Last week at work! I should be more worried than happy. But I've come to see this as an opportunity to grow. I did apply to other libraries and departments in campus, but they will probably be closer to my new faculty and I wont have to deal with ugly vibes anymore. Also, it made me look for internship opportunities in the island and mainland, primarily in non-profit organizations. Apparently there are a broad range of things to do with a BA in Political Sciences.

     My car is fixed! It runs smoothly now and the A/C works perfectly again. So happy to have her back (yes, my car is a girl). I just hope that it doesn't break down in the next 6-7 months. ... aaaaand I wrote this too fast. A/C stopped working again. This time it just doesn't cool. So now I have to go back to the mechanic before Thursday.

     First day of school! For a moment there I thought the summer would never end. It was a nice first day. Had my first Chinese (Mandarin) class. I'll rant about a few things that happen in Mandarin class later. Nothing I didn't learn before in my Au Pair classes, which is nice. Other two classes were just introductions and papers of what we would study and what we needed. The heat was terrible though. Had to take a nap after that. But all around, it was pretty nice.

Quick points:
1. THURSDAAAAAYYYY!!! Can't wait for it.
2. Happy to be able to have lunch at the vegetarians again. Yay for healthy food.
3. The new roommate (L) is here. Excitement!


Hope you have a good semester!



(:

Swerve

I'll be staying over my mom's place, which means I don't have my diaries. So here an actual conversation I had once...

- "That green ugly evil stupid alien thing!"

- "You should sleepy bomb him and take his weapons and put him in a cage until he tells you something you want him to tell you."

- "I'm on my way to my secret doom lair for Zim. I will fix this."

- "Okie dokie!"

...

     This has been one tough week. I don't want to go all "pity me" on my readers, so I will just write about my thoughts on random things and conversations I've had with people.

     I am not the most experienced when it comes to dating and such. I've only been in one long-term relationshit (no typo there) and I am not good when it comes to actually going out on a date. The phrase that comes to mind when I think about dates is "You are weird..." I've heard that too much in the last year and a half. But one thing I know is that there are some things that you must stay away. For example, if you have hurt someone time after time, and after years that person is still there... that's not normal. You want someone in your life who loves you, but who also loves themselves. More so, if you feel the need to validate their love in front of others by saying "After all I've done to him, he is still there. He must really love me.", then I am almost certain that you are with that person for the right reasons. Even when in love, you can use logic. It may become cloudy, but it's still there. I won't stop saying this; people need to learn how to think, even when the heart is at stake. Maybe that's my problem, I think too much.

     Kind of got a bit excited today. I may be able to take a Intensive Basic Chinese course this semester. It's funny how I started learning Korean by myself because I wanted learn a third language, just to end up learning Chinese. I guess the few hours of class I took when being an Au Pair in Beijing made me change my mind. I would have to change my class schedule a bit, but I think it would be a perfect addition to my plans for the future.

     Talking about Korean... Can you recall that the original plan was to stay a week at the end of my Au Pair program in South Korea? Well, a friend of mine told me that next semester (Jan-May) will start on the 20th of January, which gives me a big window to travel. For a moment there I thought it would be the perfect occasion to visit South Korea, since the flight price goes down around that time. But then I remembered that I wanted to go there with someone special. Maybe it's because I've been wanting to go there for so long, I want to share the experience with someone else. Or maybe there's some kind of romantic inside me. Either way, I don't know what to do. Go alone, or wait and make it as special as I've always imagined?

     I am trying to think about a funny anecdote, but I am dry. I do have a story that made me laugh in some way. While I was cleaning the other day, my roommate's dog ran away. You should know, I am no dog lover. They always want too much attention. I made an effort to go get him (not much of an effort, just walked in front of the house while I yelled "WATSOOOON!!"). A few hours passed and I really thought he was a goner. But apparently everything you don't like does come back to you. He came back by his own. Yay...

     This is all I can write after one week of not leaving my apartment. Yes, I know this post was supposed to come out on Monday, but being lazy adds up and you just want to continue being lazy. I did a few projects here and there. My spinach seeds sprouted (Yaaay) and my place is as clean as it's ever been. But finishing around 4 seasons of random series in less than one week can't be that good for your mental stability, right?

Pd. You should check out my roommate's blog. She writes about her adventures, life and other fun stuff.

(:

Purloin

My dairy

August 14, 2005

My First Kiss

     Yesterday was a spectacular day. I went to the movies with M.A. I never believed that waiting would be so worth it. It was something special, that or those kisses took me to the clouds. I didn't care about anything, I gave it all I had because I love him with all my heart. The first, even though it was just a peck, it was super special. I had cold sweats and I was trembling because of the nervousness, but I was also fascinated. When he actually gave me the "real kiss", I didn't knew how to react, but at least what I did came from the heart. I've never felt this way and I am super happy.

...

This will be a long and not so happy one. But you are welcomed to laugh at my misfortunes. I already did it.

     As far as second chances go, experiences have not been the best. I honestly believe that people can change when they learn the consequences of their doings, but that doesn't mean I will literally give you a second chance to do what you did. As the saying goes... fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Yes, I've seen people change and really take advantage of second chances. Sadly, it's not normal, at least not in my personal experience. In Contrite I talk about apologies. That's because a "friend" apologized to me that week for being pretty much a douche bag. The thing is, I honestly expected for him to go back to friend mode, so when he invited me for drinks with him and a mutual friend I expected nothing more than that. I was so wrong. Just as the night ended and I was saying my goodbyes, he told me "Bye? Why? Aren't we gonna...?" After a small argument, I walked away feeling like shit. I can't understand how some guys think that being nice and friendly after they were total assholes with us means we want them in our beds. Was the apology just that? A way to get to my bed...?

     I love my island. It's a beautiful place to spend some vacations. The beaches, sun, sky, culture and traditions are amazing, like no other place on Earth. As with every other country inn the world, we have criminality. Sadly, our rates are really high. I don't live in the safest area in San Juan, so I've always been really careful to where I park or walk through. This weekend I went back home (my mom's place) and bought some new things for my new place, mainly for my room, so I was excited to head back to my apartment. Being all impatient and stuff like I always am, I decided to go back home a day earlier. I decided to stop first at a friend's house to have a drink and talk for a bit with them, since it was on the way. Had a few extra drinks, so I told K to drive home. It was almost midnight when we got to San Juan, and we were starving, so we stopped at McDonald (it was the only thing opened that late). It took us less than 30 minutes to order, eat and head to the car...

     All I remember was K saying "my laptop..." and getting inside the car, while I asked "what happened to your laptop?", ignoring the fact that I haven't even unlocked the car. Still confused, I walk around to the passengers side just to find glass all over the floor. Someone had broken into my car and had taken K's backpack. I called my mom (yes, I called her instead of calling the police. You will learn my reasons soon enough). While waiting for the police to get there, it hit me. My bag was also in the car. I looked for it and, as I feared, it was missing. My wallet and all personal documents with it. Luckily, my mom has contacts in one of the Police Departments, so agents were there in less than 10 minutes (now you understand). Something that would usually be treated with a simple taking of personal information ended up being a complete investigation. I had the CID taking fingerprints in my car and everything. Even during this misfortunes I could not help but imagining myself in a tv show or movie. Everything took about an hour and a half. Not fun.

     I am not sad or angry about the fact that they took things, but the fact that out of the 3 laptops that were in the car, they had to take K's, not mine. I can't help but to feel guilty. It was my car they broke into, they should've taken my stuff, not his (not like they would know). His new T-Rex shirt was inside that backpack, and he had been wanting that shirt so long just to get it stolen before he could use it. It's pretty unfair, and I hate myself for it. Adding to that, now I have to do eternal paperwork to get my drivers license, student ID, credit cards, insurance card and other important documents inside. I also have to obviously waste money on fixing the car's window. Then I remember the things that had some emotional value inside. A note my boyfriend wrote to me when we were in Chicago, a photo of me and my middle-school friends, another with my high-school friends, currency from places I've visited with special people... and I just get more upset.

 Now to the positive things. I will list them to make the post shorter:

1. My room is going to look so pretty once I am done with it!

2. I am planning a trip to Vieques/Culebra before the month ends. Never been there and that makes me feel like a terrible Puerto Rican.

3. This week I am supposed to receive something my boyfriend sent me. Can't wait for that! ... (10 minutes later) I just got it... incomplete. The package was open and something was missing. What a great week!

4. I plan on start my own home garden with vegetables and stuff. Yay to healthy eating!

5. Mom got me pizza for dinner. Nothing makes a day better than pizza (Well... ice cream is way better. But I won't say no to pizza.)

That's about it for this past week. I hope somehow I put a smile on someone's face.

Q: So tell me, do you remember your first kiss?

:)

Adipose

My diary

July 27, 2007

     Every girl dreams of being a princess and someday find Prince Charming, and so nice to dream. Sadly, we all wake up and realize that reality is not like that, it's nothing close to what we dream of.

     So many times we believe to have found Prince Charming, all to just realise it's just a jester in disguise. At first they make us see everything as beautiful, they treat you like a princess, they please your every desire, all with a smile in their faces. They show a kind, caring, honest, respectful, understanding face. They make themselves look like the perfect guy. Only time lets you see who is really that person who's behind the mask. Everything that once they showed you crumbles to the ground, little by little. It becomes painful living. You ask yourself when did all this started to happen, always trying to look for the one who's to blame, not knowing that indirectly the fault is ours. Why? you may ask. Many would say "It was he's fault because he never showed who he really was". I think the mistake is ours for letting our self  get blinded by love and not see past the mask.

...

     What can I say? This week I have done nothing. At least nothing worth writing long and kind-of-interesting blog about.

     I said I would go to the beach with some friends last Tuesday on my previous post. Well that didn't happen. My job schedule changed and suddenly from 10 hours I was supposed to work, I worked 20 (that you knew). Which means I worked all Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday evening. Don't take this as a me complaining. On the contrary, I was really happy to have those extra hours.

     I did get to do the other two things I wanted. Fixed my car's A/C (FINALLY!!!). Now I can happily go to my favorite beach without dying of dehydration and other heat related stuff in the process. I also went to the Comic book store. Found two issues of the comic book I was looking for (it's not for me). Going to the Comic book store is always a funny experience. Everyone goes silent when I go in. Apparently not many girls go there. On the bright side, I always get a good service. What was really amazing is that one of my elementary school classmates worked there and recognized me. It took me a bit longer to know who he was, but that's normal in me. We talked for a few minutes, just trying to catch up. But I was on a schedule and still had not paid, so I said goodbye and went on with my business.

     Let's talk about the 4th of July. It's a really American Holiday, and Puerto Rico belongs to the USA, so we are expected to celebrate it, right? We do and we don't. We have our own way to celebrate it. It doesn't involve fireworks or the American flag themed everything. Hell, I am sure people here don't even know the history behind the 4th of July. So what do we do? We go to the beach. Every single beach we have gets full to capacity. Everyone will be there with their family, the coolers full of Medalla (Puerto Rican beer), BBQ grill and just whatever food you can think of. Some people camp in the beach for the weekend, others get there as early as 6am just to get a good spot, and will stay there until sunset. Don't get me wrong, it's not that we don't care about the 4th of July, we just don't care about any Holiday at all. We see it as a free day to go to the beach. I just am happy I didn't have to go through all of that.

     I started running again this weekend. Did a 2.2 mile run around the development where my mom lives, 2 days in a row. People usually ask me why I run and try to eat healthy, since I am skinny. There are millions of answers to that question, all that have to do with having a healthy life style. Actually, what not many people know is that I have cholesterol problems. I am almost 100% sure that they are hereditary. Even before I knew I had high cholesterol, I always tried to eat healthy and exercise from time to time. It's kind of ironic how my mom is overweight (based on healthy standards), eats cookies with butter for midnight snacks and has a healthy heart. But let's look at the positive side, I wont ever let myself get overweight because I have no plans to die anytime soon.

Looks like I did have something to go on this week.

Ps. Did you get the post name reference?

:)

Contrite

My diary (translated from Spanish)

August 23, 2006

     What a f***ing sh*t!! I always have to pay for other's sh*t. Mom can not blame me if things are not going as she wants them to. She lashes out on me all the time. First she makes me cry, just to give me what I asked for in the end. It's always the same. Whatever, I have to love her anyways. She is my mom after all.

     Let's begin with the only good things that have happened this week. I started school on Monday and I already get along with everyone. I love the school, and there are some really cute guys. Teacher's are really cool. I never imagined I would be taking a class with one of my old crushes, Sean. He is really fun and treats me nice. The school and those in it are amazing. I would have never imagined I would like it so much!

...

     "Valerie, do you have a minute? I need to talk with you." Words that I've heard twice this week. It doesn't matter who says them, your heart always stops for a second when you hear it. You start going back, blaming yourself for so many things and then ask yourself which of those things are the ones they are blaming you for. Then you hear an apology. You see, I have mixed feelings with apologies. They are necessary for both parties involved. They are not easy, but they help heal and grow. But at the same time it doesn't change what happened or erases the consequences it had. Why wait until you've wronged someone to say sorry? We are humans, and what differences us from other animals is the fact that we can think logically, reason if you must say. Use that head of yours to analyze your future actions, so that way you don't have to atone later.

     This week I went out to drink and dance, better known as "clubbing", with some new friends we made in our last hangout (refer to Boil). They got out of work at 1am, and since in Puerto Rico clubs don't close until 5am or so, my best friend and I decided to take them to our favorite club. My best friend (K from now on) and I don't like to go clubbing that much, but we do have a place we like for when we get the urge. It's a nice, not that fancy, late 20-something place where we know people and have a great time. Before going to the club, we decided to pregame on a small bar near that had cheaper drinks. One of the guys we were with got drunk within the first 2 hours. It was so funny seeing him with his cheeks all pink and eyes half closed (or where they fully closed...? I will never know). He then started saying he wanted to listen to his "jam" which, to our surprise, was Happy by Pharrell. When the song came out he just stood up and started dancing. It was the funniest thing. After that, around 3am, we headed to the club. Our friends have never been there. We were lucky that night; no cover entrance. It was full and the music was not that bad. We danced like no one was watching during what was left of the night. We knew other people there, so the group got bigger and our new friends got to dance with other girls. I got home and the sun was coming up... just to get a drunk call.

     K and I were supposed to go to the beach tomorrow, but apparently that won't be possible. My work got extended through July (yaaay!) and now I have to work tomorrow. But I have Wednesday free, so maybe I'll be able to get my car's A/C fixed and finally go to the Comic book store and get some comics I've been wanting to buy. Since I'm already there, go and visit a few family members I haven't seen since I got back from China. I can see all the questions about my return coming at me. Take a deep breath Valerie...

Other things about this week:

1. K and I went furniture window shopping. We need new things for our new place.

2. We bought some pillows. First thing you do with new pillows? Pillow fight in front of the store. (We are such grown ups)

3. I dreamt I was in Las Vegas. Can I have that now?

4. I love you.  :3

     I forgot to tell you a story about last week. So, all university students out there know what it is to just have $16 in your account, a empty fridge and not knowing when more money will come in. For emergency cases like this, I have a credit card. So my K and I decided to go get some groceries to survive until the next paycheck. We both have the same credit cards, so the plan was to slip the bill and put it on the cards. Because of my cholesterol problems, I can't just go buying whatever cheap thing I find on the stand, I have to go with more healthy things, and sadly healthy equals expensive. We got the basics.. fruits, yogurt, whole wheat pastas, chicken breast, fish and such. Time to pay! Total: $80. Perfect. We take our cards out just to hear "Sorry. We don't accept that credit card." We are talking about a big brand supermarket, how could they not accept it?! So what to do...? We decided to leave out simple snacks and downed the bill to $60. Then proceeded to pay in 3 separate ways. Two cards and dollars. The cashier looked at us in disbelief, to what we replied "Student life. You have to work with what you have."

The struggle people, it is real.

(:

Boil

My Diary (translated from Spanish)
April 28, 2006

     Today can't really be worse. I've been yearning to go to my class' disco party, and no, because of my older brother I won't be able to go. I can't do anything, just think and imagine how would it be like to be there.
     I want to believe this is a nightmare. I can't believe what my mom just did. He let my brother go to the his girlfriend's activity, and didn't even say a word to me. I am sure this is just a bad nightmare and that I will wake up anytime now. Please, wake me up because I can't handle this anymore.

...

As a comment on my dairy: I started reading the first one I ever wrote. I noticed two important things, (1) I wasn't a happy teenager and (2) I talked boys... A LOT. You'll have your chance too see it as I transcribe more of it during my next blogs.

     Yes. It's incredibly hot in Puerto Rico. The weather is killing me. I know I've said "I am a tropical bird. I need heat!", but this is something else. It's like hell has descended upon us. To top it up, my car has no A/C. The day I got back from Beijing, it broke. So even if beach is always and option (and I hate the beach), I still have to drive around 15-20 minutes in the terrible heat to get there, and then drive back home. So it ends up being a worthless effort. September needs to get here a bit... NOPE. I would still choose the heat than going back to class and work. Forget it. Long live the heat!

     As every other person who enjoys drinking, I have my favorite bar where even the bartenders know me. My friends and I usually go there at least once a week to have a beer... or four. Usually Thursday nights are a big deal in the Avenue next to where I live, where the bar is located. Last Thursday one of my friends and I decided to go get one beer. As always, we had more than one beer. Something you should know is that I am a bad dancer. People seem to think that because I come from a Caribbean island I know how to dance. Bad news: I don't. The thing is that night at the bar they had some awesome (by awesome I mean really bad but danceable) music on (G-Dragon, Psy, Beyonce, Drake, Miley, Gaga, Pharrell, salsa and merengue classics) so, after a few beers, my friend and I started dancing. We danced for hours, and noticed there was this cute guy who had been standing in a corner alone all night long. Usually this would be totally creepy and a red flag, but for two drunk people it was just curious. My friend dared me to talk to him, if I did he would buy me a beer and who can say no to that?! (In a friendly matter of course) I went over and it turns out that he was a new student in the university and knew no one so far. So I introduced him to my friend and we had a great time after that. We're close now (this is a saying and not actually a fact). We met some other people that night, but haven't stayed in contact that much.

     Last Monday night was the "Noche de San Juan". A traditional PAGAN (they give a lot of emphasis on this word in the media here) celebration here in Puerto Rico that takes place annually on the night of June 23rd. The idea of this celebration is to go to the beach and throw yourself backwards 12 (everyone says a different number, don't know why) times in the water to clean yourself of bad luck and such. Beaches get really crowded so I decided to just invite some really close friends over to the pool at my mom's. Got some pizza, wine, vodka and sangría; played charades and lost in the most disgraceful way. I like simple gatherings like that. We had an amazing time.

     Apart from those 2 nights, I haven't done much. Just sleep, eat and other Deandra things. Wait... I did start watching House of Cards. Amazing series.

     I almost forgot! I am planning my next trip. I don't have a physical exact bucket list, I usually add things along the way. But there's this one thing I've always wanted to do, and today I found out it's not that expensive or hard to accomplish. It's really simple. I just want to see the Milky Way from Death Valley, CA. Experience what the ancient astronomers could see every night in the sky. Death Valley is just a 2 hour drive from Las Vegas, so I get to get something off my bucket list and have a nice time in a big city too. I am planning to do it on November, since the website of Death Valley says the place is almost empty by that date. Crossing my fingers!

(: