Lofty

This post was created somewhere around March.

(Still no internet at my place)

                         Sing, whenever there is wine,
               For life is as ephemeral

              As dew in the morning,

                               With the days to come numbered.

                Mind must be generous,

                             But seldom is it free from sorrow

That dissolves

            Only in a cup of wine. 

                                                            - The Martial Emperor of Wei 

...

It's been a pretty positive couple of weeks. 

     After a whole semester without working, I finally found a part-time job. I went from librarian to bartender. It came as a surprise to me when I got the message. I had joked around with M about covering her shift at the bar for her, but never thought that joke would actually get me somewhere. At the beginning I was completely skeptical about it, but now I love it. It's a nice once or twice in a week work with pretty good pay. I get to have fun, meet people and get them drunk. Now I understand why so many college students around the world bartend. 

     Spring Break is here! The island is full of "foreign" students (from the mainland) ready to have all kinds of fun and looking for locals to show them around. It's my favourite time of the year. One makes so many friends and shares experiences, making their stay and company one to remember for times to come. Also, they pay good tips. 

Art by: Jonathan Ortiz

     I turned 24 on February 20th. Time flies by. Each time one of my birthdays comes by I can't help but to go back to when I was 18 and I asked myself "How will I look like when I get to 21? Or 25? Where will I be?". Now I am one year away from 25 and I can't help but to ask myself the same thing about my 30's. Sometimes I wish I could stop time. But then again, I've learned enjoy the present and leave the past behind. Take what I need about it, apply it and just be happy. 

Let us read some quick points...

• Back to Seattle on March 27th! Airplanes make me happy. Food makes me happier though...
• New York, Las Vegas and Vancouver this summer? Make it a YES!
• My baby brother turns 16 on the 25th. He will finally get his driver's permit and I'll be there next to him to celebrate. So excited!
• I miss China... 
• That last point sounds a lot like something I wrote on my last post.
• Starting to plan a graduation trip. Backpacking through Europe next summer and maybe go back to China.
• I can't believe it's already been almost a year since Vancouver 2014. I miss those days.
• Alimony problem got solved and everything is good now.
• Mid-terms are here! I guess that stress makes me want to write.
• I am actually writing in class. The classmate in front of my is watching a soccer game.
• The more money I make, the more money I spend.

:)

Kismet

My Diary
July 5, 2011

     It was hard to begin with, but with A LOT of communication everything has been improving. With time you learn the art of patience, the frustration and the continuos effort it takes to live and be happy.

     ... And... I need to go to the bathroom. I know that these few pages leave you with the desire to know more, but it will be until next time. Break a leg!

...

     Fall is here! You see that red leaf? It's actually the first time I see one. I wanted to take it home with me. It seemed like a bad idea at the moment. Now I want to go back and get it. Sadness.

     Two weeks (and a bit more)... You could say right now I am procrastinating, but I would like to see as if by writing this blog I am getting ready to do whatever school work I have to do. Plus, I am waiting for the tea to cool down a bit. 

     These past few weeks have been kind of unlucky for me. Have you heard of the chikungunya? Well I got sick with that just 2 days before something special and important happened. It was a hard decision I had to make that day. I still got to do what I wanted (more like needed) to do. But the process was a bit painful. I couldn't stay out of bed or do anything physical for a prolonged time because of the pain. But in the end, it was worth it.

     What was not worth it was the amount of class I lost. Having to stay inside for a whole week meant not going to school, which meant falling behind in class. I already took 2 tests, and I am pretty sure I have 2 more waiting for me. Add to that the whole alimony thing. When I think I am going to go back to school, no. I have to meet up with my lawyer, go to court, meet up with the lawyer again and repeat. Tomorrow will be my actual complete first day of class and I am honestly just expecting the worse. I get exhausted with half days in school right now, so I am guessing I will be dying by the end of the day.

     Stuff (I like using the word stuff) doesn't end there. Quick piece of information: my lawyer is back at my mom's town, so I usually just stay home each time we have to meet up. The drive from where I live to where she lives is a bit exhausting. The thing is, my brother and mother got the influenza B. In the event of contagion and, because I still got the chikungunya in my system, it would be mortal. So I got kicked out of my mom's house (for my own good). At this rate soon you'll see in the news "FIRST CASE OF EBOLA IN PUERTO RICO: A 23 year old student was found to be...". After so many years of good luck and karma something bad had to happen, right? So in the end I can't complain. 

Now to random stories and points:

• Received a text message this morning from an old "friend". It read "Sup. I wanna see you. Typo, I mean taste." Does that ever work for guys? I am guessing it has to in some way. If not, why do they even use it? I once tried it and got rejected... BADLY. Tried it again today, got rejected again. Third time is the charm? My ego can't take another rejection.
• People still don't believe me when I tell them I am in a relationship, even though I posted a picture of him, tagged him and added a cheesy message to it. Am I not relationship material? Is it that people think I am too selfish or something like that? Why, people? WHY?!
• I am asking myself too many questions lately. It's a phase, just ignore it.
• Can I get a flight out of here? Oh wait... I am still jobless.
• I will be doing some volunteer work in the Urban Culture Fair by the end of the month. I feel like I need more volunteer work in my life. Maybe that will tilt karma back into place.
• My Chinese has improved a lot since classes started. I can ask your name now. *wink wink*
• Wine hangovers are the worst hangovers in life. If you ever get so drunk with wine that you end up hugging the toilet... I just feel bad for you.
• I haven't been to the movies in so long it hurts. I can't wait to get some extra money on the side to waste on the movie theatre. (I should save it up, but sometimes my priorities suck.)
• I really don't want to do any school work.

Tea time is over! I guess it's time to go back to work...

(:

Malaise

Old Facebook post

October 12, 2009

     Nobody can go to the past to make a new beginning, but you can create a better present to live a more rewarding tomorrow.

...

Currently at my mom's house. That's why there is no diary post today.  Sorry guys!

     So here I am sitting down on my mom's dinner table with personal papers all around me. Being the offspring of divorced parents is not easy, specially when they hate each other. So here I am stuck between a mother who has given her all to keep us alive and healthy and my father. One asking to about every single penny I've spent in the last 3 years just because he wants to lower my alimony, another fighting for my right as a daughter who is still a student. It's kind of frustrating to be asked to hand in evidence and you having none. I've never had a full time job, much less have my economic life organised at all. How could you expect that much from a twenty-something university student?

     I am trying to recall something fun about last week, but I just can't. This whole legal mess is taking too much of my time, the one that already university takes away. So apart from what I've already written, I will keep this short. Let's jump to quick points:

• My friend Timmy got me those awesome drawings signed by my favourite web comic creator Yale Stewart. You can read them here. If you are into superheroes, you will love these.
• Miley! Miley Cyrus gave a concert in Puerto Rico. Yes, I know, not something to be proud of. But for some reason she is my guilty pleasure. I wasn't going in the first place, but then the ticket prices went down, so K,G and I decided to go. It was WAY better than we expected. We had so much fun.
• Class class class.
• Friday is almost here!!! :D

That's as much as I can remember. So I hope you all have a nice week. I don't think next week's post will be due on Monday. Probably on Tuesday or Wednesday. 

THANK YOU FOR READING! 

(:

Plunge

     Sorry guys! Since it is the last week of summer/first week of class, I've been really busy with cleaning the apartment and leaving everything ready for the semester. This post had been already written by Monday, but didn't have the time to publish it. You should also know that next week's post will also come late. Thank you for your patience and for reading!

My diary

April 28, 2006

     Classes are over at last! I am on my vacations. Now to thing what to do. Probably I'll be home al day long. There isn't much I can do about that.

...

     Initially I thought I would only have to wake up early once this week, and sleep off the rest. Sadly, things never go our way even when they do go our way. It's been a long long long week. But at least I am happy to know that I am done running around from office to office... for now. 

     Updates! I got to enroll on the Chinese (Mandarin) language course. Had to change my schedule a bit (a lot actually), but it was totally worth it. Once I had the language class, I went to talk to the Political Science Department Director and got a class that's really important for the completion of the degree. I got asked so many questions about why did I want a degree in Political Sciences instead of any other natural sciences degree. Apparently I did a good job answering because I got the class and the Director said "Valerie, we should sit down and talk later. I want to know about your experience as a Natural Sciences student and other things." 

     There was a time where I didn't care to be recognized by any of my professors. I was pretty much a ghost in all my classes. I've never been someone outgoing in large groups, more like a sit back and observe. However, if there is something I have learned is that observing without commenting takes you nowhere. It's not like I will become a avid participant in class, but I will do my best to contribute to class discussions so that professors can remember my name for future references. 

   Last week at work! I should be more worried than happy. But I've come to see this as an opportunity to grow. I did apply to other libraries and departments in campus, but they will probably be closer to my new faculty and I wont have to deal with ugly vibes anymore. Also, it made me look for internship opportunities in the island and mainland, primarily in non-profit organizations. Apparently there are a broad range of things to do with a BA in Political Sciences.

     My car is fixed! It runs smoothly now and the A/C works perfectly again. So happy to have her back (yes, my car is a girl). I just hope that it doesn't break down in the next 6-7 months. ... aaaaand I wrote this too fast. A/C stopped working again. This time it just doesn't cool. So now I have to go back to the mechanic before Thursday.

     First day of school! For a moment there I thought the summer would never end. It was a nice first day. Had my first Chinese (Mandarin) class. I'll rant about a few things that happen in Mandarin class later. Nothing I didn't learn before in my Au Pair classes, which is nice. Other two classes were just introductions and papers of what we would study and what we needed. The heat was terrible though. Had to take a nap after that. But all around, it was pretty nice.

Quick points:
1. THURSDAAAAAYYYY!!! Can't wait for it.
2. Happy to be able to have lunch at the vegetarians again. Yay for healthy food.
3. The new roommate (L) is here. Excitement!


Hope you have a good semester!



(:

Swig

My diary

June 29, 2006

(Back story: I was in Orlando, FL on vacations with my mom's boyfriend and his daughter. We were staying at a hotel. I met some cool children in the common area while I wrote on my diary. So here is what one of them wrote...)

     Your friend who's very sexy and fine that you met an hour ago and has a nice body and is very very very very funny.

Marquice

...

     I went back and started reading my first posts. I had so many expectations with the whole Au Pair program. It kind of hurts that I didn't get the chance to finish it as I wanted. Maybe I didn't plan it well enough. Still, I am happy to have been able to experience a bit of that program and will cherish the memories.

     After a few days without work, Tuesday started again. These will be the last two weeks I have left at work, so I will be at it every day of the week just to make the most money I can. It's nice because my supervisor is back and I am also working with K. Still, the head boss has been a bit... grouchy lately. Everyone knows so. My supervisor had to apologize in her behalf because she knew that the way I was fired was not the correct one. Sadly, I am just a student assistant so there is not much I can do about it. Just move on and try to find a new job at another library. On a positive note, my supervisor said she would be happy to provide a reference letter if needed, and she did. I am impressed with all the positive things she wrote about me. I can't thank her enough for that. 

     Car's A/C broke again. Well, my car in general. One of these days I will throw the car down a cliff and watch it burn while I smile in a creepy way... Also, I should go get an ID soon, just in case I get asked for one when going out for a drink. It's funny because legal drinking age in Puerto Rico is 18, I am 23 and I still get asked for my ID at places. Good genes right here.

     Wednesday was wine and beer pong day. Somehow Owlady and her boyfriend thought it was a good idea to fill up red cups with beer and wine, wine cups having as much as beer ones. K was my partner and let me tell you, he sucks at beer pong so much. We lost 3 out of 3 games, so you can imagine how wasted we ended up. But we had a lot of fun, all in the safety of our apartment. Now that I know that my table is great for beer pong, I guess I'll be doing more competitions like this during the semester!

     Do you like snakes? I love them. They are so majestic. Ever since I was a little girl I've wanted one as a pet, but my mom is scared of them so I never had it. But now that I live "by my own" there's an opportunity to have one. The thing is, Owlady said the other day "Hey! You guys like snakes? I want to buy one." ... and in that moment I was the happiest person alive. She said she will buy the whole thing about next week. Yay to pet snakes!!

     We had a storm on Saturday. It didn't rain as much as I would have liked, but it was nice to have some not so hot weather. There had been a drought the past few weeks, so a good rain was much needed in the island. What I find stupid is that, even though it rained, it wasn't much and, instead of keeping the rationalization of water in a smaller scale until the reservoir (or dam, not sure which to use) is at healthy levels, they just decided to set it back until there is another drought. Puerto Rico does it better.

     AUGUST IS HERE!!! Campus was full today. Suddenly I remembered why I loved studying so much... The semester starts next Monday and I am not happy with that (contradictory, I know). It means that we have to go back to studying and being a responsible adult. On the bright side, it also means meeting new people, having new adventures and just having something to do instead of being in bed all day.

Time for radom points:
1. Ten more days for Thursday!
2. Can't wait to put on my "I ♥ BJ" shirt (BJ stands for Beijing) for school.
3. I miss some of my college friends. Getting to see them is a plus.
4. Today has been the most productive/unproductive day ever. I felt like flipping tables everywhere.
 5. My last week of summer and I will spend it all at work.



(:

Swerve

I'll be staying over my mom's place, which means I don't have my diaries. So here an actual conversation I had once...

- "That green ugly evil stupid alien thing!"

- "You should sleepy bomb him and take his weapons and put him in a cage until he tells you something you want him to tell you."

- "I'm on my way to my secret doom lair for Zim. I will fix this."

- "Okie dokie!"

...

     This has been one tough week. I don't want to go all "pity me" on my readers, so I will just write about my thoughts on random things and conversations I've had with people.

     I am not the most experienced when it comes to dating and such. I've only been in one long-term relationshit (no typo there) and I am not good when it comes to actually going out on a date. The phrase that comes to mind when I think about dates is "You are weird..." I've heard that too much in the last year and a half. But one thing I know is that there are some things that you must stay away. For example, if you have hurt someone time after time, and after years that person is still there... that's not normal. You want someone in your life who loves you, but who also loves themselves. More so, if you feel the need to validate their love in front of others by saying "After all I've done to him, he is still there. He must really love me.", then I am almost certain that you are with that person for the right reasons. Even when in love, you can use logic. It may become cloudy, but it's still there. I won't stop saying this; people need to learn how to think, even when the heart is at stake. Maybe that's my problem, I think too much.

     Kind of got a bit excited today. I may be able to take a Intensive Basic Chinese course this semester. It's funny how I started learning Korean by myself because I wanted learn a third language, just to end up learning Chinese. I guess the few hours of class I took when being an Au Pair in Beijing made me change my mind. I would have to change my class schedule a bit, but I think it would be a perfect addition to my plans for the future.

     Talking about Korean... Can you recall that the original plan was to stay a week at the end of my Au Pair program in South Korea? Well, a friend of mine told me that next semester (Jan-May) will start on the 20th of January, which gives me a big window to travel. For a moment there I thought it would be the perfect occasion to visit South Korea, since the flight price goes down around that time. But then I remembered that I wanted to go there with someone special. Maybe it's because I've been wanting to go there for so long, I want to share the experience with someone else. Or maybe there's some kind of romantic inside me. Either way, I don't know what to do. Go alone, or wait and make it as special as I've always imagined?

     I am trying to think about a funny anecdote, but I am dry. I do have a story that made me laugh in some way. While I was cleaning the other day, my roommate's dog ran away. You should know, I am no dog lover. They always want too much attention. I made an effort to go get him (not much of an effort, just walked in front of the house while I yelled "WATSOOOON!!"). A few hours passed and I really thought he was a goner. But apparently everything you don't like does come back to you. He came back by his own. Yay...

     This is all I can write after one week of not leaving my apartment. Yes, I know this post was supposed to come out on Monday, but being lazy adds up and you just want to continue being lazy. I did a few projects here and there. My spinach seeds sprouted (Yaaay) and my place is as clean as it's ever been. But finishing around 4 seasons of random series in less than one week can't be that good for your mental stability, right?

Pd. You should check out my roommate's blog. She writes about her adventures, life and other fun stuff.

(:

Purloin

My dairy

August 14, 2005

My First Kiss

     Yesterday was a spectacular day. I went to the movies with M.A. I never believed that waiting would be so worth it. It was something special, that or those kisses took me to the clouds. I didn't care about anything, I gave it all I had because I love him with all my heart. The first, even though it was just a peck, it was super special. I had cold sweats and I was trembling because of the nervousness, but I was also fascinated. When he actually gave me the "real kiss", I didn't knew how to react, but at least what I did came from the heart. I've never felt this way and I am super happy.

...

This will be a long and not so happy one. But you are welcomed to laugh at my misfortunes. I already did it.

     As far as second chances go, experiences have not been the best. I honestly believe that people can change when they learn the consequences of their doings, but that doesn't mean I will literally give you a second chance to do what you did. As the saying goes... fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Yes, I've seen people change and really take advantage of second chances. Sadly, it's not normal, at least not in my personal experience. In Contrite I talk about apologies. That's because a "friend" apologized to me that week for being pretty much a douche bag. The thing is, I honestly expected for him to go back to friend mode, so when he invited me for drinks with him and a mutual friend I expected nothing more than that. I was so wrong. Just as the night ended and I was saying my goodbyes, he told me "Bye? Why? Aren't we gonna...?" After a small argument, I walked away feeling like shit. I can't understand how some guys think that being nice and friendly after they were total assholes with us means we want them in our beds. Was the apology just that? A way to get to my bed...?

     I love my island. It's a beautiful place to spend some vacations. The beaches, sun, sky, culture and traditions are amazing, like no other place on Earth. As with every other country inn the world, we have criminality. Sadly, our rates are really high. I don't live in the safest area in San Juan, so I've always been really careful to where I park or walk through. This weekend I went back home (my mom's place) and bought some new things for my new place, mainly for my room, so I was excited to head back to my apartment. Being all impatient and stuff like I always am, I decided to go back home a day earlier. I decided to stop first at a friend's house to have a drink and talk for a bit with them, since it was on the way. Had a few extra drinks, so I told K to drive home. It was almost midnight when we got to San Juan, and we were starving, so we stopped at McDonald (it was the only thing opened that late). It took us less than 30 minutes to order, eat and head to the car...

     All I remember was K saying "my laptop..." and getting inside the car, while I asked "what happened to your laptop?", ignoring the fact that I haven't even unlocked the car. Still confused, I walk around to the passengers side just to find glass all over the floor. Someone had broken into my car and had taken K's backpack. I called my mom (yes, I called her instead of calling the police. You will learn my reasons soon enough). While waiting for the police to get there, it hit me. My bag was also in the car. I looked for it and, as I feared, it was missing. My wallet and all personal documents with it. Luckily, my mom has contacts in one of the Police Departments, so agents were there in less than 10 minutes (now you understand). Something that would usually be treated with a simple taking of personal information ended up being a complete investigation. I had the CID taking fingerprints in my car and everything. Even during this misfortunes I could not help but imagining myself in a tv show or movie. Everything took about an hour and a half. Not fun.

     I am not sad or angry about the fact that they took things, but the fact that out of the 3 laptops that were in the car, they had to take K's, not mine. I can't help but to feel guilty. It was my car they broke into, they should've taken my stuff, not his (not like they would know). His new T-Rex shirt was inside that backpack, and he had been wanting that shirt so long just to get it stolen before he could use it. It's pretty unfair, and I hate myself for it. Adding to that, now I have to do eternal paperwork to get my drivers license, student ID, credit cards, insurance card and other important documents inside. I also have to obviously waste money on fixing the car's window. Then I remember the things that had some emotional value inside. A note my boyfriend wrote to me when we were in Chicago, a photo of me and my middle-school friends, another with my high-school friends, currency from places I've visited with special people... and I just get more upset.

 Now to the positive things. I will list them to make the post shorter:

1. My room is going to look so pretty once I am done with it!

2. I am planning a trip to Vieques/Culebra before the month ends. Never been there and that makes me feel like a terrible Puerto Rican.

3. This week I am supposed to receive something my boyfriend sent me. Can't wait for that! ... (10 minutes later) I just got it... incomplete. The package was open and something was missing. What a great week!

4. I plan on start my own home garden with vegetables and stuff. Yay to healthy eating!

5. Mom got me pizza for dinner. Nothing makes a day better than pizza (Well... ice cream is way better. But I won't say no to pizza.)

That's about it for this past week. I hope somehow I put a smile on someone's face.

Q: So tell me, do you remember your first kiss?

:)

Zilch

"Write it down and smoke it! Just take that sh** and put it into Jerk Island"

"I am actually writing my blog. Writing always makes me feel better."

...

I am trying to get back into posting every Monday. Since I don't have much to do, I think I can do it.

     My friends tell me that reading the blog is like reading my personal diary and, being honest here, who doesn't like to see into someone's personal thoughts? It's really funny because some of them have actually read my teenage years diaries and usually laugh so much. I should start quoting those. It will be fun to share.

     Since I wrote last Friday, I can't say I've done much so far. Father's day was pretty much another normal day with a bit of morning family drama. Soon after noon it was all forgotten which, now that I think about it, is a first. I am impressed.

     Getting back home before I expected has brought minor complications. For someone who doesn't have much to worry about in her life, money can seem like a big problem. I am happy to say I don't have many important big debts, but there are still a few things here and there. Yes, I do have my old work back, but I am just getting really few hours and the library will be closing the whole month of July. Pretty much means I'll be jobless a whole month. Yay (not)! Wish I could get a second temporary job for the summer, but it's too late to get those. So I am guessing I'll be living at my mother's in July to save what little money I have left.

     Lots of things have been going through my mind lately. You see, the more time I spend at my house, the more time I have to think about stuff and the more time my mother has to plant doubt in my head about everything. I know she does this because she cares about me and doesn't want life to surprise me. But I sometimes feel its too much to consider at once. As I told you in the last post, new stage in my life, she doesn't need to overwhelm me with more thoughts and doubts that I already have. I just need to be wise about what I choose to listen and what I choose to just hear.

     On a lighter note, everyone has been making fun of me because I came back with some extra (not much really) pounds in me. But what did I expect when I ate ice cream and cookies every other night in China? I said I would start doing some exercise, but a week has passed and the only exercise I've done is walking to the kitchen. I am pretty sure that if I keep this up, I will die young...

     I miss going to the movies alone. I hope I can get my car back on track tomorrow and just take some time for myself. Clear my head. Plan ahead.

(: