Blithe

"No day shall erase you from the memory of time"

"The real violence, the violence I realized  was unforgivable,

is the violence we do to ourselves when we're too afraid 

to be who we really are."

-  Nomi  Marks (Sense8)

...

So much to write in one post. I'll try to keep it as simple as possible, without leaving any details behind! 

     Last time I wrote, I just arrived back from Seattle, WA. Although I was extremely happy at the opportunity to travel once more, a whole crazy month was ahead of me. Yes, I am talking about finals. I a beginning, when the first finals calendar came out, I was pretty relieved to see that I had time between one test and the other and that none interfered with my ComicCon workdays. But I study at the University of Puerto Rico and calendars are NEVER written on stone. Just as the last day of class approached, so did a 48 hour campus strike. 

Candela, candela. La iupi da candela.

     The strike could only mean one thing: finals and classes would be pushed back a few days. I didn't worry about studying time, but about how would that affect my Puerto Rico Comic Con work weekend. As feared, one of my finals was scheduled for Friday, May 22nd. I had to come up with something. As you may know, I've been wanting this job for over 8 months, I was not about to let it go. Thankfully, the final was of Chinese class. After a brief conversation with my professor, she agreed to let me take the test another day. You would think that would be it right? Nope. Life is not that simple. By another day, she meant "tomorrow", almost week earlier than planned. I waged my possibilities, calculated my grades so far and was pleased to see that I only needed a C to keep my A in class. I went for that and got... a C! Yes, mediocre, I know. But in the end I got an A on my final grade. Success!! 

This is pretty geeky, I know.

     Comic Con weekend arrived! Even when I knew some (5 out of 39) of my co-workers beforehand, I still was nervous about how would it all play out the first day. I was glad to see that everyone was incredibly nice and fun to work with. When the boss said "at ComicCon, we are a family", he completely meant it. Not one second I felt out of place. Not only everyone was awesome, but we were a great team (shoutout to Line Team A!). During the event, I got to meet Katrina Law and Jason Momoa. Let's talk about him a little more. He is amazingly handsome. He said, and I quote, "I love your hair". I acted like a total and absolute dork around him. I am so ashamed of myself. Not really. It's not like I will ever see him again. Bottom line, although completely and utterly exhausting, the Puerto Rico Comic Con weekend was one incredible experience that I hope to repeat next year! 

SOLD OUT!

     Funny story from the Comic Con. The week before the event, the staff got some Mad Max Premier tickets. After watching the masterpiece that was the movie, the staff decided that "Witness Me!" our whole staff slogan for this year's event. The thing is, during the event, someone made a cosplay of Immortan Joe. You can only imagine what this meant. Every staff member wanted a picture with him. Everyone stopped him and got all excited to see him. Some ( I ) went to the extreme and asked security to go find him and bring him over. Just imagine the face of that poor kid when he gets called by security to one of the entrances just to find 4 staffers jumping all happy because they found him. I got my picture, of course, and a good laugh out of it. 

Crashboat, Aguadilla PR

     Not the best picture there is of this beach, but you get the idea. I am sure I've told you before, but just in case, this is one of my favorite places in the world. Mainly because of all the great memories that exists thanks to it. So, what better place to say goodbye to the family for the summer than this one? My mom, two brothers, sister-in-law and I spent the whole day in Aguadilla enjoying the sun and some nice family quality time. Well, I spent it away from the water, but it still counts as being at the beach, doesn't it? 

Apple Watch Sport

     Remember last time, in my quick points, how I wrote about wanting the Apple Watch? Guess what?! Yes, I got one. My amazing significant other got it for me as a anniversary present. To be honest, I cried so much when I unwrapped my present. It wasn't the fact that it was the Apple Watch hat made me cry, it was that idea of him thinking about me. How, although he thought it was a complete waste of money, he still was thoughtful and got it for me. ENOUGH WITH THE CHEESE! 

     "Start spreading the news. I am leaving today. I want to be a part of it... New York, New York." First stop of the summer was nonetheless than New York City! I love visiting this city, although I would not like to live in it. It's so big and loud, so full of life. It can make you feel part of something and at the same time, a nothing. And I love all those feelings it gives me. 

     Leaving for the summer made me think about the day I move out of Puerto Rico. One sees it with so much excitement and happiness, but as it becomes something of a reality, sadness also settles. Leaving your hometown is not leaving behind that place you may love or hate, but it is ultimately leaving behind memories, friends, family and what you once considered your life.

Some fast and short dots:

• Can I put photos in here? Nope. They wouldn't look as good. So I will add any other photos I want to share at the end of this post. Click on them to see them bigger!

This was supposed to be posted about two months ago. Stuff happens. But it's better late and incomplete than never, right? 

:)

Plunge

     Sorry guys! Since it is the last week of summer/first week of class, I've been really busy with cleaning the apartment and leaving everything ready for the semester. This post had been already written by Monday, but didn't have the time to publish it. You should also know that next week's post will also come late. Thank you for your patience and for reading!

My diary

April 28, 2006

     Classes are over at last! I am on my vacations. Now to thing what to do. Probably I'll be home al day long. There isn't much I can do about that.

...

     Initially I thought I would only have to wake up early once this week, and sleep off the rest. Sadly, things never go our way even when they do go our way. It's been a long long long week. But at least I am happy to know that I am done running around from office to office... for now. 

     Updates! I got to enroll on the Chinese (Mandarin) language course. Had to change my schedule a bit (a lot actually), but it was totally worth it. Once I had the language class, I went to talk to the Political Science Department Director and got a class that's really important for the completion of the degree. I got asked so many questions about why did I want a degree in Political Sciences instead of any other natural sciences degree. Apparently I did a good job answering because I got the class and the Director said "Valerie, we should sit down and talk later. I want to know about your experience as a Natural Sciences student and other things." 

     There was a time where I didn't care to be recognized by any of my professors. I was pretty much a ghost in all my classes. I've never been someone outgoing in large groups, more like a sit back and observe. However, if there is something I have learned is that observing without commenting takes you nowhere. It's not like I will become a avid participant in class, but I will do my best to contribute to class discussions so that professors can remember my name for future references. 

   Last week at work! I should be more worried than happy. But I've come to see this as an opportunity to grow. I did apply to other libraries and departments in campus, but they will probably be closer to my new faculty and I wont have to deal with ugly vibes anymore. Also, it made me look for internship opportunities in the island and mainland, primarily in non-profit organizations. Apparently there are a broad range of things to do with a BA in Political Sciences.

     My car is fixed! It runs smoothly now and the A/C works perfectly again. So happy to have her back (yes, my car is a girl). I just hope that it doesn't break down in the next 6-7 months. ... aaaaand I wrote this too fast. A/C stopped working again. This time it just doesn't cool. So now I have to go back to the mechanic before Thursday.

     First day of school! For a moment there I thought the summer would never end. It was a nice first day. Had my first Chinese (Mandarin) class. I'll rant about a few things that happen in Mandarin class later. Nothing I didn't learn before in my Au Pair classes, which is nice. Other two classes were just introductions and papers of what we would study and what we needed. The heat was terrible though. Had to take a nap after that. But all around, it was pretty nice.

Quick points:
1. THURSDAAAAAYYYY!!! Can't wait for it.
2. Happy to be able to have lunch at the vegetarians again. Yay for healthy food.
3. The new roommate (L) is here. Excitement!


Hope you have a good semester!



(:

Swig

My diary

June 29, 2006

(Back story: I was in Orlando, FL on vacations with my mom's boyfriend and his daughter. We were staying at a hotel. I met some cool children in the common area while I wrote on my diary. So here is what one of them wrote...)

     Your friend who's very sexy and fine that you met an hour ago and has a nice body and is very very very very funny.

Marquice

...

     I went back and started reading my first posts. I had so many expectations with the whole Au Pair program. It kind of hurts that I didn't get the chance to finish it as I wanted. Maybe I didn't plan it well enough. Still, I am happy to have been able to experience a bit of that program and will cherish the memories.

     After a few days without work, Tuesday started again. These will be the last two weeks I have left at work, so I will be at it every day of the week just to make the most money I can. It's nice because my supervisor is back and I am also working with K. Still, the head boss has been a bit... grouchy lately. Everyone knows so. My supervisor had to apologize in her behalf because she knew that the way I was fired was not the correct one. Sadly, I am just a student assistant so there is not much I can do about it. Just move on and try to find a new job at another library. On a positive note, my supervisor said she would be happy to provide a reference letter if needed, and she did. I am impressed with all the positive things she wrote about me. I can't thank her enough for that. 

     Car's A/C broke again. Well, my car in general. One of these days I will throw the car down a cliff and watch it burn while I smile in a creepy way... Also, I should go get an ID soon, just in case I get asked for one when going out for a drink. It's funny because legal drinking age in Puerto Rico is 18, I am 23 and I still get asked for my ID at places. Good genes right here.

     Wednesday was wine and beer pong day. Somehow Owlady and her boyfriend thought it was a good idea to fill up red cups with beer and wine, wine cups having as much as beer ones. K was my partner and let me tell you, he sucks at beer pong so much. We lost 3 out of 3 games, so you can imagine how wasted we ended up. But we had a lot of fun, all in the safety of our apartment. Now that I know that my table is great for beer pong, I guess I'll be doing more competitions like this during the semester!

     Do you like snakes? I love them. They are so majestic. Ever since I was a little girl I've wanted one as a pet, but my mom is scared of them so I never had it. But now that I live "by my own" there's an opportunity to have one. The thing is, Owlady said the other day "Hey! You guys like snakes? I want to buy one." ... and in that moment I was the happiest person alive. She said she will buy the whole thing about next week. Yay to pet snakes!!

     We had a storm on Saturday. It didn't rain as much as I would have liked, but it was nice to have some not so hot weather. There had been a drought the past few weeks, so a good rain was much needed in the island. What I find stupid is that, even though it rained, it wasn't much and, instead of keeping the rationalization of water in a smaller scale until the reservoir (or dam, not sure which to use) is at healthy levels, they just decided to set it back until there is another drought. Puerto Rico does it better.

     AUGUST IS HERE!!! Campus was full today. Suddenly I remembered why I loved studying so much... The semester starts next Monday and I am not happy with that (contradictory, I know). It means that we have to go back to studying and being a responsible adult. On the bright side, it also means meeting new people, having new adventures and just having something to do instead of being in bed all day.

Time for radom points:
1. Ten more days for Thursday!
2. Can't wait to put on my "I ♥ BJ" shirt (BJ stands for Beijing) for school.
3. I miss some of my college friends. Getting to see them is a plus.
4. Today has been the most productive/unproductive day ever. I felt like flipping tables everywhere.
 5. My last week of summer and I will spend it all at work.



(:

Advent

My diary

August 28, 2008

     My heart once more has been wounded, and greatly. I am unsure about how it happened, I just know it did. Everything was so unexpected that I didn't have time to react. There was a drastic change out of nowhere that I myself can't seem to understand. After so many words, so many promises, everything was taken away by the wind. To think that for the first time in my life I was going to let go of my dream of... just to be close to him. It's how I've said before: "Apparently I love in a non-existent world full of  unreal people". Everything around me is lies and deceits. My heart has been belittled.  Once he swore it would be different and, yes, maybe it was different. He was the only one who fooled me, leaving my heart to die. It's incredible how I already knew this was going to happen, but he was smooth with his words and achieved to wrap me blindly in his ways. I let myself go and drank from that poison dressed as a special potion. Without the need for it I became a beggar for his love, his words, forgetting how important I actually am. Loneliness jointly with lack of love took me to my own demise. My forces subsided and the feeling of slag entered my life, just because I once again opened the doors to a madness that has no cure: LOVE.

...

     Honestly, today is one of those days I really don't want to write. But I have a goal, and I need to stick to it even when I don't want to.

     This last week... Hmmm... It's funny because I actually don't remember much about this last week. I went to work, watched Netflix and today I went to the beach. It's been two weeks since last time I stayed a whole weekend at my mom's place. Probably I am just getting mentally ready to begin the semester and go more than a month without going back home. It's funny because it's not like my mom lives that far away from me. But when you live in an island with weather as the one we have here, a 45 minute car ride seems like hell.

     I love watching good movies, and even though I try to watch as many as possible, there are some classics I haven't watched. Following the advice of a friend who shares the same interest but in a more deep way, I watched three movies this weekend; Hitchcock's Psycho, A Clockwork Orange, and 12 Angry Man. Each one was great in their own way. I enjoyed 12 Angry Man a lot just because of how one rational person can change someone's thought. 

     So there you have a picture of one of my favorite places on Earth. It's a well known beach in Puerto Rico named Crashboat. During weekdays you can go early and get some peace, sun and clear water. It has a bridge where you can jump off and it's a well known spot for amateur divers. There are also some food stands around where you can get "pinchos" and "frituras", and I think I even saw a pizza place. After noon it gets really crowded and noisy so, once again, get there early.  

     After the beach, we decided to stop in the Guajataca Tunnel in Quebradillas since it was on the way back. It's a really beautiful tunnel besides the beach that was originally used for trains to transport sugar canes across the island. I have to be honest, the place is pretty filthy. But it is gorgeous nonetheless. We walked around and had fun with the view. Then it was time to head back home. Such a long exhausting drive, but totally worth it.

Lastly, some quick points:

1. I got a sprouter and the seeds are sprouting. Yes, I get all excited because of that.

2. Mmmmm... Burritos <3

3. Two more weeks of "summer"!!

4. Someone special (aka my boyfriend) will be visiting soon. So excited! 

5. We painted K's room. Yay for summer projects!

I hope you enjoy what's left of your summer!

(:

Swerve

I'll be staying over my mom's place, which means I don't have my diaries. So here an actual conversation I had once...

- "That green ugly evil stupid alien thing!"

- "You should sleepy bomb him and take his weapons and put him in a cage until he tells you something you want him to tell you."

- "I'm on my way to my secret doom lair for Zim. I will fix this."

- "Okie dokie!"

...

     This has been one tough week. I don't want to go all "pity me" on my readers, so I will just write about my thoughts on random things and conversations I've had with people.

     I am not the most experienced when it comes to dating and such. I've only been in one long-term relationshit (no typo there) and I am not good when it comes to actually going out on a date. The phrase that comes to mind when I think about dates is "You are weird..." I've heard that too much in the last year and a half. But one thing I know is that there are some things that you must stay away. For example, if you have hurt someone time after time, and after years that person is still there... that's not normal. You want someone in your life who loves you, but who also loves themselves. More so, if you feel the need to validate their love in front of others by saying "After all I've done to him, he is still there. He must really love me.", then I am almost certain that you are with that person for the right reasons. Even when in love, you can use logic. It may become cloudy, but it's still there. I won't stop saying this; people need to learn how to think, even when the heart is at stake. Maybe that's my problem, I think too much.

     Kind of got a bit excited today. I may be able to take a Intensive Basic Chinese course this semester. It's funny how I started learning Korean by myself because I wanted learn a third language, just to end up learning Chinese. I guess the few hours of class I took when being an Au Pair in Beijing made me change my mind. I would have to change my class schedule a bit, but I think it would be a perfect addition to my plans for the future.

     Talking about Korean... Can you recall that the original plan was to stay a week at the end of my Au Pair program in South Korea? Well, a friend of mine told me that next semester (Jan-May) will start on the 20th of January, which gives me a big window to travel. For a moment there I thought it would be the perfect occasion to visit South Korea, since the flight price goes down around that time. But then I remembered that I wanted to go there with someone special. Maybe it's because I've been wanting to go there for so long, I want to share the experience with someone else. Or maybe there's some kind of romantic inside me. Either way, I don't know what to do. Go alone, or wait and make it as special as I've always imagined?

     I am trying to think about a funny anecdote, but I am dry. I do have a story that made me laugh in some way. While I was cleaning the other day, my roommate's dog ran away. You should know, I am no dog lover. They always want too much attention. I made an effort to go get him (not much of an effort, just walked in front of the house while I yelled "WATSOOOON!!"). A few hours passed and I really thought he was a goner. But apparently everything you don't like does come back to you. He came back by his own. Yay...

     This is all I can write after one week of not leaving my apartment. Yes, I know this post was supposed to come out on Monday, but being lazy adds up and you just want to continue being lazy. I did a few projects here and there. My spinach seeds sprouted (Yaaay) and my place is as clean as it's ever been. But finishing around 4 seasons of random series in less than one week can't be that good for your mental stability, right?

Pd. You should check out my roommate's blog. She writes about her adventures, life and other fun stuff.

(:

Purloin

My dairy

August 14, 2005

My First Kiss

     Yesterday was a spectacular day. I went to the movies with M.A. I never believed that waiting would be so worth it. It was something special, that or those kisses took me to the clouds. I didn't care about anything, I gave it all I had because I love him with all my heart. The first, even though it was just a peck, it was super special. I had cold sweats and I was trembling because of the nervousness, but I was also fascinated. When he actually gave me the "real kiss", I didn't knew how to react, but at least what I did came from the heart. I've never felt this way and I am super happy.

...

This will be a long and not so happy one. But you are welcomed to laugh at my misfortunes. I already did it.

     As far as second chances go, experiences have not been the best. I honestly believe that people can change when they learn the consequences of their doings, but that doesn't mean I will literally give you a second chance to do what you did. As the saying goes... fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Yes, I've seen people change and really take advantage of second chances. Sadly, it's not normal, at least not in my personal experience. In Contrite I talk about apologies. That's because a "friend" apologized to me that week for being pretty much a douche bag. The thing is, I honestly expected for him to go back to friend mode, so when he invited me for drinks with him and a mutual friend I expected nothing more than that. I was so wrong. Just as the night ended and I was saying my goodbyes, he told me "Bye? Why? Aren't we gonna...?" After a small argument, I walked away feeling like shit. I can't understand how some guys think that being nice and friendly after they were total assholes with us means we want them in our beds. Was the apology just that? A way to get to my bed...?

     I love my island. It's a beautiful place to spend some vacations. The beaches, sun, sky, culture and traditions are amazing, like no other place on Earth. As with every other country inn the world, we have criminality. Sadly, our rates are really high. I don't live in the safest area in San Juan, so I've always been really careful to where I park or walk through. This weekend I went back home (my mom's place) and bought some new things for my new place, mainly for my room, so I was excited to head back to my apartment. Being all impatient and stuff like I always am, I decided to go back home a day earlier. I decided to stop first at a friend's house to have a drink and talk for a bit with them, since it was on the way. Had a few extra drinks, so I told K to drive home. It was almost midnight when we got to San Juan, and we were starving, so we stopped at McDonald (it was the only thing opened that late). It took us less than 30 minutes to order, eat and head to the car...

     All I remember was K saying "my laptop..." and getting inside the car, while I asked "what happened to your laptop?", ignoring the fact that I haven't even unlocked the car. Still confused, I walk around to the passengers side just to find glass all over the floor. Someone had broken into my car and had taken K's backpack. I called my mom (yes, I called her instead of calling the police. You will learn my reasons soon enough). While waiting for the police to get there, it hit me. My bag was also in the car. I looked for it and, as I feared, it was missing. My wallet and all personal documents with it. Luckily, my mom has contacts in one of the Police Departments, so agents were there in less than 10 minutes (now you understand). Something that would usually be treated with a simple taking of personal information ended up being a complete investigation. I had the CID taking fingerprints in my car and everything. Even during this misfortunes I could not help but imagining myself in a tv show or movie. Everything took about an hour and a half. Not fun.

     I am not sad or angry about the fact that they took things, but the fact that out of the 3 laptops that were in the car, they had to take K's, not mine. I can't help but to feel guilty. It was my car they broke into, they should've taken my stuff, not his (not like they would know). His new T-Rex shirt was inside that backpack, and he had been wanting that shirt so long just to get it stolen before he could use it. It's pretty unfair, and I hate myself for it. Adding to that, now I have to do eternal paperwork to get my drivers license, student ID, credit cards, insurance card and other important documents inside. I also have to obviously waste money on fixing the car's window. Then I remember the things that had some emotional value inside. A note my boyfriend wrote to me when we were in Chicago, a photo of me and my middle-school friends, another with my high-school friends, currency from places I've visited with special people... and I just get more upset.

 Now to the positive things. I will list them to make the post shorter:

1. My room is going to look so pretty once I am done with it!

2. I am planning a trip to Vieques/Culebra before the month ends. Never been there and that makes me feel like a terrible Puerto Rican.

3. This week I am supposed to receive something my boyfriend sent me. Can't wait for that! ... (10 minutes later) I just got it... incomplete. The package was open and something was missing. What a great week!

4. I plan on start my own home garden with vegetables and stuff. Yay to healthy eating!

5. Mom got me pizza for dinner. Nothing makes a day better than pizza (Well... ice cream is way better. But I won't say no to pizza.)

That's about it for this past week. I hope somehow I put a smile on someone's face.

Q: So tell me, do you remember your first kiss?

:)

Adipose

My diary

July 27, 2007

     Every girl dreams of being a princess and someday find Prince Charming, and so nice to dream. Sadly, we all wake up and realize that reality is not like that, it's nothing close to what we dream of.

     So many times we believe to have found Prince Charming, all to just realise it's just a jester in disguise. At first they make us see everything as beautiful, they treat you like a princess, they please your every desire, all with a smile in their faces. They show a kind, caring, honest, respectful, understanding face. They make themselves look like the perfect guy. Only time lets you see who is really that person who's behind the mask. Everything that once they showed you crumbles to the ground, little by little. It becomes painful living. You ask yourself when did all this started to happen, always trying to look for the one who's to blame, not knowing that indirectly the fault is ours. Why? you may ask. Many would say "It was he's fault because he never showed who he really was". I think the mistake is ours for letting our self  get blinded by love and not see past the mask.

...

     What can I say? This week I have done nothing. At least nothing worth writing long and kind-of-interesting blog about.

     I said I would go to the beach with some friends last Tuesday on my previous post. Well that didn't happen. My job schedule changed and suddenly from 10 hours I was supposed to work, I worked 20 (that you knew). Which means I worked all Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday evening. Don't take this as a me complaining. On the contrary, I was really happy to have those extra hours.

     I did get to do the other two things I wanted. Fixed my car's A/C (FINALLY!!!). Now I can happily go to my favorite beach without dying of dehydration and other heat related stuff in the process. I also went to the Comic book store. Found two issues of the comic book I was looking for (it's not for me). Going to the Comic book store is always a funny experience. Everyone goes silent when I go in. Apparently not many girls go there. On the bright side, I always get a good service. What was really amazing is that one of my elementary school classmates worked there and recognized me. It took me a bit longer to know who he was, but that's normal in me. We talked for a few minutes, just trying to catch up. But I was on a schedule and still had not paid, so I said goodbye and went on with my business.

     Let's talk about the 4th of July. It's a really American Holiday, and Puerto Rico belongs to the USA, so we are expected to celebrate it, right? We do and we don't. We have our own way to celebrate it. It doesn't involve fireworks or the American flag themed everything. Hell, I am sure people here don't even know the history behind the 4th of July. So what do we do? We go to the beach. Every single beach we have gets full to capacity. Everyone will be there with their family, the coolers full of Medalla (Puerto Rican beer), BBQ grill and just whatever food you can think of. Some people camp in the beach for the weekend, others get there as early as 6am just to get a good spot, and will stay there until sunset. Don't get me wrong, it's not that we don't care about the 4th of July, we just don't care about any Holiday at all. We see it as a free day to go to the beach. I just am happy I didn't have to go through all of that.

     I started running again this weekend. Did a 2.2 mile run around the development where my mom lives, 2 days in a row. People usually ask me why I run and try to eat healthy, since I am skinny. There are millions of answers to that question, all that have to do with having a healthy life style. Actually, what not many people know is that I have cholesterol problems. I am almost 100% sure that they are hereditary. Even before I knew I had high cholesterol, I always tried to eat healthy and exercise from time to time. It's kind of ironic how my mom is overweight (based on healthy standards), eats cookies with butter for midnight snacks and has a healthy heart. But let's look at the positive side, I wont ever let myself get overweight because I have no plans to die anytime soon.

Looks like I did have something to go on this week.

Ps. Did you get the post name reference?

:)

Contrite

My diary (translated from Spanish)

August 23, 2006

     What a f***ing sh*t!! I always have to pay for other's sh*t. Mom can not blame me if things are not going as she wants them to. She lashes out on me all the time. First she makes me cry, just to give me what I asked for in the end. It's always the same. Whatever, I have to love her anyways. She is my mom after all.

     Let's begin with the only good things that have happened this week. I started school on Monday and I already get along with everyone. I love the school, and there are some really cute guys. Teacher's are really cool. I never imagined I would be taking a class with one of my old crushes, Sean. He is really fun and treats me nice. The school and those in it are amazing. I would have never imagined I would like it so much!

...

     "Valerie, do you have a minute? I need to talk with you." Words that I've heard twice this week. It doesn't matter who says them, your heart always stops for a second when you hear it. You start going back, blaming yourself for so many things and then ask yourself which of those things are the ones they are blaming you for. Then you hear an apology. You see, I have mixed feelings with apologies. They are necessary for both parties involved. They are not easy, but they help heal and grow. But at the same time it doesn't change what happened or erases the consequences it had. Why wait until you've wronged someone to say sorry? We are humans, and what differences us from other animals is the fact that we can think logically, reason if you must say. Use that head of yours to analyze your future actions, so that way you don't have to atone later.

     This week I went out to drink and dance, better known as "clubbing", with some new friends we made in our last hangout (refer to Boil). They got out of work at 1am, and since in Puerto Rico clubs don't close until 5am or so, my best friend and I decided to take them to our favorite club. My best friend (K from now on) and I don't like to go clubbing that much, but we do have a place we like for when we get the urge. It's a nice, not that fancy, late 20-something place where we know people and have a great time. Before going to the club, we decided to pregame on a small bar near that had cheaper drinks. One of the guys we were with got drunk within the first 2 hours. It was so funny seeing him with his cheeks all pink and eyes half closed (or where they fully closed...? I will never know). He then started saying he wanted to listen to his "jam" which, to our surprise, was Happy by Pharrell. When the song came out he just stood up and started dancing. It was the funniest thing. After that, around 3am, we headed to the club. Our friends have never been there. We were lucky that night; no cover entrance. It was full and the music was not that bad. We danced like no one was watching during what was left of the night. We knew other people there, so the group got bigger and our new friends got to dance with other girls. I got home and the sun was coming up... just to get a drunk call.

     K and I were supposed to go to the beach tomorrow, but apparently that won't be possible. My work got extended through July (yaaay!) and now I have to work tomorrow. But I have Wednesday free, so maybe I'll be able to get my car's A/C fixed and finally go to the Comic book store and get some comics I've been wanting to buy. Since I'm already there, go and visit a few family members I haven't seen since I got back from China. I can see all the questions about my return coming at me. Take a deep breath Valerie...

Other things about this week:

1. K and I went furniture window shopping. We need new things for our new place.

2. We bought some pillows. First thing you do with new pillows? Pillow fight in front of the store. (We are such grown ups)

3. I dreamt I was in Las Vegas. Can I have that now?

4. I love you.  :3

     I forgot to tell you a story about last week. So, all university students out there know what it is to just have $16 in your account, a empty fridge and not knowing when more money will come in. For emergency cases like this, I have a credit card. So my K and I decided to go get some groceries to survive until the next paycheck. We both have the same credit cards, so the plan was to slip the bill and put it on the cards. Because of my cholesterol problems, I can't just go buying whatever cheap thing I find on the stand, I have to go with more healthy things, and sadly healthy equals expensive. We got the basics.. fruits, yogurt, whole wheat pastas, chicken breast, fish and such. Time to pay! Total: $80. Perfect. We take our cards out just to hear "Sorry. We don't accept that credit card." We are talking about a big brand supermarket, how could they not accept it?! So what to do...? We decided to leave out simple snacks and downed the bill to $60. Then proceeded to pay in 3 separate ways. Two cards and dollars. The cashier looked at us in disbelief, to what we replied "Student life. You have to work with what you have."

The struggle people, it is real.

(:

Boil

My Diary (translated from Spanish)
April 28, 2006

     Today can't really be worse. I've been yearning to go to my class' disco party, and no, because of my older brother I won't be able to go. I can't do anything, just think and imagine how would it be like to be there.
     I want to believe this is a nightmare. I can't believe what my mom just did. He let my brother go to the his girlfriend's activity, and didn't even say a word to me. I am sure this is just a bad nightmare and that I will wake up anytime now. Please, wake me up because I can't handle this anymore.

...

As a comment on my dairy: I started reading the first one I ever wrote. I noticed two important things, (1) I wasn't a happy teenager and (2) I talked boys... A LOT. You'll have your chance too see it as I transcribe more of it during my next blogs.

     Yes. It's incredibly hot in Puerto Rico. The weather is killing me. I know I've said "I am a tropical bird. I need heat!", but this is something else. It's like hell has descended upon us. To top it up, my car has no A/C. The day I got back from Beijing, it broke. So even if beach is always and option (and I hate the beach), I still have to drive around 15-20 minutes in the terrible heat to get there, and then drive back home. So it ends up being a worthless effort. September needs to get here a bit... NOPE. I would still choose the heat than going back to class and work. Forget it. Long live the heat!

     As every other person who enjoys drinking, I have my favorite bar where even the bartenders know me. My friends and I usually go there at least once a week to have a beer... or four. Usually Thursday nights are a big deal in the Avenue next to where I live, where the bar is located. Last Thursday one of my friends and I decided to go get one beer. As always, we had more than one beer. Something you should know is that I am a bad dancer. People seem to think that because I come from a Caribbean island I know how to dance. Bad news: I don't. The thing is that night at the bar they had some awesome (by awesome I mean really bad but danceable) music on (G-Dragon, Psy, Beyonce, Drake, Miley, Gaga, Pharrell, salsa and merengue classics) so, after a few beers, my friend and I started dancing. We danced for hours, and noticed there was this cute guy who had been standing in a corner alone all night long. Usually this would be totally creepy and a red flag, but for two drunk people it was just curious. My friend dared me to talk to him, if I did he would buy me a beer and who can say no to that?! (In a friendly matter of course) I went over and it turns out that he was a new student in the university and knew no one so far. So I introduced him to my friend and we had a great time after that. We're close now (this is a saying and not actually a fact). We met some other people that night, but haven't stayed in contact that much.

     Last Monday night was the "Noche de San Juan". A traditional PAGAN (they give a lot of emphasis on this word in the media here) celebration here in Puerto Rico that takes place annually on the night of June 23rd. The idea of this celebration is to go to the beach and throw yourself backwards 12 (everyone says a different number, don't know why) times in the water to clean yourself of bad luck and such. Beaches get really crowded so I decided to just invite some really close friends over to the pool at my mom's. Got some pizza, wine, vodka and sangría; played charades and lost in the most disgraceful way. I like simple gatherings like that. We had an amazing time.

     Apart from those 2 nights, I haven't done much. Just sleep, eat and other Deandra things. Wait... I did start watching House of Cards. Amazing series.

     I almost forgot! I am planning my next trip. I don't have a physical exact bucket list, I usually add things along the way. But there's this one thing I've always wanted to do, and today I found out it's not that expensive or hard to accomplish. It's really simple. I just want to see the Milky Way from Death Valley, CA. Experience what the ancient astronomers could see every night in the sky. Death Valley is just a 2 hour drive from Las Vegas, so I get to get something off my bucket list and have a nice time in a big city too. I am planning to do it on November, since the website of Death Valley says the place is almost empty by that date. Crossing my fingers!

(:

Zilch

"Write it down and smoke it! Just take that sh** and put it into Jerk Island"

"I am actually writing my blog. Writing always makes me feel better."

...

I am trying to get back into posting every Monday. Since I don't have much to do, I think I can do it.

     My friends tell me that reading the blog is like reading my personal diary and, being honest here, who doesn't like to see into someone's personal thoughts? It's really funny because some of them have actually read my teenage years diaries and usually laugh so much. I should start quoting those. It will be fun to share.

     Since I wrote last Friday, I can't say I've done much so far. Father's day was pretty much another normal day with a bit of morning family drama. Soon after noon it was all forgotten which, now that I think about it, is a first. I am impressed.

     Getting back home before I expected has brought minor complications. For someone who doesn't have much to worry about in her life, money can seem like a big problem. I am happy to say I don't have many important big debts, but there are still a few things here and there. Yes, I do have my old work back, but I am just getting really few hours and the library will be closing the whole month of July. Pretty much means I'll be jobless a whole month. Yay (not)! Wish I could get a second temporary job for the summer, but it's too late to get those. So I am guessing I'll be living at my mother's in July to save what little money I have left.

     Lots of things have been going through my mind lately. You see, the more time I spend at my house, the more time I have to think about stuff and the more time my mother has to plant doubt in my head about everything. I know she does this because she cares about me and doesn't want life to surprise me. But I sometimes feel its too much to consider at once. As I told you in the last post, new stage in my life, she doesn't need to overwhelm me with more thoughts and doubts that I already have. I just need to be wise about what I choose to listen and what I choose to just hear.

     On a lighter note, everyone has been making fun of me because I came back with some extra (not much really) pounds in me. But what did I expect when I ate ice cream and cookies every other night in China? I said I would start doing some exercise, but a week has passed and the only exercise I've done is walking to the kitchen. I am pretty sure that if I keep this up, I will die young...

     I miss going to the movies alone. I hope I can get my car back on track tomorrow and just take some time for myself. Clear my head. Plan ahead.

(: