Kismet

My Diary
July 5, 2011

     It was hard to begin with, but with A LOT of communication everything has been improving. With time you learn the art of patience, the frustration and the continuos effort it takes to live and be happy.

     ... And... I need to go to the bathroom. I know that these few pages leave you with the desire to know more, but it will be until next time. Break a leg!

...

     Fall is here! You see that red leaf? It's actually the first time I see one. I wanted to take it home with me. It seemed like a bad idea at the moment. Now I want to go back and get it. Sadness.

     Two weeks (and a bit more)... You could say right now I am procrastinating, but I would like to see as if by writing this blog I am getting ready to do whatever school work I have to do. Plus, I am waiting for the tea to cool down a bit. 

     These past few weeks have been kind of unlucky for me. Have you heard of the chikungunya? Well I got sick with that just 2 days before something special and important happened. It was a hard decision I had to make that day. I still got to do what I wanted (more like needed) to do. But the process was a bit painful. I couldn't stay out of bed or do anything physical for a prolonged time because of the pain. But in the end, it was worth it.

     What was not worth it was the amount of class I lost. Having to stay inside for a whole week meant not going to school, which meant falling behind in class. I already took 2 tests, and I am pretty sure I have 2 more waiting for me. Add to that the whole alimony thing. When I think I am going to go back to school, no. I have to meet up with my lawyer, go to court, meet up with the lawyer again and repeat. Tomorrow will be my actual complete first day of class and I am honestly just expecting the worse. I get exhausted with half days in school right now, so I am guessing I will be dying by the end of the day.

     Stuff (I like using the word stuff) doesn't end there. Quick piece of information: my lawyer is back at my mom's town, so I usually just stay home each time we have to meet up. The drive from where I live to where she lives is a bit exhausting. The thing is, my brother and mother got the influenza B. In the event of contagion and, because I still got the chikungunya in my system, it would be mortal. So I got kicked out of my mom's house (for my own good). At this rate soon you'll see in the news "FIRST CASE OF EBOLA IN PUERTO RICO: A 23 year old student was found to be...". After so many years of good luck and karma something bad had to happen, right? So in the end I can't complain. 

Now to random stories and points:

• Received a text message this morning from an old "friend". It read "Sup. I wanna see you. Typo, I mean taste." Does that ever work for guys? I am guessing it has to in some way. If not, why do they even use it? I once tried it and got rejected... BADLY. Tried it again today, got rejected again. Third time is the charm? My ego can't take another rejection.
• People still don't believe me when I tell them I am in a relationship, even though I posted a picture of him, tagged him and added a cheesy message to it. Am I not relationship material? Is it that people think I am too selfish or something like that? Why, people? WHY?!
• I am asking myself too many questions lately. It's a phase, just ignore it.
• Can I get a flight out of here? Oh wait... I am still jobless.
• I will be doing some volunteer work in the Urban Culture Fair by the end of the month. I feel like I need more volunteer work in my life. Maybe that will tilt karma back into place.
• My Chinese has improved a lot since classes started. I can ask your name now. *wink wink*
• Wine hangovers are the worst hangovers in life. If you ever get so drunk with wine that you end up hugging the toilet... I just feel bad for you.
• I haven't been to the movies in so long it hurts. I can't wait to get some extra money on the side to waste on the movie theatre. (I should save it up, but sometimes my priorities suck.)
• I really don't want to do any school work.

Tea time is over! I guess it's time to go back to work...

(:

Malaise

Old Facebook post

October 12, 2009

     Nobody can go to the past to make a new beginning, but you can create a better present to live a more rewarding tomorrow.

...

Currently at my mom's house. That's why there is no diary post today.  Sorry guys!

     So here I am sitting down on my mom's dinner table with personal papers all around me. Being the offspring of divorced parents is not easy, specially when they hate each other. So here I am stuck between a mother who has given her all to keep us alive and healthy and my father. One asking to about every single penny I've spent in the last 3 years just because he wants to lower my alimony, another fighting for my right as a daughter who is still a student. It's kind of frustrating to be asked to hand in evidence and you having none. I've never had a full time job, much less have my economic life organised at all. How could you expect that much from a twenty-something university student?

     I am trying to recall something fun about last week, but I just can't. This whole legal mess is taking too much of my time, the one that already university takes away. So apart from what I've already written, I will keep this short. Let's jump to quick points:

• My friend Timmy got me those awesome drawings signed by my favourite web comic creator Yale Stewart. You can read them here. If you are into superheroes, you will love these.
• Miley! Miley Cyrus gave a concert in Puerto Rico. Yes, I know, not something to be proud of. But for some reason she is my guilty pleasure. I wasn't going in the first place, but then the ticket prices went down, so K,G and I decided to go. It was WAY better than we expected. We had so much fun.
• Class class class.
• Friday is almost here!!! :D

That's as much as I can remember. So I hope you all have a nice week. I don't think next week's post will be due on Monday. Probably on Tuesday or Wednesday. 

THANK YOU FOR READING! 

(:

Tussle

I think I should do another diary post. 

... I should have marked the diary dates I already wrote about.

Been loosing some readers...

My diary
July 10, 2010

      As you would expect (if you do the math), I just "finished" my first university year (the quotation marks because due to the strike it actually finished the 28th of June) in the University of Puerto Rico, Río Piedras Campus. Yes! One of my dreams have become reality, even if there is still a long way to go. I am lodging with 2 of my best friends from high school, K & J. Our apartment is ... near the University Avenue (there are lots of bars) and it has 3 rooms. It the best freshman year! I discovered and learned so many things. Mi cognisance has been opened on so many ways that I can't even believe it. I met so many new people. Got drunk for the first time. Learned about infidelity, but I also learned about trust and love. I learned that sometimes is better to keep quiet and listen carefully, that sometimes we need to strive to be happy and keep that happiness at hand. It has been some really marvellous, good and not-so-good experiences that fills my heart with happiness just thinking about it.

...

Let’s start on Tuesday. Sometimes I like to think my life is full of this random moments that happen on a daily basis and make things interesting. I remember writing “I need to get out of my room more” and I am pretty sure my room read this and took it into his own to get me out of there. So my alarm sounds, I snooze it. It sounds again, more snooze. Some days I try to sleep the maximum. I wake up with just 40mins to get ready and head to class. I have to do an oral presentation for my first class, can’t be late. Having no time to waste, I head to the shower. I hate getting dressed in the bathroom, so I just take my towel with me. Done with shower, head to my room, turn the doorknob… it doesn’t open. Try again, nope. I do not have the key to the room, am late for class and everything is inside. I call my mom and ask her if I should break the door down (I have no idea how I intended to do that). She says to just get a hammer and break the doorknob. No hammer in my place. I look around for something strong enough to break it. Found a frying pan. I start hitting it with the pan. It breaks down. I am free to ender my room. I feel like a powerful person.

            So that was how my week started. Turns out my day was long from over. I had to run to class. Got there just in time. Got an A on my oral presentation (Achievement unlocked!). I had an interview, which ended up in me getting angry with the company and withdrawing my application. Because of a interview that led nowhere I even missed classes. But after that it was smooth sailing. Had someone stare at me in traffic while I ate (I was hungry; traffic was terrible; you can’t judge me; the struggle is real.). I would like to see it as funny and not creepy. Just a normal day.

          ... and then my hair is half salmon color, half black. This last weekend I decided I would dye my hair. I already knew I wanted to do it, but didn't actually make a move to get it. From wanting to dye my whole hair, I ended up just doing half of it. I want to make it look like a fashion statement, rather than a crazy metal girl who wants a rainbow in her head (nothing wrong with this). White is the desired color but, since my hair was originally dyed black, it will take more than 2 hair bleaches to get there. This means my hair will go under a lot of stress and it will take time. So I had to settle with salmon semi-permanent hair color so it wouldn't look as bad (I am not a blonde kind of girl). One of my professor saw me and asked "Did you ran out of dye halfway or is it a fashion statement?"

Time for quick points!

1. Let the countdown begin: 11 days to go.
2. Free salsa concert in campus last Thursday. I had an amazing time studying and then falling asleep. Good days...
3. Paid drinks karaoke Friday! Somehow I ended up drinking with Law School students (not my favourite bunch) and singing Bon Jovi classics on karaoke.
4. I am loving Peter Capaldi as the new Doctor.
5. Got some ice cream delivered to me today! (I am sorry. I love ice cream too much.)

Some thoughts:

          I am quite impressed with how much importance romantic relationships have on today’s society. Something that’s supposed to be between couples somehow ends up being a public spectacle. From where and how did you meet to how long have you been together, people want the “scoop” on the whole story behind your relationship. My discomfort began when, because of a small misunderstanding with a classmate, I decided to change my relationship status on Facebook. I’ve been in a relationship for a few months now and both my boyfriend and I felt like there was no need to tell the whole Internet we were together. The thing is I worry with the fact that I’ve been congratulated and asked for confirmation so many times. Relationships are normal and necessary part of that social interaction that happens throughout our lives. We all fall for someone and get our hearts broken at least once in our lifetime, so why congratulate someone on something that happens on a day-to-day basis to the vast majority of humanity probably since the first homo sapiens walked the Earth? It’s not like I am getting married (which we are taught it’s forever and I don't actually plan on doing) or anything. I just decided to share my life and make someone happy for an unknown amount of time. I am doing this because both he and I as consenting adults decided we wanted this. We are not looking for anyone’s approval or anything of the sort. Leave the congratulations for people who encounter a big life event like graduation, a baby or winning the lottery.





(:

Raillery

     While looking for some official papers in some drawers I rarely open I found a notebook I used to write poems. We (girls) have all gone through the "writing poems" phase. Either it was early in our teens, or later in our 20somethings. I have to say, I was really bad. No rules where followed, in a really bad basic cheesy way the rhymed though. At least I found a way to put my thoughts into words. I guess it all started there. Translation won't rhyme, I know. I just thought it would be fun to share what my thirteen year-old self thought about love...

July 8, 2004

LOVE

Many people say that love is beautiful,

but for me it has been painful.

Knowing you will never love me,

each day I love you more and more.

The more I try to forget you,

my heart and my mind make me remember you.

Each time I see you my heart flutters

and sometimes I even loose my mind.

I think about you all the time,

even when I am sleeping.

All this pain

for just a love

that has broken my heart.

     Wow. That was a really cheesy way to begin this post. I don't think I remember why I wrote this, but memories from this time come to mind. I must have been on 10th grade. It comes to mind Sean and his blue eyes, those I used to die for so much in middle school. I remember he used to be under the tree every recess wearing all black. He was the reason I started listening to rock and wearing black eye-liner in the first place. I wanted to be seen as cool in his eyes. His smile, even when it wasn't meant for me, could melt me on the inside and make my days better. I would go to sleep every night thinking about how one day he would notice me. My first big crush. I don't remember how long this went on. Maybe two years? See, that's the good thing about keeping diaries. It helps keep memories fresh and intact. If only I would have written a diary back then, the story wouldn't be incomplete...

...

Let's light up the mood!

     Got it? No? Not funny. It kind of was in my head. I would like to think it actually was and you all laughed with me. Please, don't shatter my dreams.

     I have no idea where to start. When I don't write weekly, the time line in my head starts being less of a line and more of a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff. Can I be lazy and put things in a list again? Lists are real easy to make. Maybe while doing it I can remember things that are worth telling details about!

1. Two Friday's ago I went clubbing with K and L (my other roommate). We had a really good time. Missed my Chinese friends at the club. They are always there. It's funny because they can't pronounce my name correctly, so they call me "Walaly" and I've grown fond to it.
2. Found something to tell you details about! You will find those stories after the list you are just reading.
3. The Saturday after clubbing I had my stepsister's birthday. It was a typical teenager party with DJ, balloons, candies and cake. Her dad got me beer and wine since I would be the only 20something there. I had a good time with beer, wine and Drake.
4. Job interview! I've learned that the job you want the less is the job you will get in the end. Life can be cruel like that.
5. Got some good grades on my Mandarin language class. Whoop whoop! :D
6. Flights are booked!! Less than 3 weeks to go.
7. Yeah... I need some adventures soon. I miss being on an airplane and things.

     You know when someone rejects you for whatever reason and you just wish you could randomly meet with them one of those days you are looking flawless? Yeah. That happened to me. It may be (probably is) really immature, but it feels empowering. Even if you know deep down inside they could not care less how you look, the fact that you feel beautiful and he got to see you on your best moments has something that makes you feel so good. I am girly like that sometimes. ... And then he goes and remembers a small detail of something you don't like, does it while telling you "I still remember you don't like this" and all the happiness turns into just wanting to kill him for that. But I will just think about that moment when I did what I wanted to do and I was flawless at it. 

     I don't know if it is because it's late or my life has become pretty boring and someone of a routine since the semester started, but I am out of things to write about. I should try and get out of my room a bit more. Do some yoga or something. It just gets a bit hard when you have so much schoolwork plus other personal things to work with. I also enjoy my alone space and silence (...will fall? I need to stop with the Doctor Who references, I know). It's really loud in the outside world and sometimes we just need to stop, take a deep breath and listen to the silence.

(: