Blithe

"No day shall erase you from the memory of time"

"The real violence, the violence I realized  was unforgivable,

is the violence we do to ourselves when we're too afraid 

to be who we really are."

-  Nomi  Marks (Sense8)

...

So much to write in one post. I'll try to keep it as simple as possible, without leaving any details behind! 

     Last time I wrote, I just arrived back from Seattle, WA. Although I was extremely happy at the opportunity to travel once more, a whole crazy month was ahead of me. Yes, I am talking about finals. I a beginning, when the first finals calendar came out, I was pretty relieved to see that I had time between one test and the other and that none interfered with my ComicCon workdays. But I study at the University of Puerto Rico and calendars are NEVER written on stone. Just as the last day of class approached, so did a 48 hour campus strike. 

Candela, candela. La iupi da candela.

     The strike could only mean one thing: finals and classes would be pushed back a few days. I didn't worry about studying time, but about how would that affect my Puerto Rico Comic Con work weekend. As feared, one of my finals was scheduled for Friday, May 22nd. I had to come up with something. As you may know, I've been wanting this job for over 8 months, I was not about to let it go. Thankfully, the final was of Chinese class. After a brief conversation with my professor, she agreed to let me take the test another day. You would think that would be it right? Nope. Life is not that simple. By another day, she meant "tomorrow", almost week earlier than planned. I waged my possibilities, calculated my grades so far and was pleased to see that I only needed a C to keep my A in class. I went for that and got... a C! Yes, mediocre, I know. But in the end I got an A on my final grade. Success!! 

This is pretty geeky, I know.

     Comic Con weekend arrived! Even when I knew some (5 out of 39) of my co-workers beforehand, I still was nervous about how would it all play out the first day. I was glad to see that everyone was incredibly nice and fun to work with. When the boss said "at ComicCon, we are a family", he completely meant it. Not one second I felt out of place. Not only everyone was awesome, but we were a great team (shoutout to Line Team A!). During the event, I got to meet Katrina Law and Jason Momoa. Let's talk about him a little more. He is amazingly handsome. He said, and I quote, "I love your hair". I acted like a total and absolute dork around him. I am so ashamed of myself. Not really. It's not like I will ever see him again. Bottom line, although completely and utterly exhausting, the Puerto Rico Comic Con weekend was one incredible experience that I hope to repeat next year! 

SOLD OUT!

     Funny story from the Comic Con. The week before the event, the staff got some Mad Max Premier tickets. After watching the masterpiece that was the movie, the staff decided that "Witness Me!" our whole staff slogan for this year's event. The thing is, during the event, someone made a cosplay of Immortan Joe. You can only imagine what this meant. Every staff member wanted a picture with him. Everyone stopped him and got all excited to see him. Some ( I ) went to the extreme and asked security to go find him and bring him over. Just imagine the face of that poor kid when he gets called by security to one of the entrances just to find 4 staffers jumping all happy because they found him. I got my picture, of course, and a good laugh out of it. 

Crashboat, Aguadilla PR

     Not the best picture there is of this beach, but you get the idea. I am sure I've told you before, but just in case, this is one of my favorite places in the world. Mainly because of all the great memories that exists thanks to it. So, what better place to say goodbye to the family for the summer than this one? My mom, two brothers, sister-in-law and I spent the whole day in Aguadilla enjoying the sun and some nice family quality time. Well, I spent it away from the water, but it still counts as being at the beach, doesn't it? 

Apple Watch Sport

     Remember last time, in my quick points, how I wrote about wanting the Apple Watch? Guess what?! Yes, I got one. My amazing significant other got it for me as a anniversary present. To be honest, I cried so much when I unwrapped my present. It wasn't the fact that it was the Apple Watch hat made me cry, it was that idea of him thinking about me. How, although he thought it was a complete waste of money, he still was thoughtful and got it for me. ENOUGH WITH THE CHEESE! 

     "Start spreading the news. I am leaving today. I want to be a part of it... New York, New York." First stop of the summer was nonetheless than New York City! I love visiting this city, although I would not like to live in it. It's so big and loud, so full of life. It can make you feel part of something and at the same time, a nothing. And I love all those feelings it gives me. 

     Leaving for the summer made me think about the day I move out of Puerto Rico. One sees it with so much excitement and happiness, but as it becomes something of a reality, sadness also settles. Leaving your hometown is not leaving behind that place you may love or hate, but it is ultimately leaving behind memories, friends, family and what you once considered your life.

Some fast and short dots:

• Can I put photos in here? Nope. They wouldn't look as good. So I will add any other photos I want to share at the end of this post. Click on them to see them bigger!

This was supposed to be posted about two months ago. Stuff happens. But it's better late and incomplete than never, right? 

:)

Lofty

This post was created somewhere around March.

(Still no internet at my place)

                         Sing, whenever there is wine,
               For life is as ephemeral

              As dew in the morning,

                               With the days to come numbered.

                Mind must be generous,

                             But seldom is it free from sorrow

That dissolves

            Only in a cup of wine. 

                                                            - The Martial Emperor of Wei 

...

It's been a pretty positive couple of weeks. 

     After a whole semester without working, I finally found a part-time job. I went from librarian to bartender. It came as a surprise to me when I got the message. I had joked around with M about covering her shift at the bar for her, but never thought that joke would actually get me somewhere. At the beginning I was completely skeptical about it, but now I love it. It's a nice once or twice in a week work with pretty good pay. I get to have fun, meet people and get them drunk. Now I understand why so many college students around the world bartend. 

     Spring Break is here! The island is full of "foreign" students (from the mainland) ready to have all kinds of fun and looking for locals to show them around. It's my favourite time of the year. One makes so many friends and shares experiences, making their stay and company one to remember for times to come. Also, they pay good tips. 

Art by: Jonathan Ortiz

     I turned 24 on February 20th. Time flies by. Each time one of my birthdays comes by I can't help but to go back to when I was 18 and I asked myself "How will I look like when I get to 21? Or 25? Where will I be?". Now I am one year away from 25 and I can't help but to ask myself the same thing about my 30's. Sometimes I wish I could stop time. But then again, I've learned enjoy the present and leave the past behind. Take what I need about it, apply it and just be happy. 

Let us read some quick points...

• Back to Seattle on March 27th! Airplanes make me happy. Food makes me happier though...
• New York, Las Vegas and Vancouver this summer? Make it a YES!
• My baby brother turns 16 on the 25th. He will finally get his driver's permit and I'll be there next to him to celebrate. So excited!
• I miss China... 
• That last point sounds a lot like something I wrote on my last post.
• Starting to plan a graduation trip. Backpacking through Europe next summer and maybe go back to China.
• I can't believe it's already been almost a year since Vancouver 2014. I miss those days.
• Alimony problem got solved and everything is good now.
• Mid-terms are here! I guess that stress makes me want to write.
• I am actually writing in class. The classmate in front of my is watching a soccer game.
• The more money I make, the more money I spend.

:)

Arid

My diary

August 7, 2007

     ...

     That night I had a great time. I danced with him and everything. He started joking around saying that I was his girlfriend and Mara was his lover. I stayed until 4:30am with him and we exchanged phone numbers without raising suspicion on each other. We talked on the phone the rest of the night, until 6:30am.

     The beautiful thing about this is that, without even noticing, we weren't even looking for it, we both fell in love in just 3 days. But not everything is perfect, there are a few problems:

• He studies in Philadelphia
• He leaves late August, early September.
• The biggest of them all: HE IS 22 YEARS OLD!!!!

     He is so nice and what I like the most is that he has the same religious views as me. He was in a band and everything. But, we will see what happens. Apparently he is a good guy. I hope he is the one for me...

...

ANOUNCEMENT: Until the semester is  over, the post will be updated biweekly. 

Sorry guys, finals are almost here and I need the time.

     I just had to write that diary entry. I laughed so much when I read just now. Why? Because I have NO IDEA who I am talking about. Thank heavens we were deeply in love right?! Got a headache trying to remember. So naive (it's not like that has changed much over the years). This our love story  continues for 3 entries more, so I shall write my next posts with them. See if that refreshes my memory. 

     I had to back at calendar to know how far back I had to remember. Luckily I remember things easily... sure. 

     October 31st, 12:40am I received a important call. While I was on the phone, my call was intercepted by your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man! We had a nice conversation about Halloween costumes. He was excited to go out into the world and be called Spider-Man and receive free candy from everyone. Apparently Spider-Man is no different than all of us.

     Remember I said we would probably have a Halloween party at my place? It did happened. Drinks, candy, music, awesome people and Cards Against Humanity. It was epic. That card game can make any 6 person party something fun that goes on the whole night. There's no better way to get to know a group of people than playing Cards Against Humanity. You should try it out on your whatever party. Promise you won't regret it. At the end of that night, Dracula (me) killed it. I was on fire!

Let's do some quick points while I remember anything worth going deeper into!

• We got a new cat in the apartment! He is adorable. Named him Sherlock, since we already have a dog named Watson. Pretty sure Watson is a Hufflepuff and Sherlock is a Ravenclaw. 
• I am hungry.
• So. Much. Schoolwork. Help...!
• Interstellar came out! I've heard such good reviews about it. Can't wait to watch it whenever that may be.
• I've been in a terrible mood lately. Been acting like that old lady that lives with 50 cats at the end of the street and screams at everyone for no apparent reason. Yes, that's me right now.
• Volunteer work? Nope. They never called or called when I was unavailable (I gave them my schedule).
• Dressed as Clark Kent for my classes on Halloween.
• French toasts...
• I should finish school soon. I am the oldest one in almost every class.
• I left my wallet in a classroom one day. Thank zeus a professor found it and took it to the department. For a moment there I thought I had lost what little IDs I had left.
• I exchanged pants with K. His pants fitted perfectly. No one would notice the difference.
• People, don't have fun without the hat! There are lots of terrible STDS out there. Play it safe. It's for your own good.
• I am pretty sure I failed today's test.

     Quick points turned into eternal points. I went through my text messages while I made those. It was easier than trying to remember all that happened.

     It rained so much last week that the temperature went down to 72ºF. I know you may think that's not much but, when you are used to live on a tropical island called Hell (Puerto Rico), 72ºF feels like snow will fall at any moment. I had a long sleeve and a cardigan on most of the day and I would still feel cold. Also, my hair could not deal with all the humidity (it was at 100%). At least I got to wear my rain-boots all over campus and jump in puddles. Fun times.

     I think that's about it for now. I hope I didn't forget anything worth telling. Wait... let me check on Facebook... Yes! I knew I missed something. So I've decided to make a lifestyle change. After some research and thought, I've decided to practice Secular Buddhism. I am obviously new to it, so I can't go too deep into it. To put it into simple words it's just Buddhism for, but not limited to, agnostics and atheists. It takes the religious beliefs out of Buddhism. If you, like me, are looking for something less "to believe but not see" in your life, maybe this will be good for you. I have yet to see how it works for me.

Done.

One last thing, congrats to all the veterans out there (in advance)!





(:

Deter

Dec. 29, 2011

My diary

February 12, 2007

?

I don't know what to tell you

...

I have so much school work this week, I just shouldn't be writing the blog.

     I feel like it will be a good week. How can it not be when Tuesday started with us watching Ip Man in our Chinese class? I watched this movie a few years ago and really enjoyed it. Add to that the fact that there was a table full of Puerto Rican traditional candy for sale at my Faculty's lobby. The fat person that resides inside me was so happy.

     After a little incident that happened this week I feel the need to make something clear: (if I write about you) don't take things so seriously. Since I was 15 I've always used writing as a way to let out  some steam and organise my thoughts. Originally I started this blog because of my experience as an Au Pair, but now that I am done with that, I just write of random life things and thoughts. It's like a supplementary writing to my actual diary. Raw things are usually written here. So once again, don't take it so seriously.

      Now... this week is Halloween!! Do I have a costume? No. Do I plan to go to a party? I may do something at my place (I will let you come if you bring drinks and chocolates). Do I plan to dress up? I always do. Best part about Halloween is the day-after-candy-sale at stores. My sweet-tooth goes crazy buying chocolates. Mmmm... peanut butter Snickers... *drools*

     Wednesday was an unexpected free and alone day. I had no class (or at least I didn't go to my morning class), so I stayed and took a day off to treat myself to Netflix and other streaming sites. I really love spending time with myself. It gives me an opportunity to both clear my head and think about life. I wish people could see more the beauty in silence, in being alone from time to time. We live such hectic lives nowadays. Slow down, take a deep breath, relax, think a bit, keep going.

     My weekend was not so fun. I think part of what made it that way is that I didn't have my partner in crime with me. K was out having fun in Universal Horror Nights while jobless and busy me was stuck in the apartment studying (such responsable person). Okay, I did study but I also went out. Let's start with Friday...

     I had to drive home to leave my car there. It has been heating up a lot lately and some other car related stuff needed to be done. Had to stop and wait for my mom at the hair salon. I decided to get a haircut since I was there. After, my mom decided to head to the mall and buy some sexy halloween costumes for her so we could go out on Saturday. Later, I was happy to find out that my boyfriend "by mistake" had bought and sent me the book Gone Girl. Finally back to my apartment. The rest of the night was... complicated. Drinks, music, people, kisses, arguments, conversations, messages, calls that never came. It all ended with a feeling of anger burning in my chest. 

     I remember hearing once that when women go out, they should only pay for the first drink. I've seen how many of them just stand there, flirting with guys who look like they could pay for a drink. The thing is that most time it is the guy they don't like who buys the drink. It angers me how they aren't polite enough to hold a five minute conversation with them. Yes, I know that a free drink does not mean you have to talk much less sleep with anyone, but as a good gesture just thank that person and at least ask for their names, even if you forget it the second after they tell you. It takes courage to buy someone a drink, and I consider it a big compliment. I feel that the least I can do is smile, give thanks and have some small talk. It doesn't kill you. It makes you look approachable and polite. "Good" men like women, not spoiled girls.

That's enough words. Now quick points!

• Dressed as Cruella Devile for Saturday's costume party. Taking advantage of my half blonde, half black hair. 
• My mom was a sexy nurse that same night.
• I've never dressed as sexy something. I guess I didn't get that from my mom.
• I have a hand-in test tomorrow that I will probably hand-in Wednesday.
• Marx... Lenin... Dos Santos... I will never finish this.
• I don't have a test on Wednesday. Yay! (I live by rule #32)
• Benedict Cumberbatch as The Sorcerer Supreme made my day.
• Do any of you want to pay me a trip to Seattle? I will be forever  grateful and will pay back with stuff.
• Can this week be over?
• Can this semester be over?
• Can I be New Years Eve already?
• Even if "NO" is the easiest answer, say "YES" please... 

Time to read. Sadness.

(:

Maybe we should project this out into the world...

Gape

My diary

March 20th, 2007

(Post written by my boyfriend back then)

     Muñequita, you have given meaning to my life. When my soul lacked hope and my heart had forgotten the meaning of the word LOVE, you appeared in my destiny. 

     I will never forget you, even if destiny makes us a foul play and we loose each other (which I highly doubt).

     How to forget the tenderness in your eyes, the softness of your hands, your beautiful voice, your body...; however, without doubt the most beautiful thing about you, what made me fall in love, you unique personality, affectionate, sweet; hard to forget.

I love you with all my heart,

C.A.

...

Why can't any story begin with "I was having this amazing ice cream..." 

Life happens. Sometimes I just don't have the time to write.

     Right now my roommates are reading my last blog post out loud. It's just too funny. It makes me question if all you read it in the same voice they are reading it. If you are, thank you. You get how non-serious this blog is.

Tuesday (October 7). A few things happened that day that I will list because of lazy not going into detail reasons.

• I got to see my friends G and JC, whom I hadn't seen in a long time. We had a nice lunch together. 
• I found out what was the application process for the after-college-job I want.
• Someone I "dated" called just to ask me if I knew someone who sold Adderall. Just because I used to be in Natural Sciences doesn't mean I know prescription drug dealers. (I've made some terrible dating choices, I know) 
• I had a drunk person come by apartment and start screaming my name  at 10pm.
• I couldn't finish studying for my test (replacement) because I had a drunk person trying to paint my hair with a black Sharpie.
• I was not a happy camper at the end of the night.

     It kind of upsets me when people who kicked you out of their life want to push themselves back in just when you are happy again. I personally think that it can be possible to be great friends with someone you've dated before. But what happens when you feel that person getting too clingy again? Most people would be "just tell him/her off!", but in my case I just KNOW the person will act defensive if I try and do that. I started trying distance myself, but then I get a drunk at my door. It's kind of frustrating because I honestly don't want it to affect my current relationship. That person had the chance to be with me and didn't appreciate it. It's been more than 6 months since the brake up with me (it wasn't even my choice!), it's time to move on to friendship. Not flirty-I-want-to-sleep-with-you friendship, but a nice healthy friendship.

Wednesday (October 8). I really need it to be Friday.

Then we get to this last week. Quick points!!

• I have nothing.
• OH! I went to Ponce on Saturday. That's where the picture was taken. Just wanted to get my mind off of things. Didn't really work that well, but at least I had a good sleep after that!
• I was attacked by a water fountain today at campus. I will not go into details, since I need to keep this PG. I will just say it felt somewhat like rape.
• I have a test tomorrow and I haven't read anything. Yes, I write this in almost every post. But it's because I am irresponsible like that sometimes...
• I found a organic market. Yay to eating healthy!!
• Remember kids: prostitution is illegal.

Feeling. Sick. Don't. Want. To. Study... 

(:

Ken

My diary

October 8, 2006

     ... Love goes well but badly. Badly because I can't find a way to end things up with KV. All because he tried to experiment with me, in other words, throughout a month he treated me really badly, like he didn't love me anymore. Since then I was greatly disappointed and things are not the same from my part, and now he's back to being all lovely with me. Among the things that bother me is the fact that while I treated him well, he didn't even care about calling me, and now that I don't care, he calls me every night without a miss and he leaves messages saying: "My love call me as soon as you can. I am concerned because I haven't heard about you in a long time and I worry if you are alright. Take care, be good and I love you". Hearing me kills me inside a bit because I don't want to hurt him. I want things between us to end up in a good note.

...

Today is my boyfriend's birthday, woot woot!!  ^-^

     I would love to tell you guys that I've been up to fun things, but sadly that's not the case. I have a "no studying on weekends" policy in my life that I had to break this weekend. I did have some fun on Friday (I'll tell you about it later in the post), but Saturday and Sunday was wasted on my books completely. I am kind of impressed with myself this semester. I don't know if this has been the best one to date, but at least I've been giving it some extra effort. Maybe it's because I want to finish my degree soon, maybe I have matured... nope. It's the wanting to finish. Definitive. 

     Last week... what about last week? This is why I try and write daily on the posts. If not, Monday comes again and my short term memory doesn't let me remember anytime before Friday. Maybe if I start backwards I can remember. So let's do today first. I learned how to say/write "I love you" in Mandarin! It's "我爱你" (wǒ ài nǐ). Let's break it down:

• 我 (wǒ) = me
• 爱 (ài) = to have affection (verb); love (noun)
• 你 (nǐ) = you

So there you go. The more you know!

     Because of homework, quiz and tests stuff I had to run around campus looking for internet (wifi is really bad in campus) so that I could finish all the work I've been doing for a few days now. At least one professor decided to skip class today, so that gave me some extra time. I am lucky enough to have some good friends. This person (we will name MR) that I used to like recently became really good friends with me. We've doing some nice activities together, and today MR even bought me some pizza! I had to walk all the way to Law School (damn them law school students!) to get it, but it was totally worth it. 

     Now the weekend. Sunday was library (Law School again...). I don't plan on studying law, I just needed to get some books for a research I am doing and that was the only place in campus where I could find them. I do like the silence there is in that library. Moving on to Saturday. I spent the whole day at my place doing Chinese homework. "It's Friday, Friday! Gotta get down on Friday!" No? Okay. Sorry. Since I knew I would have to study the weekend, I decided to take Friday evening free. Original plan was to take myself on a date. Dinner and movies, you know, the usual. It ended up being a date with my other half, my best friend K, and I wouldn't had it any other way. While in dinner, MR called saying "I won two tickets to Teatro Breve's "Noche de Jevas 2". I can't go, so I will give them to you and you can take K. You can thank me by coming over to my bar after the stand-up comedy is over. Drinks are on me". So you can all guess how the rest of the night went. Theatre, bar, free drink and a random visit to a club. Sounds like a long night, but I was home by 3am (I usually go until 5am). It was fun.

     See! I am starting to remember events from the days before. My mind works in mysterious ways...  Thursday was debate day. I was a panellist on a debate from my International Political Economy class. It was really fun and it was totally horrifying. Once again, I am not good talking in front of large crowds. I just made one (amazing and smart) question and I was trembling more than that thing that vibrates that's in my desk. Yes, I put my phone on vibrate when I am in my desk.

Do I have any quick points? Hmmm...

• I need to stop eating so much pizza. I've been gaining some really unwanted weight.
• I love pizza too much to stop eating it. I should just work out.
• Nope. I am too lazy to work out. 
• I don't think there is a possible solution to this that involves not getting fat, not working out and keep eating pizza whenever I want.
• K got me some ice cream... I don't remember when. But he knows me so well. 我爱他. (他 stands for "him")
• Can I get a tattoo for Christmas?
• I want to read Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. It's been a while since last time I read a book and it hurts.
• October is here, which means Oktoberfest + Halloween. Perfection, I know.

I need a cool sounding closing line...

(:

Kismet

My Diary
July 5, 2011

     It was hard to begin with, but with A LOT of communication everything has been improving. With time you learn the art of patience, the frustration and the continuos effort it takes to live and be happy.

     ... And... I need to go to the bathroom. I know that these few pages leave you with the desire to know more, but it will be until next time. Break a leg!

...

     Fall is here! You see that red leaf? It's actually the first time I see one. I wanted to take it home with me. It seemed like a bad idea at the moment. Now I want to go back and get it. Sadness.

     Two weeks (and a bit more)... You could say right now I am procrastinating, but I would like to see as if by writing this blog I am getting ready to do whatever school work I have to do. Plus, I am waiting for the tea to cool down a bit. 

     These past few weeks have been kind of unlucky for me. Have you heard of the chikungunya? Well I got sick with that just 2 days before something special and important happened. It was a hard decision I had to make that day. I still got to do what I wanted (more like needed) to do. But the process was a bit painful. I couldn't stay out of bed or do anything physical for a prolonged time because of the pain. But in the end, it was worth it.

     What was not worth it was the amount of class I lost. Having to stay inside for a whole week meant not going to school, which meant falling behind in class. I already took 2 tests, and I am pretty sure I have 2 more waiting for me. Add to that the whole alimony thing. When I think I am going to go back to school, no. I have to meet up with my lawyer, go to court, meet up with the lawyer again and repeat. Tomorrow will be my actual complete first day of class and I am honestly just expecting the worse. I get exhausted with half days in school right now, so I am guessing I will be dying by the end of the day.

     Stuff (I like using the word stuff) doesn't end there. Quick piece of information: my lawyer is back at my mom's town, so I usually just stay home each time we have to meet up. The drive from where I live to where she lives is a bit exhausting. The thing is, my brother and mother got the influenza B. In the event of contagion and, because I still got the chikungunya in my system, it would be mortal. So I got kicked out of my mom's house (for my own good). At this rate soon you'll see in the news "FIRST CASE OF EBOLA IN PUERTO RICO: A 23 year old student was found to be...". After so many years of good luck and karma something bad had to happen, right? So in the end I can't complain. 

Now to random stories and points:

• Received a text message this morning from an old "friend". It read "Sup. I wanna see you. Typo, I mean taste." Does that ever work for guys? I am guessing it has to in some way. If not, why do they even use it? I once tried it and got rejected... BADLY. Tried it again today, got rejected again. Third time is the charm? My ego can't take another rejection.
• People still don't believe me when I tell them I am in a relationship, even though I posted a picture of him, tagged him and added a cheesy message to it. Am I not relationship material? Is it that people think I am too selfish or something like that? Why, people? WHY?!
• I am asking myself too many questions lately. It's a phase, just ignore it.
• Can I get a flight out of here? Oh wait... I am still jobless.
• I will be doing some volunteer work in the Urban Culture Fair by the end of the month. I feel like I need more volunteer work in my life. Maybe that will tilt karma back into place.
• My Chinese has improved a lot since classes started. I can ask your name now. *wink wink*
• Wine hangovers are the worst hangovers in life. If you ever get so drunk with wine that you end up hugging the toilet... I just feel bad for you.
• I haven't been to the movies in so long it hurts. I can't wait to get some extra money on the side to waste on the movie theatre. (I should save it up, but sometimes my priorities suck.)
• I really don't want to do any school work.

Tea time is over! I guess it's time to go back to work...

(:

Tussle

I think I should do another diary post. 

... I should have marked the diary dates I already wrote about.

Been loosing some readers...

My diary
July 10, 2010

      As you would expect (if you do the math), I just "finished" my first university year (the quotation marks because due to the strike it actually finished the 28th of June) in the University of Puerto Rico, Río Piedras Campus. Yes! One of my dreams have become reality, even if there is still a long way to go. I am lodging with 2 of my best friends from high school, K & J. Our apartment is ... near the University Avenue (there are lots of bars) and it has 3 rooms. It the best freshman year! I discovered and learned so many things. Mi cognisance has been opened on so many ways that I can't even believe it. I met so many new people. Got drunk for the first time. Learned about infidelity, but I also learned about trust and love. I learned that sometimes is better to keep quiet and listen carefully, that sometimes we need to strive to be happy and keep that happiness at hand. It has been some really marvellous, good and not-so-good experiences that fills my heart with happiness just thinking about it.

...

Let’s start on Tuesday. Sometimes I like to think my life is full of this random moments that happen on a daily basis and make things interesting. I remember writing “I need to get out of my room more” and I am pretty sure my room read this and took it into his own to get me out of there. So my alarm sounds, I snooze it. It sounds again, more snooze. Some days I try to sleep the maximum. I wake up with just 40mins to get ready and head to class. I have to do an oral presentation for my first class, can’t be late. Having no time to waste, I head to the shower. I hate getting dressed in the bathroom, so I just take my towel with me. Done with shower, head to my room, turn the doorknob… it doesn’t open. Try again, nope. I do not have the key to the room, am late for class and everything is inside. I call my mom and ask her if I should break the door down (I have no idea how I intended to do that). She says to just get a hammer and break the doorknob. No hammer in my place. I look around for something strong enough to break it. Found a frying pan. I start hitting it with the pan. It breaks down. I am free to ender my room. I feel like a powerful person.

            So that was how my week started. Turns out my day was long from over. I had to run to class. Got there just in time. Got an A on my oral presentation (Achievement unlocked!). I had an interview, which ended up in me getting angry with the company and withdrawing my application. Because of a interview that led nowhere I even missed classes. But after that it was smooth sailing. Had someone stare at me in traffic while I ate (I was hungry; traffic was terrible; you can’t judge me; the struggle is real.). I would like to see it as funny and not creepy. Just a normal day.

          ... and then my hair is half salmon color, half black. This last weekend I decided I would dye my hair. I already knew I wanted to do it, but didn't actually make a move to get it. From wanting to dye my whole hair, I ended up just doing half of it. I want to make it look like a fashion statement, rather than a crazy metal girl who wants a rainbow in her head (nothing wrong with this). White is the desired color but, since my hair was originally dyed black, it will take more than 2 hair bleaches to get there. This means my hair will go under a lot of stress and it will take time. So I had to settle with salmon semi-permanent hair color so it wouldn't look as bad (I am not a blonde kind of girl). One of my professor saw me and asked "Did you ran out of dye halfway or is it a fashion statement?"

Time for quick points!

1. Let the countdown begin: 11 days to go.
2. Free salsa concert in campus last Thursday. I had an amazing time studying and then falling asleep. Good days...
3. Paid drinks karaoke Friday! Somehow I ended up drinking with Law School students (not my favourite bunch) and singing Bon Jovi classics on karaoke.
4. I am loving Peter Capaldi as the new Doctor.
5. Got some ice cream delivered to me today! (I am sorry. I love ice cream too much.)

Some thoughts:

          I am quite impressed with how much importance romantic relationships have on today’s society. Something that’s supposed to be between couples somehow ends up being a public spectacle. From where and how did you meet to how long have you been together, people want the “scoop” on the whole story behind your relationship. My discomfort began when, because of a small misunderstanding with a classmate, I decided to change my relationship status on Facebook. I’ve been in a relationship for a few months now and both my boyfriend and I felt like there was no need to tell the whole Internet we were together. The thing is I worry with the fact that I’ve been congratulated and asked for confirmation so many times. Relationships are normal and necessary part of that social interaction that happens throughout our lives. We all fall for someone and get our hearts broken at least once in our lifetime, so why congratulate someone on something that happens on a day-to-day basis to the vast majority of humanity probably since the first homo sapiens walked the Earth? It’s not like I am getting married (which we are taught it’s forever and I don't actually plan on doing) or anything. I just decided to share my life and make someone happy for an unknown amount of time. I am doing this because both he and I as consenting adults decided we wanted this. We are not looking for anyone’s approval or anything of the sort. Leave the congratulations for people who encounter a big life event like graduation, a baby or winning the lottery.





(:

Raillery

     While looking for some official papers in some drawers I rarely open I found a notebook I used to write poems. We (girls) have all gone through the "writing poems" phase. Either it was early in our teens, or later in our 20somethings. I have to say, I was really bad. No rules where followed, in a really bad basic cheesy way the rhymed though. At least I found a way to put my thoughts into words. I guess it all started there. Translation won't rhyme, I know. I just thought it would be fun to share what my thirteen year-old self thought about love...

July 8, 2004

LOVE

Many people say that love is beautiful,

but for me it has been painful.

Knowing you will never love me,

each day I love you more and more.

The more I try to forget you,

my heart and my mind make me remember you.

Each time I see you my heart flutters

and sometimes I even loose my mind.

I think about you all the time,

even when I am sleeping.

All this pain

for just a love

that has broken my heart.

     Wow. That was a really cheesy way to begin this post. I don't think I remember why I wrote this, but memories from this time come to mind. I must have been on 10th grade. It comes to mind Sean and his blue eyes, those I used to die for so much in middle school. I remember he used to be under the tree every recess wearing all black. He was the reason I started listening to rock and wearing black eye-liner in the first place. I wanted to be seen as cool in his eyes. His smile, even when it wasn't meant for me, could melt me on the inside and make my days better. I would go to sleep every night thinking about how one day he would notice me. My first big crush. I don't remember how long this went on. Maybe two years? See, that's the good thing about keeping diaries. It helps keep memories fresh and intact. If only I would have written a diary back then, the story wouldn't be incomplete...

...

Let's light up the mood!

     Got it? No? Not funny. It kind of was in my head. I would like to think it actually was and you all laughed with me. Please, don't shatter my dreams.

     I have no idea where to start. When I don't write weekly, the time line in my head starts being less of a line and more of a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff. Can I be lazy and put things in a list again? Lists are real easy to make. Maybe while doing it I can remember things that are worth telling details about!

1. Two Friday's ago I went clubbing with K and L (my other roommate). We had a really good time. Missed my Chinese friends at the club. They are always there. It's funny because they can't pronounce my name correctly, so they call me "Walaly" and I've grown fond to it.
2. Found something to tell you details about! You will find those stories after the list you are just reading.
3. The Saturday after clubbing I had my stepsister's birthday. It was a typical teenager party with DJ, balloons, candies and cake. Her dad got me beer and wine since I would be the only 20something there. I had a good time with beer, wine and Drake.
4. Job interview! I've learned that the job you want the less is the job you will get in the end. Life can be cruel like that.
5. Got some good grades on my Mandarin language class. Whoop whoop! :D
6. Flights are booked!! Less than 3 weeks to go.
7. Yeah... I need some adventures soon. I miss being on an airplane and things.

     You know when someone rejects you for whatever reason and you just wish you could randomly meet with them one of those days you are looking flawless? Yeah. That happened to me. It may be (probably is) really immature, but it feels empowering. Even if you know deep down inside they could not care less how you look, the fact that you feel beautiful and he got to see you on your best moments has something that makes you feel so good. I am girly like that sometimes. ... And then he goes and remembers a small detail of something you don't like, does it while telling you "I still remember you don't like this" and all the happiness turns into just wanting to kill him for that. But I will just think about that moment when I did what I wanted to do and I was flawless at it. 

     I don't know if it is because it's late or my life has become pretty boring and someone of a routine since the semester started, but I am out of things to write about. I should try and get out of my room a bit more. Do some yoga or something. It just gets a bit hard when you have so much schoolwork plus other personal things to work with. I also enjoy my alone space and silence (...will fall? I need to stop with the Doctor Who references, I know). It's really loud in the outside world and sometimes we just need to stop, take a deep breath and listen to the silence.

(:  

Plunge

     Sorry guys! Since it is the last week of summer/first week of class, I've been really busy with cleaning the apartment and leaving everything ready for the semester. This post had been already written by Monday, but didn't have the time to publish it. You should also know that next week's post will also come late. Thank you for your patience and for reading!

My diary

April 28, 2006

     Classes are over at last! I am on my vacations. Now to thing what to do. Probably I'll be home al day long. There isn't much I can do about that.

...

     Initially I thought I would only have to wake up early once this week, and sleep off the rest. Sadly, things never go our way even when they do go our way. It's been a long long long week. But at least I am happy to know that I am done running around from office to office... for now. 

     Updates! I got to enroll on the Chinese (Mandarin) language course. Had to change my schedule a bit (a lot actually), but it was totally worth it. Once I had the language class, I went to talk to the Political Science Department Director and got a class that's really important for the completion of the degree. I got asked so many questions about why did I want a degree in Political Sciences instead of any other natural sciences degree. Apparently I did a good job answering because I got the class and the Director said "Valerie, we should sit down and talk later. I want to know about your experience as a Natural Sciences student and other things." 

     There was a time where I didn't care to be recognized by any of my professors. I was pretty much a ghost in all my classes. I've never been someone outgoing in large groups, more like a sit back and observe. However, if there is something I have learned is that observing without commenting takes you nowhere. It's not like I will become a avid participant in class, but I will do my best to contribute to class discussions so that professors can remember my name for future references. 

   Last week at work! I should be more worried than happy. But I've come to see this as an opportunity to grow. I did apply to other libraries and departments in campus, but they will probably be closer to my new faculty and I wont have to deal with ugly vibes anymore. Also, it made me look for internship opportunities in the island and mainland, primarily in non-profit organizations. Apparently there are a broad range of things to do with a BA in Political Sciences.

     My car is fixed! It runs smoothly now and the A/C works perfectly again. So happy to have her back (yes, my car is a girl). I just hope that it doesn't break down in the next 6-7 months. ... aaaaand I wrote this too fast. A/C stopped working again. This time it just doesn't cool. So now I have to go back to the mechanic before Thursday.

     First day of school! For a moment there I thought the summer would never end. It was a nice first day. Had my first Chinese (Mandarin) class. I'll rant about a few things that happen in Mandarin class later. Nothing I didn't learn before in my Au Pair classes, which is nice. Other two classes were just introductions and papers of what we would study and what we needed. The heat was terrible though. Had to take a nap after that. But all around, it was pretty nice.

Quick points:
1. THURSDAAAAAYYYY!!! Can't wait for it.
2. Happy to be able to have lunch at the vegetarians again. Yay for healthy food.
3. The new roommate (L) is here. Excitement!


Hope you have a good semester!



(:

Swig

My diary

June 29, 2006

(Back story: I was in Orlando, FL on vacations with my mom's boyfriend and his daughter. We were staying at a hotel. I met some cool children in the common area while I wrote on my diary. So here is what one of them wrote...)

     Your friend who's very sexy and fine that you met an hour ago and has a nice body and is very very very very funny.

Marquice

...

     I went back and started reading my first posts. I had so many expectations with the whole Au Pair program. It kind of hurts that I didn't get the chance to finish it as I wanted. Maybe I didn't plan it well enough. Still, I am happy to have been able to experience a bit of that program and will cherish the memories.

     After a few days without work, Tuesday started again. These will be the last two weeks I have left at work, so I will be at it every day of the week just to make the most money I can. It's nice because my supervisor is back and I am also working with K. Still, the head boss has been a bit... grouchy lately. Everyone knows so. My supervisor had to apologize in her behalf because she knew that the way I was fired was not the correct one. Sadly, I am just a student assistant so there is not much I can do about it. Just move on and try to find a new job at another library. On a positive note, my supervisor said she would be happy to provide a reference letter if needed, and she did. I am impressed with all the positive things she wrote about me. I can't thank her enough for that. 

     Car's A/C broke again. Well, my car in general. One of these days I will throw the car down a cliff and watch it burn while I smile in a creepy way... Also, I should go get an ID soon, just in case I get asked for one when going out for a drink. It's funny because legal drinking age in Puerto Rico is 18, I am 23 and I still get asked for my ID at places. Good genes right here.

     Wednesday was wine and beer pong day. Somehow Owlady and her boyfriend thought it was a good idea to fill up red cups with beer and wine, wine cups having as much as beer ones. K was my partner and let me tell you, he sucks at beer pong so much. We lost 3 out of 3 games, so you can imagine how wasted we ended up. But we had a lot of fun, all in the safety of our apartment. Now that I know that my table is great for beer pong, I guess I'll be doing more competitions like this during the semester!

     Do you like snakes? I love them. They are so majestic. Ever since I was a little girl I've wanted one as a pet, but my mom is scared of them so I never had it. But now that I live "by my own" there's an opportunity to have one. The thing is, Owlady said the other day "Hey! You guys like snakes? I want to buy one." ... and in that moment I was the happiest person alive. She said she will buy the whole thing about next week. Yay to pet snakes!!

     We had a storm on Saturday. It didn't rain as much as I would have liked, but it was nice to have some not so hot weather. There had been a drought the past few weeks, so a good rain was much needed in the island. What I find stupid is that, even though it rained, it wasn't much and, instead of keeping the rationalization of water in a smaller scale until the reservoir (or dam, not sure which to use) is at healthy levels, they just decided to set it back until there is another drought. Puerto Rico does it better.

     AUGUST IS HERE!!! Campus was full today. Suddenly I remembered why I loved studying so much... The semester starts next Monday and I am not happy with that (contradictory, I know). It means that we have to go back to studying and being a responsible adult. On the bright side, it also means meeting new people, having new adventures and just having something to do instead of being in bed all day.

Time for radom points:
1. Ten more days for Thursday!
2. Can't wait to put on my "I ♥ BJ" shirt (BJ stands for Beijing) for school.
3. I miss some of my college friends. Getting to see them is a plus.
4. Today has been the most productive/unproductive day ever. I felt like flipping tables everywhere.
 5. My last week of summer and I will spend it all at work.



(:

Swerve

I'll be staying over my mom's place, which means I don't have my diaries. So here an actual conversation I had once...

- "That green ugly evil stupid alien thing!"

- "You should sleepy bomb him and take his weapons and put him in a cage until he tells you something you want him to tell you."

- "I'm on my way to my secret doom lair for Zim. I will fix this."

- "Okie dokie!"

...

     This has been one tough week. I don't want to go all "pity me" on my readers, so I will just write about my thoughts on random things and conversations I've had with people.

     I am not the most experienced when it comes to dating and such. I've only been in one long-term relationshit (no typo there) and I am not good when it comes to actually going out on a date. The phrase that comes to mind when I think about dates is "You are weird..." I've heard that too much in the last year and a half. But one thing I know is that there are some things that you must stay away. For example, if you have hurt someone time after time, and after years that person is still there... that's not normal. You want someone in your life who loves you, but who also loves themselves. More so, if you feel the need to validate their love in front of others by saying "After all I've done to him, he is still there. He must really love me.", then I am almost certain that you are with that person for the right reasons. Even when in love, you can use logic. It may become cloudy, but it's still there. I won't stop saying this; people need to learn how to think, even when the heart is at stake. Maybe that's my problem, I think too much.

     Kind of got a bit excited today. I may be able to take a Intensive Basic Chinese course this semester. It's funny how I started learning Korean by myself because I wanted learn a third language, just to end up learning Chinese. I guess the few hours of class I took when being an Au Pair in Beijing made me change my mind. I would have to change my class schedule a bit, but I think it would be a perfect addition to my plans for the future.

     Talking about Korean... Can you recall that the original plan was to stay a week at the end of my Au Pair program in South Korea? Well, a friend of mine told me that next semester (Jan-May) will start on the 20th of January, which gives me a big window to travel. For a moment there I thought it would be the perfect occasion to visit South Korea, since the flight price goes down around that time. But then I remembered that I wanted to go there with someone special. Maybe it's because I've been wanting to go there for so long, I want to share the experience with someone else. Or maybe there's some kind of romantic inside me. Either way, I don't know what to do. Go alone, or wait and make it as special as I've always imagined?

     I am trying to think about a funny anecdote, but I am dry. I do have a story that made me laugh in some way. While I was cleaning the other day, my roommate's dog ran away. You should know, I am no dog lover. They always want too much attention. I made an effort to go get him (not much of an effort, just walked in front of the house while I yelled "WATSOOOON!!"). A few hours passed and I really thought he was a goner. But apparently everything you don't like does come back to you. He came back by his own. Yay...

     This is all I can write after one week of not leaving my apartment. Yes, I know this post was supposed to come out on Monday, but being lazy adds up and you just want to continue being lazy. I did a few projects here and there. My spinach seeds sprouted (Yaaay) and my place is as clean as it's ever been. But finishing around 4 seasons of random series in less than one week can't be that good for your mental stability, right?

Pd. You should check out my roommate's blog. She writes about her adventures, life and other fun stuff.

(:

Purloin

My dairy

August 14, 2005

My First Kiss

     Yesterday was a spectacular day. I went to the movies with M.A. I never believed that waiting would be so worth it. It was something special, that or those kisses took me to the clouds. I didn't care about anything, I gave it all I had because I love him with all my heart. The first, even though it was just a peck, it was super special. I had cold sweats and I was trembling because of the nervousness, but I was also fascinated. When he actually gave me the "real kiss", I didn't knew how to react, but at least what I did came from the heart. I've never felt this way and I am super happy.

...

This will be a long and not so happy one. But you are welcomed to laugh at my misfortunes. I already did it.

     As far as second chances go, experiences have not been the best. I honestly believe that people can change when they learn the consequences of their doings, but that doesn't mean I will literally give you a second chance to do what you did. As the saying goes... fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Yes, I've seen people change and really take advantage of second chances. Sadly, it's not normal, at least not in my personal experience. In Contrite I talk about apologies. That's because a "friend" apologized to me that week for being pretty much a douche bag. The thing is, I honestly expected for him to go back to friend mode, so when he invited me for drinks with him and a mutual friend I expected nothing more than that. I was so wrong. Just as the night ended and I was saying my goodbyes, he told me "Bye? Why? Aren't we gonna...?" After a small argument, I walked away feeling like shit. I can't understand how some guys think that being nice and friendly after they were total assholes with us means we want them in our beds. Was the apology just that? A way to get to my bed...?

     I love my island. It's a beautiful place to spend some vacations. The beaches, sun, sky, culture and traditions are amazing, like no other place on Earth. As with every other country inn the world, we have criminality. Sadly, our rates are really high. I don't live in the safest area in San Juan, so I've always been really careful to where I park or walk through. This weekend I went back home (my mom's place) and bought some new things for my new place, mainly for my room, so I was excited to head back to my apartment. Being all impatient and stuff like I always am, I decided to go back home a day earlier. I decided to stop first at a friend's house to have a drink and talk for a bit with them, since it was on the way. Had a few extra drinks, so I told K to drive home. It was almost midnight when we got to San Juan, and we were starving, so we stopped at McDonald (it was the only thing opened that late). It took us less than 30 minutes to order, eat and head to the car...

     All I remember was K saying "my laptop..." and getting inside the car, while I asked "what happened to your laptop?", ignoring the fact that I haven't even unlocked the car. Still confused, I walk around to the passengers side just to find glass all over the floor. Someone had broken into my car and had taken K's backpack. I called my mom (yes, I called her instead of calling the police. You will learn my reasons soon enough). While waiting for the police to get there, it hit me. My bag was also in the car. I looked for it and, as I feared, it was missing. My wallet and all personal documents with it. Luckily, my mom has contacts in one of the Police Departments, so agents were there in less than 10 minutes (now you understand). Something that would usually be treated with a simple taking of personal information ended up being a complete investigation. I had the CID taking fingerprints in my car and everything. Even during this misfortunes I could not help but imagining myself in a tv show or movie. Everything took about an hour and a half. Not fun.

     I am not sad or angry about the fact that they took things, but the fact that out of the 3 laptops that were in the car, they had to take K's, not mine. I can't help but to feel guilty. It was my car they broke into, they should've taken my stuff, not his (not like they would know). His new T-Rex shirt was inside that backpack, and he had been wanting that shirt so long just to get it stolen before he could use it. It's pretty unfair, and I hate myself for it. Adding to that, now I have to do eternal paperwork to get my drivers license, student ID, credit cards, insurance card and other important documents inside. I also have to obviously waste money on fixing the car's window. Then I remember the things that had some emotional value inside. A note my boyfriend wrote to me when we were in Chicago, a photo of me and my middle-school friends, another with my high-school friends, currency from places I've visited with special people... and I just get more upset.

 Now to the positive things. I will list them to make the post shorter:

1. My room is going to look so pretty once I am done with it!

2. I am planning a trip to Vieques/Culebra before the month ends. Never been there and that makes me feel like a terrible Puerto Rican.

3. This week I am supposed to receive something my boyfriend sent me. Can't wait for that! ... (10 minutes later) I just got it... incomplete. The package was open and something was missing. What a great week!

4. I plan on start my own home garden with vegetables and stuff. Yay to healthy eating!

5. Mom got me pizza for dinner. Nothing makes a day better than pizza (Well... ice cream is way better. But I won't say no to pizza.)

That's about it for this past week. I hope somehow I put a smile on someone's face.

Q: So tell me, do you remember your first kiss?

:)