Deter

Dec. 29, 2011

My diary

February 12, 2007

?

I don't know what to tell you

...

I have so much school work this week, I just shouldn't be writing the blog.

     I feel like it will be a good week. How can it not be when Tuesday started with us watching Ip Man in our Chinese class? I watched this movie a few years ago and really enjoyed it. Add to that the fact that there was a table full of Puerto Rican traditional candy for sale at my Faculty's lobby. The fat person that resides inside me was so happy.

     After a little incident that happened this week I feel the need to make something clear: (if I write about you) don't take things so seriously. Since I was 15 I've always used writing as a way to let out  some steam and organise my thoughts. Originally I started this blog because of my experience as an Au Pair, but now that I am done with that, I just write of random life things and thoughts. It's like a supplementary writing to my actual diary. Raw things are usually written here. So once again, don't take it so seriously.

      Now... this week is Halloween!! Do I have a costume? No. Do I plan to go to a party? I may do something at my place (I will let you come if you bring drinks and chocolates). Do I plan to dress up? I always do. Best part about Halloween is the day-after-candy-sale at stores. My sweet-tooth goes crazy buying chocolates. Mmmm... peanut butter Snickers... *drools*

     Wednesday was an unexpected free and alone day. I had no class (or at least I didn't go to my morning class), so I stayed and took a day off to treat myself to Netflix and other streaming sites. I really love spending time with myself. It gives me an opportunity to both clear my head and think about life. I wish people could see more the beauty in silence, in being alone from time to time. We live such hectic lives nowadays. Slow down, take a deep breath, relax, think a bit, keep going.

     My weekend was not so fun. I think part of what made it that way is that I didn't have my partner in crime with me. K was out having fun in Universal Horror Nights while jobless and busy me was stuck in the apartment studying (such responsable person). Okay, I did study but I also went out. Let's start with Friday...

     I had to drive home to leave my car there. It has been heating up a lot lately and some other car related stuff needed to be done. Had to stop and wait for my mom at the hair salon. I decided to get a haircut since I was there. After, my mom decided to head to the mall and buy some sexy halloween costumes for her so we could go out on Saturday. Later, I was happy to find out that my boyfriend "by mistake" had bought and sent me the book Gone Girl. Finally back to my apartment. The rest of the night was... complicated. Drinks, music, people, kisses, arguments, conversations, messages, calls that never came. It all ended with a feeling of anger burning in my chest. 

     I remember hearing once that when women go out, they should only pay for the first drink. I've seen how many of them just stand there, flirting with guys who look like they could pay for a drink. The thing is that most time it is the guy they don't like who buys the drink. It angers me how they aren't polite enough to hold a five minute conversation with them. Yes, I know that a free drink does not mean you have to talk much less sleep with anyone, but as a good gesture just thank that person and at least ask for their names, even if you forget it the second after they tell you. It takes courage to buy someone a drink, and I consider it a big compliment. I feel that the least I can do is smile, give thanks and have some small talk. It doesn't kill you. It makes you look approachable and polite. "Good" men like women, not spoiled girls.

That's enough words. Now quick points!

• Dressed as Cruella Devile for Saturday's costume party. Taking advantage of my half blonde, half black hair. 
• My mom was a sexy nurse that same night.
• I've never dressed as sexy something. I guess I didn't get that from my mom.
• I have a hand-in test tomorrow that I will probably hand-in Wednesday.
• Marx... Lenin... Dos Santos... I will never finish this.
• I don't have a test on Wednesday. Yay! (I live by rule #32)
• Benedict Cumberbatch as The Sorcerer Supreme made my day.
• Do any of you want to pay me a trip to Seattle? I will be forever  grateful and will pay back with stuff.
• Can this week be over?
• Can this semester be over?
• Can I be New Years Eve already?
• Even if "NO" is the easiest answer, say "YES" please... 

Time to read. Sadness.

(:

Maybe we should project this out into the world...

Ken

My diary

October 8, 2006

     ... Love goes well but badly. Badly because I can't find a way to end things up with KV. All because he tried to experiment with me, in other words, throughout a month he treated me really badly, like he didn't love me anymore. Since then I was greatly disappointed and things are not the same from my part, and now he's back to being all lovely with me. Among the things that bother me is the fact that while I treated him well, he didn't even care about calling me, and now that I don't care, he calls me every night without a miss and he leaves messages saying: "My love call me as soon as you can. I am concerned because I haven't heard about you in a long time and I worry if you are alright. Take care, be good and I love you". Hearing me kills me inside a bit because I don't want to hurt him. I want things between us to end up in a good note.

...

Today is my boyfriend's birthday, woot woot!!  ^-^

     I would love to tell you guys that I've been up to fun things, but sadly that's not the case. I have a "no studying on weekends" policy in my life that I had to break this weekend. I did have some fun on Friday (I'll tell you about it later in the post), but Saturday and Sunday was wasted on my books completely. I am kind of impressed with myself this semester. I don't know if this has been the best one to date, but at least I've been giving it some extra effort. Maybe it's because I want to finish my degree soon, maybe I have matured... nope. It's the wanting to finish. Definitive. 

     Last week... what about last week? This is why I try and write daily on the posts. If not, Monday comes again and my short term memory doesn't let me remember anytime before Friday. Maybe if I start backwards I can remember. So let's do today first. I learned how to say/write "I love you" in Mandarin! It's "我爱你" (wǒ ài nǐ). Let's break it down:

• 我 (wǒ) = me
• 爱 (ài) = to have affection (verb); love (noun)
• 你 (nǐ) = you

So there you go. The more you know!

     Because of homework, quiz and tests stuff I had to run around campus looking for internet (wifi is really bad in campus) so that I could finish all the work I've been doing for a few days now. At least one professor decided to skip class today, so that gave me some extra time. I am lucky enough to have some good friends. This person (we will name MR) that I used to like recently became really good friends with me. We've doing some nice activities together, and today MR even bought me some pizza! I had to walk all the way to Law School (damn them law school students!) to get it, but it was totally worth it. 

     Now the weekend. Sunday was library (Law School again...). I don't plan on studying law, I just needed to get some books for a research I am doing and that was the only place in campus where I could find them. I do like the silence there is in that library. Moving on to Saturday. I spent the whole day at my place doing Chinese homework. "It's Friday, Friday! Gotta get down on Friday!" No? Okay. Sorry. Since I knew I would have to study the weekend, I decided to take Friday evening free. Original plan was to take myself on a date. Dinner and movies, you know, the usual. It ended up being a date with my other half, my best friend K, and I wouldn't had it any other way. While in dinner, MR called saying "I won two tickets to Teatro Breve's "Noche de Jevas 2". I can't go, so I will give them to you and you can take K. You can thank me by coming over to my bar after the stand-up comedy is over. Drinks are on me". So you can all guess how the rest of the night went. Theatre, bar, free drink and a random visit to a club. Sounds like a long night, but I was home by 3am (I usually go until 5am). It was fun.

     See! I am starting to remember events from the days before. My mind works in mysterious ways...  Thursday was debate day. I was a panellist on a debate from my International Political Economy class. It was really fun and it was totally horrifying. Once again, I am not good talking in front of large crowds. I just made one (amazing and smart) question and I was trembling more than that thing that vibrates that's in my desk. Yes, I put my phone on vibrate when I am in my desk.

Do I have any quick points? Hmmm...

• I need to stop eating so much pizza. I've been gaining some really unwanted weight.
• I love pizza too much to stop eating it. I should just work out.
• Nope. I am too lazy to work out. 
• I don't think there is a possible solution to this that involves not getting fat, not working out and keep eating pizza whenever I want.
• K got me some ice cream... I don't remember when. But he knows me so well. 我爱他. (他 stands for "him")
• Can I get a tattoo for Christmas?
• I want to read Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. It's been a while since last time I read a book and it hurts.
• October is here, which means Oktoberfest + Halloween. Perfection, I know.

I need a cool sounding closing line...

(:

Kismet

My Diary
July 5, 2011

     It was hard to begin with, but with A LOT of communication everything has been improving. With time you learn the art of patience, the frustration and the continuos effort it takes to live and be happy.

     ... And... I need to go to the bathroom. I know that these few pages leave you with the desire to know more, but it will be until next time. Break a leg!

...

     Fall is here! You see that red leaf? It's actually the first time I see one. I wanted to take it home with me. It seemed like a bad idea at the moment. Now I want to go back and get it. Sadness.

     Two weeks (and a bit more)... You could say right now I am procrastinating, but I would like to see as if by writing this blog I am getting ready to do whatever school work I have to do. Plus, I am waiting for the tea to cool down a bit. 

     These past few weeks have been kind of unlucky for me. Have you heard of the chikungunya? Well I got sick with that just 2 days before something special and important happened. It was a hard decision I had to make that day. I still got to do what I wanted (more like needed) to do. But the process was a bit painful. I couldn't stay out of bed or do anything physical for a prolonged time because of the pain. But in the end, it was worth it.

     What was not worth it was the amount of class I lost. Having to stay inside for a whole week meant not going to school, which meant falling behind in class. I already took 2 tests, and I am pretty sure I have 2 more waiting for me. Add to that the whole alimony thing. When I think I am going to go back to school, no. I have to meet up with my lawyer, go to court, meet up with the lawyer again and repeat. Tomorrow will be my actual complete first day of class and I am honestly just expecting the worse. I get exhausted with half days in school right now, so I am guessing I will be dying by the end of the day.

     Stuff (I like using the word stuff) doesn't end there. Quick piece of information: my lawyer is back at my mom's town, so I usually just stay home each time we have to meet up. The drive from where I live to where she lives is a bit exhausting. The thing is, my brother and mother got the influenza B. In the event of contagion and, because I still got the chikungunya in my system, it would be mortal. So I got kicked out of my mom's house (for my own good). At this rate soon you'll see in the news "FIRST CASE OF EBOLA IN PUERTO RICO: A 23 year old student was found to be...". After so many years of good luck and karma something bad had to happen, right? So in the end I can't complain. 

Now to random stories and points:

• Received a text message this morning from an old "friend". It read "Sup. I wanna see you. Typo, I mean taste." Does that ever work for guys? I am guessing it has to in some way. If not, why do they even use it? I once tried it and got rejected... BADLY. Tried it again today, got rejected again. Third time is the charm? My ego can't take another rejection.
• People still don't believe me when I tell them I am in a relationship, even though I posted a picture of him, tagged him and added a cheesy message to it. Am I not relationship material? Is it that people think I am too selfish or something like that? Why, people? WHY?!
• I am asking myself too many questions lately. It's a phase, just ignore it.
• Can I get a flight out of here? Oh wait... I am still jobless.
• I will be doing some volunteer work in the Urban Culture Fair by the end of the month. I feel like I need more volunteer work in my life. Maybe that will tilt karma back into place.
• My Chinese has improved a lot since classes started. I can ask your name now. *wink wink*
• Wine hangovers are the worst hangovers in life. If you ever get so drunk with wine that you end up hugging the toilet... I just feel bad for you.
• I haven't been to the movies in so long it hurts. I can't wait to get some extra money on the side to waste on the movie theatre. (I should save it up, but sometimes my priorities suck.)
• I really don't want to do any school work.

Tea time is over! I guess it's time to go back to work...

(:

Plunge

     Sorry guys! Since it is the last week of summer/first week of class, I've been really busy with cleaning the apartment and leaving everything ready for the semester. This post had been already written by Monday, but didn't have the time to publish it. You should also know that next week's post will also come late. Thank you for your patience and for reading!

My diary

April 28, 2006

     Classes are over at last! I am on my vacations. Now to thing what to do. Probably I'll be home al day long. There isn't much I can do about that.

...

     Initially I thought I would only have to wake up early once this week, and sleep off the rest. Sadly, things never go our way even when they do go our way. It's been a long long long week. But at least I am happy to know that I am done running around from office to office... for now. 

     Updates! I got to enroll on the Chinese (Mandarin) language course. Had to change my schedule a bit (a lot actually), but it was totally worth it. Once I had the language class, I went to talk to the Political Science Department Director and got a class that's really important for the completion of the degree. I got asked so many questions about why did I want a degree in Political Sciences instead of any other natural sciences degree. Apparently I did a good job answering because I got the class and the Director said "Valerie, we should sit down and talk later. I want to know about your experience as a Natural Sciences student and other things." 

     There was a time where I didn't care to be recognized by any of my professors. I was pretty much a ghost in all my classes. I've never been someone outgoing in large groups, more like a sit back and observe. However, if there is something I have learned is that observing without commenting takes you nowhere. It's not like I will become a avid participant in class, but I will do my best to contribute to class discussions so that professors can remember my name for future references. 

   Last week at work! I should be more worried than happy. But I've come to see this as an opportunity to grow. I did apply to other libraries and departments in campus, but they will probably be closer to my new faculty and I wont have to deal with ugly vibes anymore. Also, it made me look for internship opportunities in the island and mainland, primarily in non-profit organizations. Apparently there are a broad range of things to do with a BA in Political Sciences.

     My car is fixed! It runs smoothly now and the A/C works perfectly again. So happy to have her back (yes, my car is a girl). I just hope that it doesn't break down in the next 6-7 months. ... aaaaand I wrote this too fast. A/C stopped working again. This time it just doesn't cool. So now I have to go back to the mechanic before Thursday.

     First day of school! For a moment there I thought the summer would never end. It was a nice first day. Had my first Chinese (Mandarin) class. I'll rant about a few things that happen in Mandarin class later. Nothing I didn't learn before in my Au Pair classes, which is nice. Other two classes were just introductions and papers of what we would study and what we needed. The heat was terrible though. Had to take a nap after that. But all around, it was pretty nice.

Quick points:
1. THURSDAAAAAYYYY!!! Can't wait for it.
2. Happy to be able to have lunch at the vegetarians again. Yay for healthy food.
3. The new roommate (L) is here. Excitement!


Hope you have a good semester!



(:

Swig

My diary

June 29, 2006

(Back story: I was in Orlando, FL on vacations with my mom's boyfriend and his daughter. We were staying at a hotel. I met some cool children in the common area while I wrote on my diary. So here is what one of them wrote...)

     Your friend who's very sexy and fine that you met an hour ago and has a nice body and is very very very very funny.

Marquice

...

     I went back and started reading my first posts. I had so many expectations with the whole Au Pair program. It kind of hurts that I didn't get the chance to finish it as I wanted. Maybe I didn't plan it well enough. Still, I am happy to have been able to experience a bit of that program and will cherish the memories.

     After a few days without work, Tuesday started again. These will be the last two weeks I have left at work, so I will be at it every day of the week just to make the most money I can. It's nice because my supervisor is back and I am also working with K. Still, the head boss has been a bit... grouchy lately. Everyone knows so. My supervisor had to apologize in her behalf because she knew that the way I was fired was not the correct one. Sadly, I am just a student assistant so there is not much I can do about it. Just move on and try to find a new job at another library. On a positive note, my supervisor said she would be happy to provide a reference letter if needed, and she did. I am impressed with all the positive things she wrote about me. I can't thank her enough for that. 

     Car's A/C broke again. Well, my car in general. One of these days I will throw the car down a cliff and watch it burn while I smile in a creepy way... Also, I should go get an ID soon, just in case I get asked for one when going out for a drink. It's funny because legal drinking age in Puerto Rico is 18, I am 23 and I still get asked for my ID at places. Good genes right here.

     Wednesday was wine and beer pong day. Somehow Owlady and her boyfriend thought it was a good idea to fill up red cups with beer and wine, wine cups having as much as beer ones. K was my partner and let me tell you, he sucks at beer pong so much. We lost 3 out of 3 games, so you can imagine how wasted we ended up. But we had a lot of fun, all in the safety of our apartment. Now that I know that my table is great for beer pong, I guess I'll be doing more competitions like this during the semester!

     Do you like snakes? I love them. They are so majestic. Ever since I was a little girl I've wanted one as a pet, but my mom is scared of them so I never had it. But now that I live "by my own" there's an opportunity to have one. The thing is, Owlady said the other day "Hey! You guys like snakes? I want to buy one." ... and in that moment I was the happiest person alive. She said she will buy the whole thing about next week. Yay to pet snakes!!

     We had a storm on Saturday. It didn't rain as much as I would have liked, but it was nice to have some not so hot weather. There had been a drought the past few weeks, so a good rain was much needed in the island. What I find stupid is that, even though it rained, it wasn't much and, instead of keeping the rationalization of water in a smaller scale until the reservoir (or dam, not sure which to use) is at healthy levels, they just decided to set it back until there is another drought. Puerto Rico does it better.

     AUGUST IS HERE!!! Campus was full today. Suddenly I remembered why I loved studying so much... The semester starts next Monday and I am not happy with that (contradictory, I know). It means that we have to go back to studying and being a responsible adult. On the bright side, it also means meeting new people, having new adventures and just having something to do instead of being in bed all day.

Time for radom points:
1. Ten more days for Thursday!
2. Can't wait to put on my "I ♥ BJ" shirt (BJ stands for Beijing) for school.
3. I miss some of my college friends. Getting to see them is a plus.
4. Today has been the most productive/unproductive day ever. I felt like flipping tables everywhere.
 5. My last week of summer and I will spend it all at work.



(:

Purloin

My dairy

August 14, 2005

My First Kiss

     Yesterday was a spectacular day. I went to the movies with M.A. I never believed that waiting would be so worth it. It was something special, that or those kisses took me to the clouds. I didn't care about anything, I gave it all I had because I love him with all my heart. The first, even though it was just a peck, it was super special. I had cold sweats and I was trembling because of the nervousness, but I was also fascinated. When he actually gave me the "real kiss", I didn't knew how to react, but at least what I did came from the heart. I've never felt this way and I am super happy.

...

This will be a long and not so happy one. But you are welcomed to laugh at my misfortunes. I already did it.

     As far as second chances go, experiences have not been the best. I honestly believe that people can change when they learn the consequences of their doings, but that doesn't mean I will literally give you a second chance to do what you did. As the saying goes... fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Yes, I've seen people change and really take advantage of second chances. Sadly, it's not normal, at least not in my personal experience. In Contrite I talk about apologies. That's because a "friend" apologized to me that week for being pretty much a douche bag. The thing is, I honestly expected for him to go back to friend mode, so when he invited me for drinks with him and a mutual friend I expected nothing more than that. I was so wrong. Just as the night ended and I was saying my goodbyes, he told me "Bye? Why? Aren't we gonna...?" After a small argument, I walked away feeling like shit. I can't understand how some guys think that being nice and friendly after they were total assholes with us means we want them in our beds. Was the apology just that? A way to get to my bed...?

     I love my island. It's a beautiful place to spend some vacations. The beaches, sun, sky, culture and traditions are amazing, like no other place on Earth. As with every other country inn the world, we have criminality. Sadly, our rates are really high. I don't live in the safest area in San Juan, so I've always been really careful to where I park or walk through. This weekend I went back home (my mom's place) and bought some new things for my new place, mainly for my room, so I was excited to head back to my apartment. Being all impatient and stuff like I always am, I decided to go back home a day earlier. I decided to stop first at a friend's house to have a drink and talk for a bit with them, since it was on the way. Had a few extra drinks, so I told K to drive home. It was almost midnight when we got to San Juan, and we were starving, so we stopped at McDonald (it was the only thing opened that late). It took us less than 30 minutes to order, eat and head to the car...

     All I remember was K saying "my laptop..." and getting inside the car, while I asked "what happened to your laptop?", ignoring the fact that I haven't even unlocked the car. Still confused, I walk around to the passengers side just to find glass all over the floor. Someone had broken into my car and had taken K's backpack. I called my mom (yes, I called her instead of calling the police. You will learn my reasons soon enough). While waiting for the police to get there, it hit me. My bag was also in the car. I looked for it and, as I feared, it was missing. My wallet and all personal documents with it. Luckily, my mom has contacts in one of the Police Departments, so agents were there in less than 10 minutes (now you understand). Something that would usually be treated with a simple taking of personal information ended up being a complete investigation. I had the CID taking fingerprints in my car and everything. Even during this misfortunes I could not help but imagining myself in a tv show or movie. Everything took about an hour and a half. Not fun.

     I am not sad or angry about the fact that they took things, but the fact that out of the 3 laptops that were in the car, they had to take K's, not mine. I can't help but to feel guilty. It was my car they broke into, they should've taken my stuff, not his (not like they would know). His new T-Rex shirt was inside that backpack, and he had been wanting that shirt so long just to get it stolen before he could use it. It's pretty unfair, and I hate myself for it. Adding to that, now I have to do eternal paperwork to get my drivers license, student ID, credit cards, insurance card and other important documents inside. I also have to obviously waste money on fixing the car's window. Then I remember the things that had some emotional value inside. A note my boyfriend wrote to me when we were in Chicago, a photo of me and my middle-school friends, another with my high-school friends, currency from places I've visited with special people... and I just get more upset.

 Now to the positive things. I will list them to make the post shorter:

1. My room is going to look so pretty once I am done with it!

2. I am planning a trip to Vieques/Culebra before the month ends. Never been there and that makes me feel like a terrible Puerto Rican.

3. This week I am supposed to receive something my boyfriend sent me. Can't wait for that! ... (10 minutes later) I just got it... incomplete. The package was open and something was missing. What a great week!

4. I plan on start my own home garden with vegetables and stuff. Yay to healthy eating!

5. Mom got me pizza for dinner. Nothing makes a day better than pizza (Well... ice cream is way better. But I won't say no to pizza.)

That's about it for this past week. I hope somehow I put a smile on someone's face.

Q: So tell me, do you remember your first kiss?

:)