Arid

My diary

August 7, 2007

     ...

     That night I had a great time. I danced with him and everything. He started joking around saying that I was his girlfriend and Mara was his lover. I stayed until 4:30am with him and we exchanged phone numbers without raising suspicion on each other. We talked on the phone the rest of the night, until 6:30am.

     The beautiful thing about this is that, without even noticing, we weren't even looking for it, we both fell in love in just 3 days. But not everything is perfect, there are a few problems:

• He studies in Philadelphia
• He leaves late August, early September.
• The biggest of them all: HE IS 22 YEARS OLD!!!!

     He is so nice and what I like the most is that he has the same religious views as me. He was in a band and everything. But, we will see what happens. Apparently he is a good guy. I hope he is the one for me...

...

ANOUNCEMENT: Until the semester is  over, the post will be updated biweekly. 

Sorry guys, finals are almost here and I need the time.

     I just had to write that diary entry. I laughed so much when I read just now. Why? Because I have NO IDEA who I am talking about. Thank heavens we were deeply in love right?! Got a headache trying to remember. So naive (it's not like that has changed much over the years). This our love story  continues for 3 entries more, so I shall write my next posts with them. See if that refreshes my memory. 

     I had to back at calendar to know how far back I had to remember. Luckily I remember things easily... sure. 

     October 31st, 12:40am I received a important call. While I was on the phone, my call was intercepted by your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man! We had a nice conversation about Halloween costumes. He was excited to go out into the world and be called Spider-Man and receive free candy from everyone. Apparently Spider-Man is no different than all of us.

     Remember I said we would probably have a Halloween party at my place? It did happened. Drinks, candy, music, awesome people and Cards Against Humanity. It was epic. That card game can make any 6 person party something fun that goes on the whole night. There's no better way to get to know a group of people than playing Cards Against Humanity. You should try it out on your whatever party. Promise you won't regret it. At the end of that night, Dracula (me) killed it. I was on fire!

Let's do some quick points while I remember anything worth going deeper into!

• We got a new cat in the apartment! He is adorable. Named him Sherlock, since we already have a dog named Watson. Pretty sure Watson is a Hufflepuff and Sherlock is a Ravenclaw. 
• I am hungry.
• So. Much. Schoolwork. Help...!
• Interstellar came out! I've heard such good reviews about it. Can't wait to watch it whenever that may be.
• I've been in a terrible mood lately. Been acting like that old lady that lives with 50 cats at the end of the street and screams at everyone for no apparent reason. Yes, that's me right now.
• Volunteer work? Nope. They never called or called when I was unavailable (I gave them my schedule).
• Dressed as Clark Kent for my classes on Halloween.
• French toasts...
• I should finish school soon. I am the oldest one in almost every class.
• I left my wallet in a classroom one day. Thank zeus a professor found it and took it to the department. For a moment there I thought I had lost what little IDs I had left.
• I exchanged pants with K. His pants fitted perfectly. No one would notice the difference.
• People, don't have fun without the hat! There are lots of terrible STDS out there. Play it safe. It's for your own good.
• I am pretty sure I failed today's test.

     Quick points turned into eternal points. I went through my text messages while I made those. It was easier than trying to remember all that happened.

     It rained so much last week that the temperature went down to 72ºF. I know you may think that's not much but, when you are used to live on a tropical island called Hell (Puerto Rico), 72ºF feels like snow will fall at any moment. I had a long sleeve and a cardigan on most of the day and I would still feel cold. Also, my hair could not deal with all the humidity (it was at 100%). At least I got to wear my rain-boots all over campus and jump in puddles. Fun times.

     I think that's about it for now. I hope I didn't forget anything worth telling. Wait... let me check on Facebook... Yes! I knew I missed something. So I've decided to make a lifestyle change. After some research and thought, I've decided to practice Secular Buddhism. I am obviously new to it, so I can't go too deep into it. To put it into simple words it's just Buddhism for, but not limited to, agnostics and atheists. It takes the religious beliefs out of Buddhism. If you, like me, are looking for something less "to believe but not see" in your life, maybe this will be good for you. I have yet to see how it works for me.

Done.

One last thing, congrats to all the veterans out there (in advance)!





(:

Raillery

     While looking for some official papers in some drawers I rarely open I found a notebook I used to write poems. We (girls) have all gone through the "writing poems" phase. Either it was early in our teens, or later in our 20somethings. I have to say, I was really bad. No rules where followed, in a really bad basic cheesy way the rhymed though. At least I found a way to put my thoughts into words. I guess it all started there. Translation won't rhyme, I know. I just thought it would be fun to share what my thirteen year-old self thought about love...

July 8, 2004

LOVE

Many people say that love is beautiful,

but for me it has been painful.

Knowing you will never love me,

each day I love you more and more.

The more I try to forget you,

my heart and my mind make me remember you.

Each time I see you my heart flutters

and sometimes I even loose my mind.

I think about you all the time,

even when I am sleeping.

All this pain

for just a love

that has broken my heart.

     Wow. That was a really cheesy way to begin this post. I don't think I remember why I wrote this, but memories from this time come to mind. I must have been on 10th grade. It comes to mind Sean and his blue eyes, those I used to die for so much in middle school. I remember he used to be under the tree every recess wearing all black. He was the reason I started listening to rock and wearing black eye-liner in the first place. I wanted to be seen as cool in his eyes. His smile, even when it wasn't meant for me, could melt me on the inside and make my days better. I would go to sleep every night thinking about how one day he would notice me. My first big crush. I don't remember how long this went on. Maybe two years? See, that's the good thing about keeping diaries. It helps keep memories fresh and intact. If only I would have written a diary back then, the story wouldn't be incomplete...

...

Let's light up the mood!

     Got it? No? Not funny. It kind of was in my head. I would like to think it actually was and you all laughed with me. Please, don't shatter my dreams.

     I have no idea where to start. When I don't write weekly, the time line in my head starts being less of a line and more of a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff. Can I be lazy and put things in a list again? Lists are real easy to make. Maybe while doing it I can remember things that are worth telling details about!

1. Two Friday's ago I went clubbing with K and L (my other roommate). We had a really good time. Missed my Chinese friends at the club. They are always there. It's funny because they can't pronounce my name correctly, so they call me "Walaly" and I've grown fond to it.
2. Found something to tell you details about! You will find those stories after the list you are just reading.
3. The Saturday after clubbing I had my stepsister's birthday. It was a typical teenager party with DJ, balloons, candies and cake. Her dad got me beer and wine since I would be the only 20something there. I had a good time with beer, wine and Drake.
4. Job interview! I've learned that the job you want the less is the job you will get in the end. Life can be cruel like that.
5. Got some good grades on my Mandarin language class. Whoop whoop! :D
6. Flights are booked!! Less than 3 weeks to go.
7. Yeah... I need some adventures soon. I miss being on an airplane and things.

     You know when someone rejects you for whatever reason and you just wish you could randomly meet with them one of those days you are looking flawless? Yeah. That happened to me. It may be (probably is) really immature, but it feels empowering. Even if you know deep down inside they could not care less how you look, the fact that you feel beautiful and he got to see you on your best moments has something that makes you feel so good. I am girly like that sometimes. ... And then he goes and remembers a small detail of something you don't like, does it while telling you "I still remember you don't like this" and all the happiness turns into just wanting to kill him for that. But I will just think about that moment when I did what I wanted to do and I was flawless at it. 

     I don't know if it is because it's late or my life has become pretty boring and someone of a routine since the semester started, but I am out of things to write about. I should try and get out of my room a bit more. Do some yoga or something. It just gets a bit hard when you have so much schoolwork plus other personal things to work with. I also enjoy my alone space and silence (...will fall? I need to stop with the Doctor Who references, I know). It's really loud in the outside world and sometimes we just need to stop, take a deep breath and listen to the silence.

(:  

Swerve

I'll be staying over my mom's place, which means I don't have my diaries. So here an actual conversation I had once...

- "That green ugly evil stupid alien thing!"

- "You should sleepy bomb him and take his weapons and put him in a cage until he tells you something you want him to tell you."

- "I'm on my way to my secret doom lair for Zim. I will fix this."

- "Okie dokie!"

...

     This has been one tough week. I don't want to go all "pity me" on my readers, so I will just write about my thoughts on random things and conversations I've had with people.

     I am not the most experienced when it comes to dating and such. I've only been in one long-term relationshit (no typo there) and I am not good when it comes to actually going out on a date. The phrase that comes to mind when I think about dates is "You are weird..." I've heard that too much in the last year and a half. But one thing I know is that there are some things that you must stay away. For example, if you have hurt someone time after time, and after years that person is still there... that's not normal. You want someone in your life who loves you, but who also loves themselves. More so, if you feel the need to validate their love in front of others by saying "After all I've done to him, he is still there. He must really love me.", then I am almost certain that you are with that person for the right reasons. Even when in love, you can use logic. It may become cloudy, but it's still there. I won't stop saying this; people need to learn how to think, even when the heart is at stake. Maybe that's my problem, I think too much.

     Kind of got a bit excited today. I may be able to take a Intensive Basic Chinese course this semester. It's funny how I started learning Korean by myself because I wanted learn a third language, just to end up learning Chinese. I guess the few hours of class I took when being an Au Pair in Beijing made me change my mind. I would have to change my class schedule a bit, but I think it would be a perfect addition to my plans for the future.

     Talking about Korean... Can you recall that the original plan was to stay a week at the end of my Au Pair program in South Korea? Well, a friend of mine told me that next semester (Jan-May) will start on the 20th of January, which gives me a big window to travel. For a moment there I thought it would be the perfect occasion to visit South Korea, since the flight price goes down around that time. But then I remembered that I wanted to go there with someone special. Maybe it's because I've been wanting to go there for so long, I want to share the experience with someone else. Or maybe there's some kind of romantic inside me. Either way, I don't know what to do. Go alone, or wait and make it as special as I've always imagined?

     I am trying to think about a funny anecdote, but I am dry. I do have a story that made me laugh in some way. While I was cleaning the other day, my roommate's dog ran away. You should know, I am no dog lover. They always want too much attention. I made an effort to go get him (not much of an effort, just walked in front of the house while I yelled "WATSOOOON!!"). A few hours passed and I really thought he was a goner. But apparently everything you don't like does come back to you. He came back by his own. Yay...

     This is all I can write after one week of not leaving my apartment. Yes, I know this post was supposed to come out on Monday, but being lazy adds up and you just want to continue being lazy. I did a few projects here and there. My spinach seeds sprouted (Yaaay) and my place is as clean as it's ever been. But finishing around 4 seasons of random series in less than one week can't be that good for your mental stability, right?

Pd. You should check out my roommate's blog. She writes about her adventures, life and other fun stuff.

(:

Purloin

My dairy

August 14, 2005

My First Kiss

     Yesterday was a spectacular day. I went to the movies with M.A. I never believed that waiting would be so worth it. It was something special, that or those kisses took me to the clouds. I didn't care about anything, I gave it all I had because I love him with all my heart. The first, even though it was just a peck, it was super special. I had cold sweats and I was trembling because of the nervousness, but I was also fascinated. When he actually gave me the "real kiss", I didn't knew how to react, but at least what I did came from the heart. I've never felt this way and I am super happy.

...

This will be a long and not so happy one. But you are welcomed to laugh at my misfortunes. I already did it.

     As far as second chances go, experiences have not been the best. I honestly believe that people can change when they learn the consequences of their doings, but that doesn't mean I will literally give you a second chance to do what you did. As the saying goes... fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Yes, I've seen people change and really take advantage of second chances. Sadly, it's not normal, at least not in my personal experience. In Contrite I talk about apologies. That's because a "friend" apologized to me that week for being pretty much a douche bag. The thing is, I honestly expected for him to go back to friend mode, so when he invited me for drinks with him and a mutual friend I expected nothing more than that. I was so wrong. Just as the night ended and I was saying my goodbyes, he told me "Bye? Why? Aren't we gonna...?" After a small argument, I walked away feeling like shit. I can't understand how some guys think that being nice and friendly after they were total assholes with us means we want them in our beds. Was the apology just that? A way to get to my bed...?

     I love my island. It's a beautiful place to spend some vacations. The beaches, sun, sky, culture and traditions are amazing, like no other place on Earth. As with every other country inn the world, we have criminality. Sadly, our rates are really high. I don't live in the safest area in San Juan, so I've always been really careful to where I park or walk through. This weekend I went back home (my mom's place) and bought some new things for my new place, mainly for my room, so I was excited to head back to my apartment. Being all impatient and stuff like I always am, I decided to go back home a day earlier. I decided to stop first at a friend's house to have a drink and talk for a bit with them, since it was on the way. Had a few extra drinks, so I told K to drive home. It was almost midnight when we got to San Juan, and we were starving, so we stopped at McDonald (it was the only thing opened that late). It took us less than 30 minutes to order, eat and head to the car...

     All I remember was K saying "my laptop..." and getting inside the car, while I asked "what happened to your laptop?", ignoring the fact that I haven't even unlocked the car. Still confused, I walk around to the passengers side just to find glass all over the floor. Someone had broken into my car and had taken K's backpack. I called my mom (yes, I called her instead of calling the police. You will learn my reasons soon enough). While waiting for the police to get there, it hit me. My bag was also in the car. I looked for it and, as I feared, it was missing. My wallet and all personal documents with it. Luckily, my mom has contacts in one of the Police Departments, so agents were there in less than 10 minutes (now you understand). Something that would usually be treated with a simple taking of personal information ended up being a complete investigation. I had the CID taking fingerprints in my car and everything. Even during this misfortunes I could not help but imagining myself in a tv show or movie. Everything took about an hour and a half. Not fun.

     I am not sad or angry about the fact that they took things, but the fact that out of the 3 laptops that were in the car, they had to take K's, not mine. I can't help but to feel guilty. It was my car they broke into, they should've taken my stuff, not his (not like they would know). His new T-Rex shirt was inside that backpack, and he had been wanting that shirt so long just to get it stolen before he could use it. It's pretty unfair, and I hate myself for it. Adding to that, now I have to do eternal paperwork to get my drivers license, student ID, credit cards, insurance card and other important documents inside. I also have to obviously waste money on fixing the car's window. Then I remember the things that had some emotional value inside. A note my boyfriend wrote to me when we were in Chicago, a photo of me and my middle-school friends, another with my high-school friends, currency from places I've visited with special people... and I just get more upset.

 Now to the positive things. I will list them to make the post shorter:

1. My room is going to look so pretty once I am done with it!

2. I am planning a trip to Vieques/Culebra before the month ends. Never been there and that makes me feel like a terrible Puerto Rican.

3. This week I am supposed to receive something my boyfriend sent me. Can't wait for that! ... (10 minutes later) I just got it... incomplete. The package was open and something was missing. What a great week!

4. I plan on start my own home garden with vegetables and stuff. Yay to healthy eating!

5. Mom got me pizza for dinner. Nothing makes a day better than pizza (Well... ice cream is way better. But I won't say no to pizza.)

That's about it for this past week. I hope somehow I put a smile on someone's face.

Q: So tell me, do you remember your first kiss?

:)

Adipose

My diary

July 27, 2007

     Every girl dreams of being a princess and someday find Prince Charming, and so nice to dream. Sadly, we all wake up and realize that reality is not like that, it's nothing close to what we dream of.

     So many times we believe to have found Prince Charming, all to just realise it's just a jester in disguise. At first they make us see everything as beautiful, they treat you like a princess, they please your every desire, all with a smile in their faces. They show a kind, caring, honest, respectful, understanding face. They make themselves look like the perfect guy. Only time lets you see who is really that person who's behind the mask. Everything that once they showed you crumbles to the ground, little by little. It becomes painful living. You ask yourself when did all this started to happen, always trying to look for the one who's to blame, not knowing that indirectly the fault is ours. Why? you may ask. Many would say "It was he's fault because he never showed who he really was". I think the mistake is ours for letting our self  get blinded by love and not see past the mask.

...

     What can I say? This week I have done nothing. At least nothing worth writing long and kind-of-interesting blog about.

     I said I would go to the beach with some friends last Tuesday on my previous post. Well that didn't happen. My job schedule changed and suddenly from 10 hours I was supposed to work, I worked 20 (that you knew). Which means I worked all Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday evening. Don't take this as a me complaining. On the contrary, I was really happy to have those extra hours.

     I did get to do the other two things I wanted. Fixed my car's A/C (FINALLY!!!). Now I can happily go to my favorite beach without dying of dehydration and other heat related stuff in the process. I also went to the Comic book store. Found two issues of the comic book I was looking for (it's not for me). Going to the Comic book store is always a funny experience. Everyone goes silent when I go in. Apparently not many girls go there. On the bright side, I always get a good service. What was really amazing is that one of my elementary school classmates worked there and recognized me. It took me a bit longer to know who he was, but that's normal in me. We talked for a few minutes, just trying to catch up. But I was on a schedule and still had not paid, so I said goodbye and went on with my business.

     Let's talk about the 4th of July. It's a really American Holiday, and Puerto Rico belongs to the USA, so we are expected to celebrate it, right? We do and we don't. We have our own way to celebrate it. It doesn't involve fireworks or the American flag themed everything. Hell, I am sure people here don't even know the history behind the 4th of July. So what do we do? We go to the beach. Every single beach we have gets full to capacity. Everyone will be there with their family, the coolers full of Medalla (Puerto Rican beer), BBQ grill and just whatever food you can think of. Some people camp in the beach for the weekend, others get there as early as 6am just to get a good spot, and will stay there until sunset. Don't get me wrong, it's not that we don't care about the 4th of July, we just don't care about any Holiday at all. We see it as a free day to go to the beach. I just am happy I didn't have to go through all of that.

     I started running again this weekend. Did a 2.2 mile run around the development where my mom lives, 2 days in a row. People usually ask me why I run and try to eat healthy, since I am skinny. There are millions of answers to that question, all that have to do with having a healthy life style. Actually, what not many people know is that I have cholesterol problems. I am almost 100% sure that they are hereditary. Even before I knew I had high cholesterol, I always tried to eat healthy and exercise from time to time. It's kind of ironic how my mom is overweight (based on healthy standards), eats cookies with butter for midnight snacks and has a healthy heart. But let's look at the positive side, I wont ever let myself get overweight because I have no plans to die anytime soon.

Looks like I did have something to go on this week.

Ps. Did you get the post name reference?

:)

Boil

My Diary (translated from Spanish)
April 28, 2006

     Today can't really be worse. I've been yearning to go to my class' disco party, and no, because of my older brother I won't be able to go. I can't do anything, just think and imagine how would it be like to be there.
     I want to believe this is a nightmare. I can't believe what my mom just did. He let my brother go to the his girlfriend's activity, and didn't even say a word to me. I am sure this is just a bad nightmare and that I will wake up anytime now. Please, wake me up because I can't handle this anymore.

...

As a comment on my dairy: I started reading the first one I ever wrote. I noticed two important things, (1) I wasn't a happy teenager and (2) I talked boys... A LOT. You'll have your chance too see it as I transcribe more of it during my next blogs.

     Yes. It's incredibly hot in Puerto Rico. The weather is killing me. I know I've said "I am a tropical bird. I need heat!", but this is something else. It's like hell has descended upon us. To top it up, my car has no A/C. The day I got back from Beijing, it broke. So even if beach is always and option (and I hate the beach), I still have to drive around 15-20 minutes in the terrible heat to get there, and then drive back home. So it ends up being a worthless effort. September needs to get here a bit... NOPE. I would still choose the heat than going back to class and work. Forget it. Long live the heat!

     As every other person who enjoys drinking, I have my favorite bar where even the bartenders know me. My friends and I usually go there at least once a week to have a beer... or four. Usually Thursday nights are a big deal in the Avenue next to where I live, where the bar is located. Last Thursday one of my friends and I decided to go get one beer. As always, we had more than one beer. Something you should know is that I am a bad dancer. People seem to think that because I come from a Caribbean island I know how to dance. Bad news: I don't. The thing is that night at the bar they had some awesome (by awesome I mean really bad but danceable) music on (G-Dragon, Psy, Beyonce, Drake, Miley, Gaga, Pharrell, salsa and merengue classics) so, after a few beers, my friend and I started dancing. We danced for hours, and noticed there was this cute guy who had been standing in a corner alone all night long. Usually this would be totally creepy and a red flag, but for two drunk people it was just curious. My friend dared me to talk to him, if I did he would buy me a beer and who can say no to that?! (In a friendly matter of course) I went over and it turns out that he was a new student in the university and knew no one so far. So I introduced him to my friend and we had a great time after that. We're close now (this is a saying and not actually a fact). We met some other people that night, but haven't stayed in contact that much.

     Last Monday night was the "Noche de San Juan". A traditional PAGAN (they give a lot of emphasis on this word in the media here) celebration here in Puerto Rico that takes place annually on the night of June 23rd. The idea of this celebration is to go to the beach and throw yourself backwards 12 (everyone says a different number, don't know why) times in the water to clean yourself of bad luck and such. Beaches get really crowded so I decided to just invite some really close friends over to the pool at my mom's. Got some pizza, wine, vodka and sangría; played charades and lost in the most disgraceful way. I like simple gatherings like that. We had an amazing time.

     Apart from those 2 nights, I haven't done much. Just sleep, eat and other Deandra things. Wait... I did start watching House of Cards. Amazing series.

     I almost forgot! I am planning my next trip. I don't have a physical exact bucket list, I usually add things along the way. But there's this one thing I've always wanted to do, and today I found out it's not that expensive or hard to accomplish. It's really simple. I just want to see the Milky Way from Death Valley, CA. Experience what the ancient astronomers could see every night in the sky. Death Valley is just a 2 hour drive from Las Vegas, so I get to get something off my bucket list and have a nice time in a big city too. I am planning to do it on November, since the website of Death Valley says the place is almost empty by that date. Crossing my fingers!

(: