Cogitate

I am guessing there will be two posts this week. This was an old post I wrote the week of November 17th. Now that I think about it, it's been quite long since last time I wrote. Forgive me. I'll talk more about it on the next post. 

...

New post Monday is finally here! Even though I started writing this on time, I am 100% sure that it won't be officially published until Tuesday or Wednesday. Let me apologise in advance. We have no internet in the apartment.

I got invited out by a friend on Friday 14th. Because of school, it had been some time since last I went out. I was all in for it, but half hour before I backed out. The thing is people can't give me the chance to say no. If I can, I will always go for no because it's just shorter than yes. I feel like an old person (and I am just 23!) from time to time. The whole let's go party all night long thing has lost it's appeal to me. Just give me a bottle of wine, close friends or a good movie and I am happy. No need to go out spend time with "kids" that YOLO their life. That's another thing. Since drinking age in PR is 18 and they don't ask for ID all the time, clubs are full of teenagers wanting to be adults. 

Done hating on things. 

Being a unemployed university student is not easy at all. Even with parents providing help here and there, one ends up living on such a tight budget that getting a beer means not having dinner one night. It also means having to live with roommates. Living with a roommate is no easy thing, much less having to live with three. Different people, upbringing, lifestyles, majors and different things in general. You are just bound to have friction in the apartment. Because I am more of a loner, I tend to ignore my roommates, which leads them to think that I have something against them making them uncomfortable. I get not everyone understands how introverts act. All this misunderstanding led to some awkwardness in the apartment. Luckily, I know my roommates real well. I decided to go get a litre of bubbly sangría, sit down and talk with them. It was my peace treaty and I am glad I did. The evenings of weirdness are done and we are back to a peaceful state.

I will add some quick points while I remember more stories:

• I took a test with 85 choose the best answer. At the end of it I had the worst headache ever. But I got an A- on it. Yay..?!
• I feel betrayed. K went to watch Mockingjay without me. That breaks years of tradition. You don't do that to your best friend.
• Made sesame chicken. It was good, not great. Next time I will get it right and invite you over.
• Got some new black jeans. Shopping brings happiness (damn you capitalism!).
• I've been a ball of anger wrapped in rage. It's the stress. 
• I may get my car back this week. Can't wait to have my girl back with me.
• I had a moment with a guy on a bicycle the other day. What do I mean by a moment? He was riding, I was walking, we looked at each other, then looked away just to look back at each other and smile. Good stuff.
• Not having to work gives me time to study and have a good sleep. 
• Can't wait for classes to be done so I can start going out for a run again.
• Gave a oral report. Sucked at it. I don't expect more than a C.
• I've been eating so much oatmeal. Happiness.
• Yes. Nothing makes me happier than food. Even my boyfriend knows that.

What's up with the whole hook-up culture that there is in the island (Puerto Rico). I get it when you are 18 through 21. Maybe even 22 just because of Taylor Swift. But after that it just gets boring and old... unless you are travelling around the world, which probably you are not. I am a huge advocate for the whole owning your body and what you do with it, unless you hurt other people. See, we approach the hook-ups in a wrong way. I know most times you can't be bold and go for it, but you shouldn't make someone like you just so you can have fun and then disappear. If you have the courage to get it on with someone, you should have the same courage to break it off in a healthy way (not through text). 

Deter

Dec. 29, 2011

My diary

February 12, 2007

?

I don't know what to tell you

...

I have so much school work this week, I just shouldn't be writing the blog.

     I feel like it will be a good week. How can it not be when Tuesday started with us watching Ip Man in our Chinese class? I watched this movie a few years ago and really enjoyed it. Add to that the fact that there was a table full of Puerto Rican traditional candy for sale at my Faculty's lobby. The fat person that resides inside me was so happy.

     After a little incident that happened this week I feel the need to make something clear: (if I write about you) don't take things so seriously. Since I was 15 I've always used writing as a way to let out  some steam and organise my thoughts. Originally I started this blog because of my experience as an Au Pair, but now that I am done with that, I just write of random life things and thoughts. It's like a supplementary writing to my actual diary. Raw things are usually written here. So once again, don't take it so seriously.

      Now... this week is Halloween!! Do I have a costume? No. Do I plan to go to a party? I may do something at my place (I will let you come if you bring drinks and chocolates). Do I plan to dress up? I always do. Best part about Halloween is the day-after-candy-sale at stores. My sweet-tooth goes crazy buying chocolates. Mmmm... peanut butter Snickers... *drools*

     Wednesday was an unexpected free and alone day. I had no class (or at least I didn't go to my morning class), so I stayed and took a day off to treat myself to Netflix and other streaming sites. I really love spending time with myself. It gives me an opportunity to both clear my head and think about life. I wish people could see more the beauty in silence, in being alone from time to time. We live such hectic lives nowadays. Slow down, take a deep breath, relax, think a bit, keep going.

     My weekend was not so fun. I think part of what made it that way is that I didn't have my partner in crime with me. K was out having fun in Universal Horror Nights while jobless and busy me was stuck in the apartment studying (such responsable person). Okay, I did study but I also went out. Let's start with Friday...

     I had to drive home to leave my car there. It has been heating up a lot lately and some other car related stuff needed to be done. Had to stop and wait for my mom at the hair salon. I decided to get a haircut since I was there. After, my mom decided to head to the mall and buy some sexy halloween costumes for her so we could go out on Saturday. Later, I was happy to find out that my boyfriend "by mistake" had bought and sent me the book Gone Girl. Finally back to my apartment. The rest of the night was... complicated. Drinks, music, people, kisses, arguments, conversations, messages, calls that never came. It all ended with a feeling of anger burning in my chest. 

     I remember hearing once that when women go out, they should only pay for the first drink. I've seen how many of them just stand there, flirting with guys who look like they could pay for a drink. The thing is that most time it is the guy they don't like who buys the drink. It angers me how they aren't polite enough to hold a five minute conversation with them. Yes, I know that a free drink does not mean you have to talk much less sleep with anyone, but as a good gesture just thank that person and at least ask for their names, even if you forget it the second after they tell you. It takes courage to buy someone a drink, and I consider it a big compliment. I feel that the least I can do is smile, give thanks and have some small talk. It doesn't kill you. It makes you look approachable and polite. "Good" men like women, not spoiled girls.

That's enough words. Now quick points!

• Dressed as Cruella Devile for Saturday's costume party. Taking advantage of my half blonde, half black hair. 
• My mom was a sexy nurse that same night.
• I've never dressed as sexy something. I guess I didn't get that from my mom.
• I have a hand-in test tomorrow that I will probably hand-in Wednesday.
• Marx... Lenin... Dos Santos... I will never finish this.
• I don't have a test on Wednesday. Yay! (I live by rule #32)
• Benedict Cumberbatch as The Sorcerer Supreme made my day.
• Do any of you want to pay me a trip to Seattle? I will be forever  grateful and will pay back with stuff.
• Can this week be over?
• Can this semester be over?
• Can I be New Years Eve already?
• Even if "NO" is the easiest answer, say "YES" please... 

Time to read. Sadness.

(:

Maybe we should project this out into the world...

Kismet

My Diary
July 5, 2011

     It was hard to begin with, but with A LOT of communication everything has been improving. With time you learn the art of patience, the frustration and the continuos effort it takes to live and be happy.

     ... And... I need to go to the bathroom. I know that these few pages leave you with the desire to know more, but it will be until next time. Break a leg!

...

     Fall is here! You see that red leaf? It's actually the first time I see one. I wanted to take it home with me. It seemed like a bad idea at the moment. Now I want to go back and get it. Sadness.

     Two weeks (and a bit more)... You could say right now I am procrastinating, but I would like to see as if by writing this blog I am getting ready to do whatever school work I have to do. Plus, I am waiting for the tea to cool down a bit. 

     These past few weeks have been kind of unlucky for me. Have you heard of the chikungunya? Well I got sick with that just 2 days before something special and important happened. It was a hard decision I had to make that day. I still got to do what I wanted (more like needed) to do. But the process was a bit painful. I couldn't stay out of bed or do anything physical for a prolonged time because of the pain. But in the end, it was worth it.

     What was not worth it was the amount of class I lost. Having to stay inside for a whole week meant not going to school, which meant falling behind in class. I already took 2 tests, and I am pretty sure I have 2 more waiting for me. Add to that the whole alimony thing. When I think I am going to go back to school, no. I have to meet up with my lawyer, go to court, meet up with the lawyer again and repeat. Tomorrow will be my actual complete first day of class and I am honestly just expecting the worse. I get exhausted with half days in school right now, so I am guessing I will be dying by the end of the day.

     Stuff (I like using the word stuff) doesn't end there. Quick piece of information: my lawyer is back at my mom's town, so I usually just stay home each time we have to meet up. The drive from where I live to where she lives is a bit exhausting. The thing is, my brother and mother got the influenza B. In the event of contagion and, because I still got the chikungunya in my system, it would be mortal. So I got kicked out of my mom's house (for my own good). At this rate soon you'll see in the news "FIRST CASE OF EBOLA IN PUERTO RICO: A 23 year old student was found to be...". After so many years of good luck and karma something bad had to happen, right? So in the end I can't complain. 

Now to random stories and points:

• Received a text message this morning from an old "friend". It read "Sup. I wanna see you. Typo, I mean taste." Does that ever work for guys? I am guessing it has to in some way. If not, why do they even use it? I once tried it and got rejected... BADLY. Tried it again today, got rejected again. Third time is the charm? My ego can't take another rejection.
• People still don't believe me when I tell them I am in a relationship, even though I posted a picture of him, tagged him and added a cheesy message to it. Am I not relationship material? Is it that people think I am too selfish or something like that? Why, people? WHY?!
• I am asking myself too many questions lately. It's a phase, just ignore it.
• Can I get a flight out of here? Oh wait... I am still jobless.
• I will be doing some volunteer work in the Urban Culture Fair by the end of the month. I feel like I need more volunteer work in my life. Maybe that will tilt karma back into place.
• My Chinese has improved a lot since classes started. I can ask your name now. *wink wink*
• Wine hangovers are the worst hangovers in life. If you ever get so drunk with wine that you end up hugging the toilet... I just feel bad for you.
• I haven't been to the movies in so long it hurts. I can't wait to get some extra money on the side to waste on the movie theatre. (I should save it up, but sometimes my priorities suck.)
• I really don't want to do any school work.

Tea time is over! I guess it's time to go back to work...

(:

Malaise

Old Facebook post

October 12, 2009

     Nobody can go to the past to make a new beginning, but you can create a better present to live a more rewarding tomorrow.

...

Currently at my mom's house. That's why there is no diary post today.  Sorry guys!

     So here I am sitting down on my mom's dinner table with personal papers all around me. Being the offspring of divorced parents is not easy, specially when they hate each other. So here I am stuck between a mother who has given her all to keep us alive and healthy and my father. One asking to about every single penny I've spent in the last 3 years just because he wants to lower my alimony, another fighting for my right as a daughter who is still a student. It's kind of frustrating to be asked to hand in evidence and you having none. I've never had a full time job, much less have my economic life organised at all. How could you expect that much from a twenty-something university student?

     I am trying to recall something fun about last week, but I just can't. This whole legal mess is taking too much of my time, the one that already university takes away. So apart from what I've already written, I will keep this short. Let's jump to quick points:

• My friend Timmy got me those awesome drawings signed by my favourite web comic creator Yale Stewart. You can read them here. If you are into superheroes, you will love these.
• Miley! Miley Cyrus gave a concert in Puerto Rico. Yes, I know, not something to be proud of. But for some reason she is my guilty pleasure. I wasn't going in the first place, but then the ticket prices went down, so K,G and I decided to go. It was WAY better than we expected. We had so much fun.
• Class class class.
• Friday is almost here!!! :D

That's as much as I can remember. So I hope you all have a nice week. I don't think next week's post will be due on Monday. Probably on Tuesday or Wednesday. 

THANK YOU FOR READING! 

(:

Plunge

     Sorry guys! Since it is the last week of summer/first week of class, I've been really busy with cleaning the apartment and leaving everything ready for the semester. This post had been already written by Monday, but didn't have the time to publish it. You should also know that next week's post will also come late. Thank you for your patience and for reading!

My diary

April 28, 2006

     Classes are over at last! I am on my vacations. Now to thing what to do. Probably I'll be home al day long. There isn't much I can do about that.

...

     Initially I thought I would only have to wake up early once this week, and sleep off the rest. Sadly, things never go our way even when they do go our way. It's been a long long long week. But at least I am happy to know that I am done running around from office to office... for now. 

     Updates! I got to enroll on the Chinese (Mandarin) language course. Had to change my schedule a bit (a lot actually), but it was totally worth it. Once I had the language class, I went to talk to the Political Science Department Director and got a class that's really important for the completion of the degree. I got asked so many questions about why did I want a degree in Political Sciences instead of any other natural sciences degree. Apparently I did a good job answering because I got the class and the Director said "Valerie, we should sit down and talk later. I want to know about your experience as a Natural Sciences student and other things." 

     There was a time where I didn't care to be recognized by any of my professors. I was pretty much a ghost in all my classes. I've never been someone outgoing in large groups, more like a sit back and observe. However, if there is something I have learned is that observing without commenting takes you nowhere. It's not like I will become a avid participant in class, but I will do my best to contribute to class discussions so that professors can remember my name for future references. 

   Last week at work! I should be more worried than happy. But I've come to see this as an opportunity to grow. I did apply to other libraries and departments in campus, but they will probably be closer to my new faculty and I wont have to deal with ugly vibes anymore. Also, it made me look for internship opportunities in the island and mainland, primarily in non-profit organizations. Apparently there are a broad range of things to do with a BA in Political Sciences.

     My car is fixed! It runs smoothly now and the A/C works perfectly again. So happy to have her back (yes, my car is a girl). I just hope that it doesn't break down in the next 6-7 months. ... aaaaand I wrote this too fast. A/C stopped working again. This time it just doesn't cool. So now I have to go back to the mechanic before Thursday.

     First day of school! For a moment there I thought the summer would never end. It was a nice first day. Had my first Chinese (Mandarin) class. I'll rant about a few things that happen in Mandarin class later. Nothing I didn't learn before in my Au Pair classes, which is nice. Other two classes were just introductions and papers of what we would study and what we needed. The heat was terrible though. Had to take a nap after that. But all around, it was pretty nice.

Quick points:
1. THURSDAAAAAYYYY!!! Can't wait for it.
2. Happy to be able to have lunch at the vegetarians again. Yay for healthy food.
3. The new roommate (L) is here. Excitement!


Hope you have a good semester!



(:

Horologe

"In truth, you wont notice the difference so much. When you see us online on Facebook, it makes it feel less far away than it seems. You will only feel the distance in time (zones) and you get used too. We made our polygamous relationship work last semester, one summer is nothing." - G

...

      I am actually in my Geography class writing this. Don't have much time to do the blog out of class. Plus, I have no wifi at my new place. And since I am going away soon, I don't care much about it.

     I'm leaving on Saturday. First stop will be Chicago. I'll be staying 5-ish days there. Neon Trees Concert, Beercades, The Amazing Spiderman on IMAX and Sears Tower (staying away from the sky-deck for sure) will be some of the activities I'll do while I wait for the Chinese Visa to process. I just remembered that I need to cancel my couchsurfing request. I'll just do it later. The host seemed so cool and eager to take me around. Hoping I get to hang out with him sometime while there.

     The fact that I am not heading directly for Beijing has kept me from being dramatic about my leave. Three months seem so long and short at the same time. Those three months are without taking in consideration the pre and post stops. No time seems enough to spend with my family and friends. Wish I could just be done with school and work, head home and be there with my mom. I know me not being there on Mother's Day will make her sad in some ways. But we get to do our yearly Ednita Nazario's concert.

     Five days, seven things to do. And by things I mean schoolwork (finals, essays and such). Yet, I am not as stressed as I should be. I've been doing everything greatly so far. I am sure that as the departure date gets near I will start going crazy stressed about stupid stuff that can be resolved easily. At least I have found a way to calm down when I feel like this.

     No bags done. No visa yet. I need to memorise all the information about the host family in case they interview me in the Chinese Consulate. Haven't bought the host family's presents yet. I kind of have some idea of what I will get them. Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events books for the girls,  Puerto Rican rum for the host father (Don Q or Bacardi) and no idea for the host mom (Comment ideas please!). Women are always the hardest.

Professor is talking about monkeys stealing watermelons in Lajas, PR. This... wow.

Tautness

May 18, 2010

"I was calling you. I was about to leave the house and sleep in the street today. I didn't do it mainly because of N.  Also, I knew people would worry about me. I just... don't know." - She wrote

"Take it easy. You know I have your back. Call me tomorrow when you wake up. I love you. Don't worry, it's just menopause." - Her friend replied

... 

     I've been thinking about how what seems important in life changes with age. I remember wanting to run away from my house a couple times when I was a teenager. Yet, now that I think about it I had the stupidest reasons to do so. Yes, my mom drove me crazy. But who's mother doesn't drive them crazy from time to time? Life was so simple back then. It still is in many ways. Funny how time passes and priorities change. What seemed important a few years ago now seem so trivial. I guess we've all been here, and it will keep being this way until I no longer live.

Oh! Just remembered I need to send copy of my Chinese L visa to the Au Pair company ... DONE!

     Let's talk about the visa now that we are at it. Can someone explain to me why don't we have a Chinese Embassy or Consulate in Puerto Rico? Getting a Chinese visa here is as expensive as buying your own flight to Washington DC and doing it yourself. I am not lying or exaggerating. The problem is that the F visa (Business/Cultural Exchange) sometimes requires a interview. So in the event that they ask for an interview, I would be paying the expensive visa fees from Puerto Rico plus the flight to Washington DC anyways. So I decided to just go to Chicago, take care of the paperwork, since I am already there, see one of my favourite bands play live and just make the most of whatever happens. 

     As my departure day comes closer I get more and more excited. I want to say I am terrified because I am going to be actually living in a foreign country, not knowing but a few simple words of the language we talk about, in the home of someone else taking care of the thing that's more precious to them, their kids; but in reality as days pass the fear decreases. I am pretty independent and I know moving around and finding new friends and such won't be really hard, it will be like starting from the bottom (I can't help but to sing Drake's song in my head while writing this) and I love the idea. I think it partially has to do with the fact that I have bigger things to worry about now. A bigger fear to say so.

     I have so many schoolwork to do. About 5-6 (or more) essays, a physics homework (more like final test) and work. Add the fact that I have to move out my current apartment by Thursday, and that won't be easy since I have a lot of stuff in my room. At least I have some amazing friends who will help me out. So much stress right now. I like to think that at the end, all this work and effort will be totally worth it.

I still need a place to stay in Chicago though... *sighs* Time to go back to work.